I feel so sorry for this little girl with an incompetent mother....

[Gameboy]

OK, so I actually don't know whether she is incompetent, disorganised, disengaged or what, but I feel so sorry for her daughter (7) who is DS1's Yr2 class.

I knew the Mum worked, so I always assumed things were rather frantic and busy, which might explain why:

• this girl often doesn't have her PE kit on the right day (has to wear her school uniform)
• is never dressed up/ down for book day/ mufti day/ red nose day etc
• is in after school club every day til 6 pm

but two things recently really made me feel sad:

1. The class had a trip out to a local museum - notes went out well in advance, reminders too, and yet, on the day, this little girl turned up without the right clothes, without a packed lunch, and without the £1 spending money suggested. The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without . Of course some of the Mum's helping out rallied round, and bought her a sandwich and drink and stuff from a shop on the way.

And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual.
Several of us said, that if only we'd known, we could have brought her/ returned her etc.

I have met her Mum just once at a parent social, and she seemed very normal and level-headed, not stressed, under pressure or anything (IYSWIM).
I'm pretty sure there isn't a nanny or au pair who could be 'dropping the balls', so
I just can't understand HOW anyone can be so out of touch with her daughter's life?

As I say, I just feel very sorry for her

morningpaper - I was objecting mostly to the way people were speaking to gameboy, rather than their opinions of what was said. But I do think that my dd's school would have pretty strong words to say to me if I refused to go back there and take her a lunch I had forgotten.

To forget is normal surely (I've forgotten things hundreds of times) but to refuse to rectify a mistake meaning your child goes without something everyone else in the class has, or goes without food when it could be rectified with a 2 minute drive to the school with a pound coin is a bit worse than being forgetful surely?

No morningpaper to us adults it isnt. But it maybe to a child. Time after time after time.
RgPargy- of course I dont know those were the exact words. But am going by - as we all are- what Gameboy said. And the teacher/TA rolling their eyes as it was said. Cant imagine they would do that if it was the first time it had happened

Would the school ring up a father in his office and expect him to leave a meeting/ stop work on a project and come down with the forgotten lunch box?

Somehow, I think not.

It makes me want to send my kids to boarding school, thinking about the group of tutting mothers/teaching helpers gossiping about an 'incompetent mother'.

It seems obvious to me that the teacher (not the voluntary helpers etc) should probably have a word with the mum in a helpful way and explain that the forgetfulness is affecting the child, or making life difficult for the teacher.

If they have repeatedly done that to no effect, then I suppose there is room for concern. But some parents find it very hard to keep up with the millions of notes home specifying different things every day of the week.

Schools could make it a lot easier for parents, by communicating very clearly and by making things more routine and less ad-hoc.

Yes it is sad if the child is upset, but from what I have read, this is more about the parents/teaching helpers that are judging the mum.

If I was at work and my child was about to leave for a school trip, I would not have time to return home, make a packed lunch, go to the to the school and give it to her - to be blunt, I would expect a teacher to lend her a quid.

god where are all these people coming from?

TC you sound like me.

And I still haven't worked out how I'm going to get ds2 from school tonight, so if someone could stop tutting and come and sit with ds1 I would be most grateful.

now if you were organised like moi you would be ok

I think what people are objecting to in the OP is the implication that the mother in question doesn't love her child.

And the fact that the child is in after school club (ie the mother has a paid job which needs to be done) is also cited as more evidence of her incompetence.

That is obviously going to get a strong response.

I don't think it's good that some parents are this flaky, and I do think it upsets children, but the OP went way beyond that imo. Chances are, the woman is embarrassed by her flakiness and sad about letting her children down. I always am.

As far as I can see, if the school just asked the mother to leave the child's PE kit at school, with a spare change of clothes in it, then there would be no problem. It's a shame that the school can't be a bit more accommodating.

I didn't account for people resigning an hour before they were due to start work though OliveOil!

agree with littleboot

like I said before, get the teacher to have a word

and if they have already - and it clearly hasn't worked - get them to have another word but with a stern face this time

"this kind of nattering makes my blood boil and glad that I go out to work"
yes mslucy that's right because WOHM don't gossip. only bitchy SAHMs
apart from the fact that both the OP and the TA are working of course

tsk gess, think ahead

People seem to have totally over-reacted about Gameboy's post. I thought she sounded really concerned about the child. And yes, thousands of parents probably HAVE forgotten to take in lunchboxes, P.E. kits or whatever, but I bet they wouldn't tell a teacher or TA their child would have to share or do without!

Forgetting is one thing, seemingly not caring is another. From the little Gameboy has told us, yes I do feel sorry for that child.

Incompetent mother is a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I am horribly disorganised (and you can't even make the working full time excuses for me) and always need extra reminders etc. Ds has gone to school today without his homework, which he has done,but which we forgot to put in his book bag. And we also forgot the book bag...

But that makes me a disorganised mother. At other aspects of mothering, I rock

But "seemingly not caring" is a matter of interpretation.

TBH I too would give the school secretary short shrift if she expected me to stop work to sort this out. Mainly because she would not expect a father to. The fact that so many schools communicate and schedule as if we are all nineteen fifties housewives, would make me respond pretty negatively too tbh. That, combined with my embarrasment at having been a flake, would probably make me sound pretty sharp too. Doesn't mean I wouldn't care though.

i wonder if this mother is an mner

oooo hockeypuck, you got my post deleted. I feel very speshull now!!!

Freedom of opinion is not allowed now, right?

rolls eyes

OP only concerned for child.

But you could almost be describing me as well. Have probably done all of the aforementioned (with exception of trip amneisia maybe).

Had sports day today and ds1 had no shorts and one shoe!

So what, it won't kill him. And like others have said, I may be scatty, okay, am scatty, but at other areas, I'm ace. And of course being disorganised does not = not loved. But we knew that. Maybe they are so busy loving, they forget to be organised??

I wouldn't be too impressed with myself as a parent if I regularly forgot various things that my children need for school.

We are all like this occasionally. And of course, unexpected situtations arise which are out of our control etc.

But on a regular basis?

Personally I don't see whether it is a mother or a father makes any difference - the child is being let down.

I think it is sad too but I am more concerned about the TA having this conversation with you, I would be tempted to report her for breaching confidentiality.

She is being let down, and the parents need a boot up the backside. Which is regularly administered to me by ds's teacher.

What they don't need is a gossiping parent helper and having their parenting, rather than organisation, called into question.