How to deal with item being stolen from DS ar school?

[LMonkey]

We gave DS a smart watch which cost £35 for his 6th birthday a week ago. We forbade him from taking it to school as obviously its too good a toy to risk losing. He was caught out trying to sneak it in to school one day. The next day he successfully sneaked it in to school but the teacher, knowing that he wasn't meant to have it (as he'd seen us take it off him the day before) quite rightly took it and kept it on his desk all day. He gave it back to DS at the end of the day. DS says he put it in his book bag, however by the time he had come out to me (right outside the classroom) it was not in there. We went back in, looked around with the teacher, no luck. The teacher posted a message to all the parents on the online journal that evening to ask the parents to "ask the children if they had seen the watch". He also asked the children about it next day in class. Still nothing.

How do you think I should deal with this from now? The teacher said that he had done all he could, and I accepted that initially, but now what is bothering me is that one of my son's classmates has taken the watch, either stolen it or maybe hidden it, and it's not being dealt with?? It's definitely one of the kids in his class. Surely it can't just be forgotten about so that the kid who took it thinks he can just take stuff and get away with it?

I do realise its 6 year olds I'm talking about here but surely it needs to be addressed!

Novice your post is horrible

Why? Because she said it was a ridiculous gift for a 6 year old?

Why? Because she said it was a ridiculous gift for a 6 year old

The OP wasn't asking for opinions on her choice of present, so it was an unnecessary negative comment which didn't actually offer any advice on the issue of the missing watch.

Children do get 'tech' gifts, it's not to everyone's liking but you can't please everyone.

You don’t know it was stolen. However, you do know that your son lost it. Stop trying to deflect the blame. The only person who has done anything wrong is your child. Deal with that, stop looking to blame
others.

Schools generally have a policy that valuable items should not be brought for school - because they will not spend their time trying to find items that are lost or stolen

It's not remotely UR for OP to feel aggrieved that the watch has gone (whether lost or stolen) but she can't really expect the school to do any more than they already have.

One of my sons (7-12) went through a phase at school of saying that this or that item was "stolen ".

The truth was that he lost tons of stuff and didn't look for it properly. Not saying that's the case here, but it certainly put so called stealing into perspective here.

You don't know if it's stolen or lost, OP. You said so yourself. And I already said it's not ok to steal someone's property.
The point is, it never would have happened if he didn't take it into school in the first place.
Wanting the child being punished when you don't even know if it was stolen or not is just absurd, imo.

Yeah that's right irvine I want a 6 year old to be caned for stealing. Of course I do. And just any one as well. Ffs. That was sarcasm by the way.

Of course IF a child is found to have stolen something there should be CONSEQUENCES i. e being spoken to about it by the head teacher or something else fitting for a 6 year old. But I wouldn't expect you to see it that way as you have already made your warped principles very clear.

The point of me coming on here was to get opinions on whether it would be reasonable, say, to ask the teacher to get the class to have another look for the watch, and to ask them again about it. People are saying that's not reasonable. Thank you. Especially thank you to those who have articulated themselves well and given their opinions tactfully which is the decent thing to do on a mums net thread, without judgement or being offensive and accusing me of trying to 'deflect the blame' when I haven't so much as even had a word to the teacher about it or spoken to the other mums I know.

I have never said that my son is blameless for the fact he brought it in to school, but have just tried to emphasise the fact that if it has been stolen it should be dealt with appropriately and effectively. Of course it should be, this is why we learn various ways of disciplining our children partly to teach them morals and values. And rest assured that if my children steal anything, whether it "should" be in school or not, (or in Irvine's case if it's even on display) there would most certainly be appropriate consequences.

op “this is a conversation with mumsnet im not accusing anyone of stealing”

Then

“Perhaps the teacher could have a stern word with the children”

What form do you want the stern word to take if you don’t want him to accuse the children of stealing? Do you want him to shout aggressively about handing in lost property?!

You might find that the watch appears when parents empty out their DC's book bags at the end of term

If you're struggling to understand why you’re not getting much sympathy on here, OP, look again at your post where you accuse someone who disagrees with you of being a rape apologist.

Yes ds had football boots taken off his peg which were a birthday gift in primary school. Dishonest kids and parents unfortunately.

Ooh he should have left the watch at home.

if you're struggling to understand why you’re not getting much sympathy on here, OP, look again at your post where you accuse someone who disagrees with you of being a rape apologist

I was merely pointing out the similarity in principles to the poster who thinks it's OK to take something just because it's there in front of them.

Someone inadvertently displays something that another person wants. They do this innocently and without the intent to provoke. Said thing gets taken because its on 'display'.

I could be walking down the road one night and feel like hitting someone in the face. Is it OK to hit a passer by just because they're 'there' and I want to hit someone? Er no. It's about self control and understanding right from wrong.

I'm using extreme examples obviously. But same principles.

woodhill, thanks, yes if only he had left it at home. And yes there are dishonest kids and parents around which I'm well aware of (but shouldn't admit to apparently, even on mumsnet)

We'll be so much more careful from now on about taking anything to school.

"Of course IF a child is found to have stolen something there should be CONSEQUENCES " and I'm sure there will be consequences should it be confirmed that a child has stolen something but at the moment there isn't any evidence other than the watch is missing so it's innocent until proven guilty.
The teacher can only ask the children if they've seen/ got the item and unless someone admits to taking it little more can be done.

To be honest OP if I was in your shoes and could afford it then I would replace the watch. He’s made a mistake taking it into school but it sounds like he was super excited about it and wanted to show it off. He won’t ever do this again as he has sadly learned the hard way that things go missing in school.

My son is 16 now and able to understand this kind of thing....at 6 though he would have been like your DS.

As i say i dont think a 6yo could anticipate the full consequences of stealing. It's not like you are suggesting your dc should go to the head for what they did (disobeying twice), if they cannot understand that they will lose the item/be in trouble with parents and school, i cant see how another child (although most do understand im sure) cannot impulsively perhaps take an item. In fact your dc could be said to be more premeditated (trying twice plus he had to know he would be caught by you or the teacher).
What punishment did he have?
What will he have if you find out he actually lost it or purposely hid it at school?
Or if he had come back with it would he have been told off then?
If he is just six are not most of the class still only 5yos?
Tbh it is probably a good thing as he might think about what he is doing and why you tell him not to do stuff ie you are not just ruining his fun.

Your examples of a punching someone in the face and rape to compare what has happened here are null and void . In those examples somone was a victim it was a fact. Someone definelty got punched or raped . Your son didn’t definelty get his watch stolen. You think he did . There is no proof or anything to point to that conclusion. Your opening post saying it WAS someone in his class again stating as a fact . This is one of those posts when an OP posts and is told by 100 people they are wrong and yet they continue to not see the points raised and won’t change their mind .

It could just as easily fallen out f the back if picker up at an angle, etc. and then been kicked or knocked out of sight. Easily done in a bust classroom at home time.

He was sitting next to two classmates who could have quite easily taken the watch when DS was distracted

Does he know which two children? If so, as a parent you could ask them to see if he has accidentally put it in their bag by mistake. But don't go accusing their children without any proof!

You are talking about 6 years old here, so you would really think 6 years old taking in iPhone to school, and some other children, who are jealous either breaks them or stolen them are to blame?

I don't understand this. Of course at age 6y a child should know not to take something or break something that doesn't belong to them, regardless of their cost. As a school we would definitely discipline a child in such a situation, if we were aware of it. As a parent, I most certainly would!

This was over 10 years' ago but my ds was so upset as they were his birthday gift from his dgf and we were short of money. They were in a shoe bag.

I did write to the school.

Helix I've not punished him in this instance because I believe losing the watch is punishment enough for not listening to us. And we would have told him off if he had come back with it.

This is one of those posts when an OP posts and is told by 100 people they are wrong and yet they continue to not see the points raised and won’t change their mind

And this is one of those posts where numerous people fail to see the point that I have been making repeatedly and actually get offended on behalf of kids who obviously don't know anything about this thread.

I was using those examples for a poster who said it is 100% the fault of the child who brought in the watch, suggesting that if a child did steal the watch they shouldn't be blamed.

Before jumping on the band wagon and judging from what only a few people have said why not read the thread properly (if you can be bothered as it's pretty long now)

I have accepted the points that posters have been making but I will not accept that if a child has stolen a watch they're blameless.

Noviceoftheweek Mon 17-Dec-18 08:17:50
A watch with games?

The issue isn't the watch. It is no doubt a well known children's toy brand of a smart watch. It s aimed at children, young children at that. Just like the children's cameras with little games on them, etc. The OP is entitled to let her child have a toy or watch of his choosing. It isn't a ridiculous child's item at all. Maybe not your choice - fair enough - but certainly no worse than many other child's toy/watch.

The issue isn't the watch. It is the fact that it got taken into school and has now gone missing.

The child shouldn't have taken it into school, obviously. But yes, a 6 year old will be sad it has gone missing.

It may have been lost or it may have been taken. Hopefully if it is the latter it may turn up at the end of term, when parents empty the book bags. Or it may be gone for good. A hard consequence for the OP's child no doubt an da lesson learnt.

As i say I don't think a 6yo could anticipate the full consequences of stealing.

I work with this age group. There are very few who don't know that taking something that isn't there is a wrong choice. A few may still have the impulse to still take it, but ime most wouldn't.

And juts like a 6yo might not anticipate the full consequences of stealing, a 6yo is even more likely not going to anticipate the full consequence of taking in a valued possession (probably to show his friends because he is proud of it) into school.

woodhill ahh that's sad . I'm sorry to hear that

Thanks for your rationale and fair understanding Aragog

It's your child's item and you're obviously annoyed. But I don't think it would be appropriate to ask the teacher to devote class time to trying to work out where it has gone.
A lesson learnt for your son though, and hopefully one that will stay with him.

Incidentally, my mum felt the same when someone took my first tooth off the 'show and tell' table. She wanted to keep it and was ready to conduct a bag search herself! Thankfully my teacher explained that wasn't going to happen.