Are my concerns about cultural differences valid or am I being racist?

[TheMotherOfBears]

I'm hoping to hear views especially from anyone who has grappled with this issue for their own DCs...

DS has a place at our local state primary for September. It's an outstanding school and I like it.

When I applied I knew he was likely to be the only child in his year who is not from one particular cultural and ethnic background. At that time I didn't give this fact any thought because "that shouldn't matter". But now we've got the offer I'm finding it does and I'm worried even though I don't want to be.

My concern is that all the other children come from the same culture (>90% speak the same first language). DS is very social and loves play dates, birthday parties etc. I know he'll be fine making friends in school, but I worry he'll be excluded from social gatherings out of school and people won't take up our invite to parties etc.

I've spoken to local parents - including one teacher who sent her DC to a school that was similarly monocultural - and she said she regretted it as it made her DD sad. Her DD always felt left out, wasn't included in cultural events because she was not of that culture, and other kids (even her pals) turned down her invites to parties, play dates etc. There was no problem per se - she had genuine friends in school. She was simply an outsider in the wider community. Her DM cautioned me to think about these things when choosing a school for my DS.

Other state schools have places which are more diverse but they aren't on my doorstep!

So, what would you do? Send your DS to the local state school which is otherwise great? Or look elsewhere? We have other options both state and private.

@PenelopeFlintstone - I quite agree. DS would be devastated with no party mates no matter what the reason.

Ok, so we were in this situation and we managed till year three, we also had concerns about the academic standards too and religious bullying so it wasn't just the social isolation although that was a factor too. The schools around where we are are a similar split and in any case, we'd have little chance due to oversubscription anyway. Fortunately, we had the option to go home ed and we've never looked back. The social opportunities are far wider and he has friends whose birthday parties he gets invites to. It is sad and the losers are both sets of kids in a way. But you cannot change things easily I tried to stick with it and I regret not doing this earlier. To be honest I'm now totally committed to home ed and love it!

ellie

The Cardiff school my daughter is likely to go to is 94% ESL intake. People describe Cardiff as multicultural but it really isn’t. All other areas in the city are white majority, overwhelmingly so, with the area I live in being where the biggest Muslim community live. Next area over has the biggest Sikh community. Neighbouring area on the other side is where Cardiff’s historic black community lives.

Thing is OP, a massive factor in your child succeeding academically. will be whether or not he enjoys going to school. And if he feels excluded he may switch off entirely, however good the academic standards.

I have a BME DD and I wouldn't send her to an all white school BUT your child is getting a lot of exposure to White British people outside school.

The school DS goes to and that she will go to is about 25% non-White-British which is typical for our area except for some of the lower income estates where the schools are all White British (there is lower income housing off the estates too, and poorer families do tend to segregate on/off the estates, while better off families are less segregated).

DS has one particular friend who goes to Mosque school every weekday and we make an effort to play at the park at weekends with him - I just asked his mum for her number. But he doesn't tend to go to birthday parties it is true.

The other thing to consider is joining a women's group - we have a local Christian/Muslim group - and then you can get to know the mums. Refugee groups will also possibly include some school parents and your DC can get to know the other children from school that way.

Re parties - my DS' close friend does not go to parties but we have a nice big bunch of friends including some from other ethnic backgrounds than my DS, though it is true his school is more diverse in the true sense of the word.
My DD has more friends that "look like her" not surprisingly and at the moment (she's in nursery) their parents are mainly those that work for the same large employer as me as it's a workplace nursery, so are from a variety of backgrounds and come to parties though they seem to mainly do family teas for their own parties.
However at school most of the BME children are Muslim and again do mosque school daily. If we struggle with parties etc. I think I will persuade her to also invite children from her own after school activities and maybe just have a small party.

(But also - if you invite just one child from a different background as my DS did - the family may be wary. But inviting 10 and making sure you speak to all the parents in the playground may make the families more confident to come to the party).