School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

I just find it odd that you knew before she started school yet made no effort to organise suitable childcare. School will understandably be concerned about your priorities. In reception they do loads but 1 day won’t matter that much.

Floral, it's not private school.

Sorry MerryMarigold I thought it was for me! Long thread

Surely the best solution would be to pick your mil up from her house, she spends the day at yours and picks your dd up.

Do you have a dh/partner to pick your dd up?

I would add, as an attendance officer myself, that because authorising absences is at the head teacher’s discretion, it pays to be polite and reasonable when it comes to your dealings with the school. If you have other appointments in the future and your DD’s attendance is otherwise good, the head may authorise you keeping her off. But if you get arsey with the staff and start accusing people of being “nosey” when they’re simply doing their job, you’ll probably find they are not so willing to

No but op implies private was an option, suggesting money is not a particular issue.

.... be sympathetic.

I don't think the receptionist was either polite or reasonable asking for details of the OP's appointment.

Taxi is a great idea! We're too rural for that to occur to me.

I know it’s not , but the OP seems to think it would be different if she had gone private and my point was if she can afford private she can afford a taxi .

My consultant is not available readily so cancelling would have meant another few months wait unfortunately & that’s just not feasible in my circumstances, if my MIL could drive then no problem but I live rurally so without a car there’s no chance as public transport is few & far between. I was just irritated by the comment that my appointment t was avoidable but nevermind the school know my thoughts concerning that so line under & move on. Thanks all

The appointment may not be avoidable but with some planning your daughter missing school, especially the whole day, would be.

Op - schools will work with you if you talk to them and explain what is going on, why on earth didn't you explain your reasons clearly in the first place? I can't believe you are so naive that you didn't realise they would require more information!
The school were right to question you, you have been vague with them and then decided to be offended by the request for more information. You have not started your parent/school relationship well.

it was a very important appointment and I can’t just not turn up to collect her.

Since you have known you had this appointment from before she started school, and since you have known her school finish times for months (or even years through general knowledge), did you attempt to change the time of your appointment long ago?

I think the problem for me is that she’s not even of compulsory School age until Jan 2018 so the comment was irrelevant.

Your comment here is completely irrelevant.

My MIL is 30 mins drive from me & she doesn’t drive so she cannot take her to/from school.

What about buses? Tubes? Taxis?

She’s only in reception class so not fussed about a day, I’ll def call in sick next time

Please don't lie to the school and teach your daughter it's fine to lie about getting out of going to school.

It’s a medical appointment that deals with a serious health issue. Constructive comments or don’t bother

I am sure if you had simply told the singular lady on reception exactly what you have just told several hundred/thousand MNetters there'd have been no problem.

Also , if you can afford private education surely you could run to a taxi for MIL to collect her from school at the correct time to collect her

This is exactly what I was going to post.

Yabu

Why post on parenting forum and be so nasty?
It is very unpleasant to slag off office team just doing the job and be horrible to posters.

Shouldn't the school also be trying to foster positive relationships with parents? It should be an atmosphere of mutual respect and support.

The key word there is mutual. If the OP is describing staff as “nosey”, saying her child is not of statutory school age so doesn’t need to be in school anyway and firing off “strongly worded” emails I hardly think it’s likely there’s much respect coming from the OP’s side.

Well go private then OP - contact the schools and ask if they've got any vacancies for year one. There is always some churn so something may well come up.

I warn you though it won't make any difference - they don't appreciate random days off one bit certainly without explanation. However their wrap around care tends to be quite good so you wouldn't have the problem anymore - send her in for breakfast club and then pick her up at 6pm, fed and possibly with her homework completed. (obviously this costs extra)

Indeed DD was off today with a fever/sore throat type illness. I phoned reception and left a message and at 10.30am got a call from the school nurse asking further questions. She was obviously checking on the reason DD was at home but she also wanted to know if we needed any advice or support. DD has been in independent school since nursery and now in year 7 and in my experience this is normal.

I find it really odd that you would rather get off on the wrong foot with school than ask someone to pick her up and look after her a few hours. It is a strange mix of aggressively assertive and socially awkward. It's worth getting a support network in place, if you had mentioned this to the mums and dads at school drop off, no doubt you'd have had offers to help. Don't let all the CF posts on here influence you into never asking for help.

My DD is P2 and already we've had about 5 classmates home with us at short notice for similar reasons and help in return taking her to and from school when her sibling was sick. Everyone needs a bit of help and I'm really grateful our class parents are happy to both offer or ask for help. There was almost a rota of taking turns when a bug went round knocking out the parents and leaving the kids unscathed!

Oh and whatever school make friends with the other parents - they will be your backstop on those days you're unavoidably stuck with a client or stuck in traffic and need your dc picking up and looking after for half an hour or your dc lost their homework and you need to know what it is or you need to acquire a blasted sheep costume for the nativity and only realised the day before the dress rehearsal (voice of bitter experience)

Whereas you don’t need to give personal
Information to the school they have every right to ask why your dd wasn’t in school that day. And telling them that pick up clashed with your medical appointment (no other info needed)!
Would be completely sufficient.

It’s not the point but this situation would be entirely avoidable if you befriended a friend of your dd’s or used the after school club. I don’t think that a mum’s medical appointments really warrants a day off for the daughter unless all other options for pick up of the daughter have been exhausted.
And yes, where is dd’s dad in all this?

I think you have been obtuse and should try and foster a better relationship with the school.

"t. Once a child is on school roll, their attendance is as compulsory as anyone else's. "
That's nonsense , the schools have a separate register for such children.

A school nurse phoned offering support and advice for a child with a sore throat and temperature - in winter?

That might be normal in private schools but it’s definitely not in state schools!

I was just irritated by the comment that my appointment t was avoidable

The suggestion wasn't that your appointment was unavoidable but rather that your daughter missing a day off school was unavoidable. And it was. You might have considered and rejected other options, but there were other options. Ergo, it was avoidable.

But I rather suspect I know the sort of parent you are and there is nothing anyone on here will say that will even give you cause you question your position or reasonableness. People like you never do.

That's nonsense , the schools have a separate register for such children.

No they don’t.