School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

Actually I think office team is very important people in school who you will be dealing with for years, especially you have health issues. Teachers may change every year, but office team won't. So they are the ones who you need to talk to about all the non academic stuff.

That's nonsense , the schools have a separate register for such children.

Not in any school I've ever taught at.

Why couldn't your DH pick her up?

Yes Suburban perfectly normal - she was also keen to make sure it wasn't anything infectious

Independent schools also take a very dim view of pupils missing school for spurious reasons, and their receptionists will ask exactly the same questions. Particularly pertinent as their terms are shorter, so every learning day counts. I can assure you that the reception class at my children's school is nothing like nursery!
If you can afford school fees, you have enough disposable income to hire someone to collect her (e.g. emergency nanny etc), or pay for MIL to use a taxi to collect her.
You've had plenty of time to make arrangements.
It's obvious where your disregard for school comes from, if your parents took you out of school for 3 weeks every year...

I was advised not to post on here for advise as it’s full of the kind of women that I avoid on the play ground, they were right! Most (not all) of you are missing the point so I’ll leave this chav fest. Thank you

So everyone else is missing the point. It couldn’t possibly be that you are wrong could it?

Chavs that can afford school fees, love.

Chavs that value education!

I didn't realise suggesting her MIL get a taxi, she try to re-arrange her appointment long ago, or being nice and just saying "it's a medical appointment for a serious condition" to reception staff means I'm part of a chav fest.

I've never been called a chav in all my life!

I don't get why you couldn't simply explain to the school that you had an important medical appointment which meant that you would be unable to pick up your DD on a particular date. No more detail than that needed.

You could even have asked them if there were breakfast clubs and/or after school clubs which may have space on that day. You know, work with the school rather than come across as obstructive. It will get you much further.

Several people have asked you where your DD's father is in all of this but so far you haven't answered. Is he on the scene, and could he step in? It is a reasonable question.

I was a SAHM while my children were very young. I do also have a couple of significant health issues and needed hospital appointments. Mostly it all worked out and I could still collect the kids from school, but on the very infrequent occasions when I couldn't then DH had to get out of work early and collect them as we too had no other support. I do appreciate that not everyone has that option, but we aren't psychic and don't know unless you say something.

I'm with those suggesting taxi for mum to pick up DD. Shouldn't be too much for someone who pays 40% tax and wishes she'd opted for private education. It would also probably have been better to just say to school that you had a medical appointment out of the area that couldn't be changed and accepted it wouldn't be authorised.

You might havevbeen be surprised too at the reaction of a private school in the same circumstances - they may not have to report to the LA, but they are businesses and need to keep their academic standards up or they don't get any pupils.

I was advised not to post on here for advise as it’s full of the kind of women that I avoid on the play ground, they were right! Most (not all) of you are missing the point so I’ll leave this chav fest. Thank you

Yes, that pretty much confirms what I thought.

Does being a higher-rate tax payer mean it's OK for you to speak to school staff like shit?

At my school, we phone anyone whose child has not turned up to school. It's quite amusing the number of parents who answer their mobiles to confirm that yes, their child is terribly ill, not realising that the dialling tone is different when abroad and that the school knows perfectly well they're lying through their teeth. That was quite useful though, when a parent said that their child had chicken pox and would be off for two weeks (the duration of their holiday abroad). The child's teacher was in the early stages of pregnancy, and had been concerned about possible risk to her unborn child. The parents still didn't 'fess up, even when they subsequently heard of her worry.

And don't forget, the kids dob you in anyway. They come back with a suntan and want to tell you all about it.

Sorry for thread de-rail - as you were!

It's very silly indeed, if your friends advised you not to post, why did you? You should have asked for their help, not chavvy Mnetters?

I really don't think the OP needs to worry about fighting off friendships with other Mums.

Poor kid.

I doubt they were "friends"!

I do wonder why the OP was asking for permission given she said that she would "just phone in sick" on another thread about term time absences.

I know flowerpot!! I am an archetypal MNer, in the old-fashioned "when all this was fields" sense.
Maybe she thinks this is Netmums?

Should have gone private for the medical appointment and perhaps arranged it at a time that didn’t impact your daughters attendance. You clearly don’t value education or the people that work within it. As for asking advice and then criticising those trying to help. Oh dear. You are unpleasant.

You’re just hard work.

No wonder you have no friends.

Lol, I've been called a chav,

That's made my day.

OP really you need to start looking at yourself. The vast majority of responders on here rightly think that you should value your child's education more highly than you do and that you should try to foster a better relationship with the school.

And for that we have been called Chavs.

What I pity is your DC who is going to suffer in the long run if you don't prioritise her education and don't stop looking down your nose at other parents and ruin her peer relationships.

Chav-tastic!

Wow - we are the 'sort of people you avoid in te playground'? Like, what - humans? Not Landed gentry?

cancelling would have meant another few months wait unfortunately - aren't you private, darling? Surely the consultant comes to you???

Nosey receptionists aside (I used to be one, and no-one is interested in your life/ailments) the school is going to be part of your dd's life for 11 years or so - I bet you are already that mum.