School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

School don't want your personal details! However I fear your dd's schooldays are going to be hard going for you both if you resist opportunities to make friends and share childcare and playdates. She shouldn't need to miss school because of your appointment. Could mil stay the evening before to get her to school if distance is an issue? Would you be able to drive her home afterwards? What about your p/h?

Your appointment wasn't avoidable but your daughters a sense was. She can't ha e a day off every time your unable to collect her.

I don't think the OP was asking for authorised absence , if I've understood correctly she was simply letting them know her dd wouldn't be in that day.
I can't see what's wrong with that to be honest.
So what if it gets recorded as unauthorised?
I don't have children so I accept I could be very out of touch.
I was a school girl in the 70s and my dm wouldn't have been explaining her decisions to anyone.

The school just means that they're not going to authorise the absence - they're not asking you for more details or prohibiting you from keeping your child from school. I had the same when I notified the school that my kids would be off for 2 days because I had to take them on a work trip with me: they said they couldn't authorise the absence but thanks for letting them know. So, don't worry :)

Balina Some people on MN tend to forget that even if you have friends and family nearby, it's not always possible to plan for everything. Sometimes you have to make choices that are not ideal, but are the only thing you can do, like this situation you are in. Some family and friends are either unavailable to help out (due to their own hectic schedules), are unreliable, or are otherwise unsuitable to utilise as childcare.

Yes, go Private - somebody who appreciates the school place can have it and you can chuck " I pay your wages" type strops at the new school
My DD is at Private School, they also care about attendance

They are simply saying without knowing the circumstances they cannot authorise the absence so it will go down as an unauthorised one. Legally (and it is legally) that is the rule headteachers can only authorise absence in certain circumstances that based on the information you have given have not been shown.

However its fine to have it marked as an unauthorised absence

I think your attitude to the school is wrong here.

Heaven forbid if anything does actually go wrong!

I can't get my head round why your DD has to have a whole day off school so you can attend an appointment?

I also can't work out why you think it would be different at private school.

Ugggh.

Thing is, if you keep up with this attitude, the school may wonder what your problem is, and whether there's a safeguarding issue. If you keep a kid off for a completely unspecified reason and are hostile when they ask for information, they don't know if you're a religious nutjob who's sacrificing her to Cthulhu that day, or you're selling her to the local crack dealer, or you have beaten her up and don't want her teacher to see the injuries. (It doesn't matter how middle-class you think you are: schools get a lot of safeguarding/child protection training, and they are encouraged to be suspicious if they are not given adequate explanations.)
If you just said: I have a medical appointment and there is no one who can collect her, they might have been able to offer a solution. You don't need to tell them it's for genital warts.

I should have gone private

Why couldn't your DH have collected her seeing as you've known about it for so long?

Interesting. You have a MIL so presumably have a partner. Was s/he not available? Just a thought.

wine

I don’t understand why. I thought it was a flippant remark regarding ops medical appointment. Because she couldn’t get the time she wanted.

Balina. You see how School works now. I shouldn’t concern yourself with the unauthorised absence. As your dd isn’t yet legal age until next term, there is nothing the School can do about it. Perhaps you can get another parent next time to pick your dd up, a childminder or you oh if you have one?

It doesnt sound like a good reason for keeping her off school the whole day. are you literally so alone in the world, that neither your MIL can come to you and pick her up from school, nor do you know any parent who can have her for you? is your appointment 9 to 3.30 such that she cannot go to school in the morning?

TBH, if you choose not to explain the nature of your appt and why you need to keep her off, what information have you given them to base their decision to authorise it on? the onus is on them to have an informed basis to approve it - you haven't given them that.

their duty is to keep her attending school, not to be polite and mind their own business about why you want to keep her off.

I've never had an issue with being honest about something. The school has a duty of confidentiality, I don't see any reason why not to be truthful.

It’s a medical appointment that deals with a serious health issue. Constructive comments or don’t bother

I would ask MIL to come over.
If she can't drive for 30 mins then go & get her beforehand

Not being bothered by unauthorised absences is fine if is a one off but regular unauthorised absences will start ringing alarm bells and lead to further intervention

But does the health appointment really take all day?

I should have gone private
Er, Independent schools have attendance records too....

You get that you can't tell people they arent allowed to comment?
It may be a serious health issue. And I'm sorry about that. But it's YOUR serious health issue. Not hers. And TBH I wouldn't take a child to an appointment about a serious health concern.
Sort childcare.

What would going private have changed , they still expect the children to turn up every day . Unfortunately OP you are coming across as the type of parent who treats school as if it’s some kind of free baby sitting service . If you don’t wish to comply with the normal rules I suggest HE may be more suited to you .

And TBH I wouldn't take a child to an appointment about a serious health concern. Sort childcare.

It appears she did sort childcare - the MIL.

It’s a medical appointment that deals with a serious health issue

Have I go this correct you are taking a 5 year old out of school and with you to a serious health appointment??

How about collect mil the night before/morning of school, dropping DD at school then mil collects he. Or you send her in and collect early. Any after-school clubs? Sorry but you need to make proper arrangements to enable her to do a school day or explain yourself (if not fully then you could at least give enough detail to satisfy school procedure without divulging personal information). You sound like you're asked not for a fight