School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

For the future, most after school clubs can offer an ad hoc collection service, so maybe see if the one collecting from your school offers that.

She hasn't been there a term yet and you are already " that" parent
School don't actually care about your personal life or what the appointment was for.
I fully understand why your DD had to miss school but you can't expect the school to authorise it and your medical issues have no bearing on it.
You can't be fined as your DD isn't of compulsory school age and it's unlikely The Head would refer it to the LEA anyway so just calm down about the whole thing
All being well your child will be at that school for a good number of years, find a way to work with them and don't be so stroppy for no good reason

I should have gone private

The reason for your appointment is irrelevant. You cannot be given an authorised absence because you have an appointment that doesn't fit with the school run.

Well - it will not disrupt her education - she has the rest of her life to "catch up." Just don't buy in to all that crap.

Schools get penalised if OfSted sees a poor attendance record - this is why they have to ask, so you may need to cut them a bit of slack - they have to justify their decisions about these requests. Sickening really.

Parental choice goes out of the window.

So you expect everyone to be able to just to take their kids out at hoc for whatever reason without saying why? Imagine the chaos that would cause in a class.

If the attendance dips below a certain amount you will have attendance officers on your back and potentially fines too.

Have you thought about home ed..?

You really think Private schools wouldn't care about lack of attendance just because you are paying? I doubt you will see that you are not following in your daughters best interests by taking her out and or thinking about lying but I doubt you are really bothered, and you assume you are right so I am not entirely sure why you posted?

And does your appointment really mean she has to be off all day!

The school were never going to authorise an absence in those circumstances, which is fine, an unauthorised absence in reception is not the end of the world. But there's absolutely no point getting all angry and offended

You told them she won't be there, they told you it will be unauthorised, that's fine.

StatueinTheSky - best advice yet thanks. BTW I really don’t want to make ‘friends’ with other mums well enough to leave my daughter in their care

The thing is that schools come under a lot of pressure about their attendance figures from Ofsted. So they may seem a little heavy handed but they’re just making sure the younger children get into good habits from early on.

Please don't call in sick..

Read some of the threads about chronically ill children and the extra hoops their families now have to go through because of the sickie culture extending to infants, and you'll see why.

You don't have to give details, and I think the way you put it this time round is fine. It might help you if you reframe the school's response as 'if you tell us more perhaps we can be helpful and authorise it'

So she will never be allowed to go on a play date?
Poor kid.
Telling the school you are taking your child out for personal reasons is vague and unhelpful.
Taking your child out of school because YOU have an appointment is unnecessary. And a whole day? Why?
I am awaiting test results. I have to have stitches out. Then see a specialist. Then start a course of treatment depending on what they find. Should I take both my kids out of school each time I have an appointment? Bonkers!

The school do not want to know the reason for the absence though. They have merely stated it will be noted as an "unauthorised" absence because it is one that cannot be authorised under their guidelines.

I think you are being a little over-sensitive.

Whereas I respect your decision to not want to "make friends" with other parents I think perhaps you should adjust your attitude slightly towards other parents or you child might find herself missing out on all sort.

OP making friends with school parents benefits your daughter, not just you.

The problem with giving too much info to the school is that they then feel they can say "well, you need to do this..." and they expect you to do it. Sorry, but the school is not my child's parent and they don't get to make these decisions.

I've had the school tell me when I kept my child home due to wheezing (asthma problems) and a fever "Just give them Calpol and send them in - if they get worse, we'll ring you to come get them. Let us decide if they are too ill for school." Um, no. I will decide that.

What time is the appointment? surely she doesn't need the whole day off. can't you just collect her early and drop off at mil? Or drop her off at school, collect miland drop her at your house so she can collect. it's a bit of a faff but she really shouldn't be missing school due to child care issues. if it was her appointment I would I understand but as you've known about your appointment for so long it's poor planning.

balin I'm with you!

But your daring to complain about a school so your always going to lose on MN!

Chalk it down to experience !

I should have gone private

I reckon it won’t be long before the school are thinking that too.

to be clear I’m not irritated that it is unauthorised as I don’t care about authorisation to take my own daughter out of school, I’m irritated by the comment & the presumption that it was avoidable when it absolutely was not

Suburban I bet they are already!

I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age.

That's irrelevant. Once a child is on school roll, their attendance is as compulsory as anyone else's.

BTW I really don’t want to make ‘friends’ with other mums well enough to leave my daughter in their care

Don't you want your daughter to have friends whose houses she can go to after school? She'll be in their parents' care then.

It was avoidable. You could reschedule or arrange childcare.
Your attitude to school is coming across really poorly here.

I’m irritated by the comment & the presumption that it was avoidable when it absolutely was not

You stated you have know about the appointment since before she started school how is that not avoidable? How many weeks notice do you need to arrange cover?

I really don’t think I should have to disclose details of my personal life to the nosey receptionists

Good god. This diesn't auger well for the next, ooh, more than a decade. This is such a terrible attitude to the school.