School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

Yes another reason I paid school fees from age 4.

OP, I don't think it's so much that you're keeping her off but your high and mighty attitude towards it. I did something similar when I took my children on holiday 2 days before the summer term ended. I knew it wasn't likely that I'd get permission so I said in my letter that they would be leaving before the end of term, and I just wanted to let them know. I did get the 'unauthorised absence' letter and that I may be fined (I wasn't), but I was fine with it. I know they can't authorise absence even if it is the last 2 days of the summer term when absolutely nothing gets done.

It's more your attitude of 'they shouldn't be so nosey' (maybe they were trying to help you get it authorised), you don't want to make friends with other mums (why not?), you couldn't possibly have organised anything else (why not?), you should have gone private (you've written off the state system because of this?). You just come across as very defensive and a bit silly tbh. I'm sure the school won't hold it against you, but if you think you can go in there with that kind of attitude about every small thing, you will be an unpopular parent that the teachers do an eye roll about in the staff room.

My goodness I don’t understand what is not being understood. I couldn’t pick her up because my appointment overlapped with the end of her school day so I couldn’t take her in as nobody would have been able to pick her up hence MIL had her for the day. Private school are independent therefore no council rules to adhere to so no authorisation is needed to take child out.

Yes another reason I paid school fees from age 4

Well yes, if you want to waste a fair bit of money that you have paid, that's totally your prerogative, but don't be wasting other people's (tax payers).

Surely you can take her in as normal in the morning and then pick her up before your appointment?

Or if the school has after school club arrange for her to go to that for a day?

Is there really a need to miss the whole day is what people are struggling with. Ds has a whole host of different medical appointments but they very rarely mean he has to have the whole day off school

Private schools are not appreciative of random days off either ime. You are expected to arrange holidays and routine appointments outside the school day. If it were your dd's appointment for a serious illness things would be different. How would you plan to manage her attendance if you fall ill? That is where having others to call on is handy.

Ok I appreciate I misunderstood about taking her with you to the appointment but I do think you are being obtuse in ignoring other suggestions made on this thread. E.g your DP to collect, your MIL coming to stay at yours to collect her and or finding alternative childcare in the area. I assume if it is a serious condition then there will be more occasions where this issue arises.

I do pay tax 40% actually, silly comment. Unfortunately I couldn’t do half day as the round trip would have taken over 2 hours so it didn’t make sense in my mind

she then said what appointment is it, why have you got it, when did you find out about it....

I'd complain to the school about that. Inappropriate and nosy.

Your appointments do not get to affect your daughter's education. Move the appointment.

I think you will find that last comment is bollocks . My dc attended a private junior school and you certainly did need permission to take them out for anything other than their sickness and no they didn’t always authorise it . Exactly the same as a state school , you can still take them but it’s on your record so to speak .

but if milis able to have her, why can't she collect from school? infer she's 30 min away but collect her before appointment. or send dd to school until lunch/1.30 (would get an absence Mark if you leave after pm register) and then drop her off at mil. She shouldn't need a full day off if your appointment isn't until the end of the school day.

Good luck with private school. I don't think your approach will go down any better there to be honest.

Can your daughter not go to a friends house after school or to an after school club?

Your appointments do not get to affect your daughter's education. Move the appointment. Yes, that's so easily done, or have you never waited weeks/months for an appointment?

You take her to school.
Someone else collects her. Friend or family member or paid care. You have known about this appointment for ages. Your child doesn't need to miss a whole day of school and TBH it sounds like it's not the sort of appointment a child should be sitting in on.

Can’t your partner help out?

Don't lie to schools! We were on holiday in Turkey and met another family who said they would be missing a few days school so the mum rang up and said everyone had d and v bug.

She then got a call from the head who obviously got the foreign ring tone... head was ringing to see how they all were, including the mum who worked at the dc's school and was on a temp contract

I doubt she got it renewed

I do pay tax 40% actually, silly comment.

I was replying to another poster, the one I quoted.

I know the deed is done but in future don’t ask permission just inform them. Little Ballin won’t be in school next Monday. I have a medical appointment and little Balin will be cared for by her granny who is not local. This is a one off unavoidable situation.
Obviously don’t do this repeatedly but for a one off this is what I would do.
If you have an ongoing need you will need to sort appropriate childcare.

I actually 100% agree with you balinahome, not sure that's any good to you though! Shouldn't the school also be trying to foster positive relationships with parents? It should be an atmosphere of mutual respect and support. Works both ways, and the school's attitude would have gotten my back up too.

Tells us the appointment and what it was for and when you found out about it and we’ll judge whether it was unavoidable or not.

Also , if you can afford private education surely you could run to a taxi for MIL to collect her from school at the correct time to collect her .

Couldn't your mil have travelled to pick her up ? Or could you have put her in after school club if there is one ?