School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

That's because it was misinformation

No it is not misinformation. It is absolutely correct.

If the OP's daughter has just started school she would have been under compulsory school age at the start of term unless she has been allowed to start a year late. The OP could have deferred entry until January. She can also choose to send her child part time until January. Both of those are her choice. The school has no say in the matter. Also, as the OP's child is under compulsory school age the OP cannot be fined for unauthorised absence.

The OP should not lie to the school. That doesn't help anyone. And she does need to get her head around the fact that her child must be in school full time every day from the start of term in January. From that point, taking her daughter out of school because she (mum) has a medical appointment is unlikely to be acceptable. Doing so repeatedly could result in her being fined.

Op is getting a hard time here, I’m with you op. Why must schools know the ins and outs of a megs arse.

If you lie, you are asking your child to collude in the lie because the adults who know she’s been “off sick” will inevitably ask if she’s feeling better when she returns.

Why would you deliberately put your child in that position?

Also, as the OP's child is under compulsory school age the OP cannot be fined for unauthorised absence.

That bit is true, but no-one has mentioned fines. Those of us who work in schools have said the absence will be unauthorised because she is on roll at the school and therefore is expected to be in every day. Being under statutory school age does not allow you to be absent unless you are too unwell to attend.

And any school that's just had a round of safeguarding training will go 'Little girl absent from school, very vague and snarky mentions of medical appointments and it being private matters, hostile parent' and basically think: FGM.

That’s a bit of a leap isn’t it? Would a school really jump to that as their first conclusion? It’s surely not all that common in the UK?

And, further to SuburbamRhonda to expand on a comment earlier on the thread, you can arrange part-time attendance for pupils under CSA (sometimes and with rather more difficulty, beyond that). But that's an agreed and permanent pattern of attendance. Not an odd day off.

It would be overkill for OP to arrange 4 day a week attendance because every few months she would have difficulty with school run logistics and/or afterschool care.

If OP can afford even to be thinking about private school, she can afford a one-off booking for a temporary nanny to pick up and care for her DD on days she cannot be sure of returning in time.

Careful LazySusan ...the OP doesn’t want your opinion. Did you miss the comment pages back where she called us all chavs?

I was sympathetic until that point....

@SparkleFizz FGM & anti-terrorism are the 2 hot issues in safeguarding right now. I nearly dropped a grade at a recent OfstedInspection for suggesting that FGM wouldn’t be my first thought in a given scenario as it wasn’t a major issue in my neck of the woods! Ok so going with the OP’s example that is probably a bit of a leap but it may depend on local demographics & indeed op’s own ethnicity.

Just for clarity, I wasn't intending to suggest that the OP can pick and choose when her daughter attends school. If she wants her daughter to attend part time that should be a regular pattern, not random afternoons off. Any absence will be unauthorised although she cannot be fined for that until her daughter reaches compulsory school age. The first part of my post was aimed at a poster who seemed to think that full time attendance was compulsory for the OP's daughter already.

My main point for the OP is that she is going to have to adjust to a world where taking her daughter out of school for a day so that mum can attend a medical appointment will not be acceptable and could lead to a fine.

sparkle School have to consider the safeguarding implications.

Whether I would think FGM or not would probably depend on contextual factors.

However, I would be flagging concerns up where a parent says their child won't be in school and is unreasonably evasive on the phone. This would be especially true if the child was off for single days here and there and the parent decides to call in ill (which is what the OP has said she will do in future).

At the end of the day, we have a poster here who thinks it's acceptable to know about an appointment for months and just remove a child from school for a day because it suits her more than organising childcare,

The first part of my post was aimed at a poster who seemed to think that full time attendance was compulsory for the OP's daughter already.

If that poster was me...

I've already said agreed that the child is not of compulsory school age.

However, if a child starts school before compulsory age, their attendance is as compulsory as anyone else's. Attendance is not optional because they are not yet of compulsory school age.

That's a misconception that many parents on here have.

The misinformation i referred to was not the fact of compulsory school age, but rather the misconception.

Attendance is not optional because they are not yet of compulsory school age

... once they are on roll.

They are still not compulsory School age

No one is saying they are.

But once a child is enrolled at school their attendance is compulsory regardless of their age. Just like anyone else.

It's just that before compulsory school age, the parents are not required to have them educated.

Did she now Delores, I missed that bit! How rude, op is a GF methinks.

I think poor op is ill and she said it was serious. I can imagine that feeling under pressure from school might be hard to cope with right now

I can sort of see why OP has reacted this way to the questioning of office staff. If she is dealing with difficult medical issue, she may feel defensive for personal questions. But I still think she need to think about that school staff are the ones you entrust your child with for a long time, and they are only trying to help us parents and children.
It is very sad that misunderstanding/break down of communication happened between school and OP.

OK Autumn they are not compulsory School age and do not have to attend school until they are five. Better?

I have serious health issues and multiple appointments including ones over an hour away and at multiple hospitals. I understand how difficult it is to get appointments and how hard it is to rearrange them and cover them with childcare and juggle them with work and school BUT I see this as my problem to solve and have never taken my child out of school because it was difficult to sort out arrangements.
I don't have lots of family to help but changed appointments when possible, asked friends, arranged wrap round care or babysitters.
Knowing about an appointment well in advance helped you with this you had the opportunity to do something about it, often I have very little notice. If this is a health issue surely this is going to happen again what are you going to do then? You need to think how you are going to cope with this in the future. Your solution doesn't sound sustainable long term. Possibly granny needs to come to yours and get a taxi or work out the buses.
The school isn't being nosy or intrusive they are doing their duty to make sure your child attends school. By being so evasive you have made an issue where there isn't an issue. You could have quite simply stated ' I am attending a serious medical appointment that unfortunately was unable to be rearranged for a more convenient time, I have been unable to arrange care at home so she's going to have to spend the day with a relative to far away to attend school that day.'
It gives very little personal detail yet explains the detail required for the school that means you aren't just buggering off for the day because you feel like it (that happens a lot at DSs school - lots of people take their kids out because they feel like a day out, our attendance figures are dismal)

wonkylegs, such a great post. I can imagine what kind of person you are.

Autumn no their attendance at school is not compulsory, even if the child is on school roll.

Doesn’t really matter whether YABU or not OP when you ask after sending your stroppy emails!

I was advised not to post on here for advise as it’s full of the kind of women that I avoid on the play ground, they were right! Most (not all) of you are missing the point so I’ll leave this chav fest. Thank you

Who advised you? Could they not pick up your DD as a one off?
What did you want advice from MN for? What was your actual question?

And I agree that a child who is non compulsory school age is still non compulsory even if they are on roll. I have a child in my class who has attended for less that one week in total since September. There is nothing we can do.

wonkylegs
You sound wonderful.

And it's nice to have someone with a range of medical issues confirming what many of us have said.

OK Autumn they are not compulsory School age and do not have to attend school until they are five. Better?

But no one is disagreeing with that

However, the OP's daughter has started school and, therefore, her attendance is compulsory - just as if she were of compulsory school age.