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School want to know too much

349 replies

Balinahome · 10/11/2017 15:50

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

OP posts:
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Wolfiefan · 10/11/2017 22:59

It is a bad call. Also the OP has handled the school really badly. (Probably being as rude as to us on the thread!)
School is important.
Not sure what the sarcastic is for either. Confused

GingerIvy · 10/11/2017 23:02

Nobody said education was not important.

In your opinion, it is a bad call. In my opinion, it is not.

And I'd say there was quite a bit of rudeness from other posters as well.

And riiiight, of course you're not sure. Hmm

Grin People here on MN can be amusing sometimes.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/11/2017 01:40

It's not that it's a big deal for a 5-year-old to miss a day's school. (The obsession with attendance is another of those fuckwitted government initiatives that nobody has thought to link with the policy that any kid who pukes has to be off for a clear 48 hours even if the puking was down to an ill-advised chocolate binge). It's that OP has been pissy and hostile towards the school from the start. And any school that's just had a round of safeguarding training will go 'Little girl absent from school, very vague and snarky mentions of medical appointments and it being private matters, hostile parent' and basically think: FGM.

Bowerbird5 · 11/11/2017 02:39

Walk a mile in OP shoes before making judgements.

The appointment might be life threatening news. Has no one considered that! Perhaps OP is a bit prickly because she doesn't wish people to know. She left her DC with someone that knows and loves her and she would feel safe and secure with granny. If the hospital was running late( how many of us have experienced that happening) then there is no problem. No worries.
Op may live rurally, I do and no childminders here now I gave up. She may not know or want to leave her daughter with another parent that her daughter doesn't know well. Travelling may add to the time taken so inconvenience another if she did leave her.
OPs daughter doesn't need to be in full time school yet.
As for the comments about receptionists- we have two lovely ones just now but previously we had one of the nosiest, bossiest, rudest woman I have ever met. She had been very nosey into why I was off but I only needed to give her the code and she was pressing to find out. I had just been for investigation for cancer and as my family didn't know I certainly didn't want anyone else knowing( anyone considered OP might be waiting for news?) and I was quite pleased when I heard my boss telling her off the next day for being too nosey about a parent.
I didn't read all the posts but I am a bit shocked by some. OP I hope you are alright I bet you wish you hadn't posted now.

OldWitch00 · 11/11/2017 03:15

But why the drama, what’s wrong with honesty “I’m a single mom without childcare”. Being honest might lead to support that would prevent a similar situation next time.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 06:05

Being honest might lead to support that would prevent a similar situation next time

What support do you think the school would/could/should provide in future similar scenarios?

The school will still expect the OP to value her child's education and it isn't their responsibility to organise childcare.

Norestformrz · 11/11/2017 06:42

The school will still expect the OP to value her child's education and it isn't their responsibility to organise childcare. Yes the school will expect the OP to value her child’s education but they should be sympathetic to her difficulties and may be able to point her in the direction of someone who can help with child care.

raspberrycordial · 11/11/2017 06:45

Sounds like the op’s school taught common sense and social awareness during the 3 weeks a year she had off as a child. I agree that she’s in for a rough ride if this post is any indication of her attitude towards the school and other parents. Mil is 30 mins away, why she couldn’t make her way over to the school during the day to pick up said child or op couldn’t collect her in the morning is beyond me. My child and their education would come before me not wanting to make friends with the other parents. Op you sound like an utter snob and I can guarantee the other parents will be avoiding you more than the reverse.

MaisyPops · 11/11/2017 06:55

Could the OP not ask for a place at wraparound care for that day?

I can't help but feel this is an appointment that's been known about for a while and rather than make arrangements she decided to take her child off school.

Yes, the child doesn't legally have to be there, but (in my experience) the OP's attitude towards school and staff being nosey is very similar to parents who keep their children off throughout school.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 06:59

Yes the school will expect the OP to value her child’s education but they should be sympathetic to her difficulties and may be able to point her in the direction of someone who can help with child care.

Confused I am a primary school teacher. What on earth makes you think it should be my responsibility to source childcare for the parents of children i teach?!

At the very most, the school office might have a list of local childminders but that is all.

And the OP would need to ask for it. It's not the school's responsibility to manage the OP's life.

Norestformrz · 11/11/2017 07:04

I’m also a primary teacher and a parent. My school would definitely be sympathetic if they knew a parent was struggling for child care (which might result in unnecessary absence from school) and would do their utmost to help. As to responsibility it’s very much a teachers responsibility to ensure children are in school.

user789653241 · 11/11/2017 07:08

banging, I think op knows that her dd is not compulsory school age. I don't think school was trying to intimidate her. They just wanted to do their job, that they needed to know why she needs the day off, which op refused to answer by thinking office person was nosey.
She didn't need to go into details, but at least if she told them the reasons, they could have been sympathetic.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 07:10

With regards to the child being below compulsory school age.

There seems to be a widespread misunderstanding about this because the comments on here are ones I've read elsewhere on MN over the years.

Whilst it is true that children don't have to start school until the term after their 5th birthday, once they have started, attendance isn't optional.

Ofsted don't make a distinction in the attendance figures.
The LA don't make a distinction in the attendance figures.
The children's progress data is still collected, analysed and submitted along with every other child's.

Once they are on roll, attendance is NOT optional because they have not yet reached 'compulsory' school age.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 07:19

My school would definitely be sympathetic if they knew a parent was struggling for child care...

In an emergency yes, but would your school not expect parents to make their own childcare arrangements if they had advance warning?

We will keep a child in the office if a parent is running late, or if we have been told a parent might be running late due to work/an appointment but or will provide an ad hoc place in after school club if one is available, but that's not really a solution to the OP's situation.

She needs to take responsibility for this herself.

MaisyPops · 11/11/2017 07:20

They just wanted to do their job, that they needed to know why she needs the day off, which op refused to answer by thinking office person was nosey.
Exactly. No need for lots of details but give a reason.

OP has said next time they'll lie and say DC is ill.

So the child will be a pupil in a school where 'mum took her out for a day but refused to give reasons and was rude to the office staff and since then she tends ti have odd days here and there when mum calls in ill'.
Anyone with any safeguardinging training would start wondering what's going on.

And all this because:
OP thinks that when she can't picl DC uo she can have the day off school
When school ask why she gets rude and defencive and has said she'll lie in future.

Norestformrz · 11/11/2017 07:47

No Autumn we would be sympathetic regardless.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 08:22

No Autumn we would be sympathetic regardless.

All they actually did was tell her it would be recorded as an unauthorised absence.

Norestformrz · 11/11/2017 08:25

And if she’d explained that as a single parent with no childcare (without going into too many details) it was unavoidable they may have authorised the absence or suggested ways the child could attend.

SoupDragon · 11/11/2017 08:33

Is she a single parent?

Sirzy · 11/11/2017 08:35

I don’t think she has said that and given that the child is going to MIL for the day that would suggest no matter what father/fathers side of the family are involved in some level so it’s not a single parent with no support

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 08:39

it was unavoidable they may have authorised the absence or suggested ways the child could attend.

Firstly, I don't think the OP was interested in listening to ways in which the child could attend - she called this thread a Chav Fest because people made such suggestions Grin

Secondly, whether a single day was recorded as authorised/unauthorised makes absolutely no difference to the OP anyway, you know that.

ivykaty44 · 11/11/2017 08:40

Op

I have known private school to take a dim view on absence from school, to the point that they write to the parents concerned instructing then to find alternative schooling for the children from the following term.

I am so glad both my dds have finished schooling as the attitude of schools has changed considerably.

I was lucky when I asked my dds (year 5at the time) head teacher if it was possible for her to have 5 weeks over Xmas - he was really positive about a long haul trip. The head had dd speak on her trip in assembly on her return.

I know now that such a trip would have been forbidden

GingerIvy · 11/11/2017 08:49

She has a MIL, so it's possible she is not a single parent, although I still refer to ex-MIL as MIL. Regardless, it's pretty clear that at the moment, she wanted her child to be with her MIL during this appointment. It's possible that she didn't expect to be home until perhaps 5pm or so and didn't want to impose on friends locally or it may have conflicted with local friends' schedules.

I told her that I had an appointment and I wasn’t available to collect my daughter; she then said what appointment is it, why have you got it, when did you find out about it.....so I felt that I shouldn’t have to disclose that information as it made me feel uncomfortable.

I don't feel the receptionist would need all this info - she has no need to know what the OP's appointment is, why she has it, or when she found out about it. "A medical appointment" is really all she needed.

I think that in the push for 100% attendance, schools have gone too far - we've had a few instances where school said our child should have attended school. For example, (as stated previously) when they were ill (school said we should let THEM decide if they were well enough to attend school, which is utterly inappropriate). Another instance was the school telling me that we needed to schedule all medical/dental appointments outside of school hours. I have two children with disabilities - their specialists send appointments by post and that is almost engraved in stone. You can attempt to change the appointment - but then you may be waiting another month or two to get in, which is not a good option. And some specialists only have "clinic" appointments on certain days and hours, so you take what you get. As a parent, I want my child to be educated, but it is MY responsibility to decide if they are able to attend school - not the school's.

Norestformrz · 11/11/2017 08:50

Yes I know that and I’m not talking specifically about the OP but in general terms. Schools do realise that parents face difficulties at times (many teachers are parents) and the best way to find a solution is to communicate. The OP is obviously unwilling to do that which is a pity.
If as some have suggested the OPs appointment may be for life threatening reasons then the situation is unlikely to be a one off so needs to be addressed.

Banging reception absenteeism does count towards the school’s figures and I was told in a meeting this week that our LA is going to include nursery attendance figures in our data too!

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow · 11/11/2017 08:52

schools have gone too far

It's not the schools.

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