A Valentines disco? For Reception?????

[nearlythree]

The school PTA have organised a Valentines disco - well, two in fact, one for 4-7 year olds and the other for the rest of the school. Apart from the fact that it finishes after dd1's bedtime, I am furious that the school thinks this is appropriate for such young children. I know that Michelle Elliot of Kidscape has spoken out about this trend and I am shocked that dd1's school aren't more clued up. Dh is backing me on this and wants me to see the head about it. Whatever happens dd1 won't be going.

I grew up going to the holiday camp at Caistor. Loathed every second of it.

Dh does not do boogeying even with me. Especially with me. And pmsl at you thinking I'm posh (I'm a Romford girl, me!)

In USA valentines is yet another 'holiday'. Children will send valentines to all members of their class at school (N3 faints in shock!) and probably have a party (eat heart shaped cookies etc). It is also common to send valentines to members of the family. I have noticed how much the UK is following the USA in their love of all things holiday. For example, halloween is huge over here and it's becoming that way in UK. Just you wait a few years, you won't be just worrying about sending them to a disco you will have to send valentines to the other kids in the class too

I knew about the big Valentine's thing in the States - I read Zoe Heller (an English writer) on how her daughter was bullied at school b/c she didn't realise her little girl needed to give all her classmates a Valentine's gift ( this probably subconsciously feeds my dislike of the whole thing.)

Sorry, should add ZH was living in New York o/wise that doesn't make sense.

Oh, not sure what to say to that one. I just have a preschooler and I'm sure there will be no bullying going on. He does keep asking 'what's valentines day?' which is tricky to answer in 4yo terms! Anyway, it's quite sweet when they all give each other their little gifts - I think it has evolved because kids are just about finishing their halloween candy now and need to restock!

Please don't think I'm being anti-American - it's the exploitation of children by the marketing companies that gets me. We have a similar situation here with childrens' birthday parties. The way all these things get pushed at children is designed to make them grabby. (goes off to ponder whether I'm thinking a Valentines disco or anything is exposing my dd to commercial exploitation - now you all think I'm barking of course).

I do see wher eyou are coming from

My DH feels that Valentine's Day is inappropriate to target children because it is basically about sexual pairings

But dd comes home from nursery with Valentine's cards for Daddy

This makes him uncomfortable

I do see where you are coming from nearly3. As it will be a party, why not call it that? As the children will not be romantically inclined, why bring Valentines into it?

My sons have been to school discos organised by the PTA and they are really fun and everything is innocent. I don't angst about them much, but still, I can certainly see where you are coming from about them being age appropriate and spoiling the magic for later on.

I definitely wouldn't complain to the head or the PTS as it's not a battle worth having IMO.

If you want to take it further, I think you should ask the PTA what disco is being hired and ask about the music arrangements.

Will the music lyrics will be vetted for the very young audience? These children are not 10 or 11 but, they are 5 - 7, so does the dj take this into account. I have been shocked to hear the lyrics of some songs used at school discos.

I think you have been got at too much on this thread.

When is the last time any adult you knew went to a "disco"? The word means "little kid party with music" to my ears. Nowadays, teenagers don't attend "discos", much less adults. (Teens go to raves and clubs, instead, don't they??).

I am American and Valentines day is really sweet over there. Yes they all give cards to everyone else in the class. Is that really any more horribly commercialised than the way my English DCs got got inundated this year with Xmas cards from their classmates? I don't see the difference or that it's any worse. And you're supposed to give a card to everyone else in the class, so relatively few children get left out.

I find the British idea of how to send Valentines' cards extremely stupid. Send an anonymous card but don't even address it to the intended in your own handwriting, an act which somehow infuses the whole experience of receiving it with mystique and romance (barf).

To some people the Valentines day is extended to sending love & best wishes to old friends as well as just between loved up couples. It can mean whatever you want it to mean - if children think it's just a day to celebrate friendship and love then so be it, it's up to you if you want them to think that it's only for people in couples or who fancy people then that's your choice I guess.

IMO disco at that age is equivalent to party. It's probably only the disco before half term which just happens to be near Valentines Day.

I do think that some things are getting a bit silly. E.g. DD didn't have a Halloween themed party at school because "religious people can be offended by it." So most of the people DD goes to school with just ended up dressing up and having their own parties and the school association missed out on fundraising!

so a disco for yr 1 is OK (as per Jimjams' DS2 party) but a disco in reception is outrageous?

{baffled}

Clary, as I said in my post to jimjams, whatever a parent decides to do for their child's birthday is fine by me. Also it's obvious that at dd1's school there is a big gap between the reception children and the yr 1 children. A lot of dd1' classmates have August birthdays (five out of a class of 15).

FWIW our village regularly has discos for adults, but as we are a load of carrot crunchers we are probably well behind the times.

I really don't get why we need a special day to tell people we love them? Dd1 makes her friends cards all the time.

Thank you Tigermoth for your support. Tbh it's getting a bit wearying going over the same things, and I don't understand why people are so scornful over someone trying to do what is best for their child, however wrong-headed that may seem. I was only intending to go to the head b/c I wanted to put our pov to him and b/c I was interested in what his opinion as a professional would be - there is no way I would have expected him to cancel it so there wouldn't have been much of a battle. I agree about song lyrics - some are truly awful. I also hate the kind of package that is sold to children by the pop music industry - once they get into groups like S Club then they aspire to the whole image and the girls are terribly thin, 'famous' without having the talent to sustain it, and although the way they dress might appeal to frustrated dads and hormonal adolescents it's hardly the way you'd want your 11 yr old to dress, much less your 5 yr old. It's not that we don't let them listen to music - dd1 likes Keane, dd2 Moby and ds goes wild at Bob Marley - it's just that I save my Goldfrappe Cds for when they are in bed.

MP, thank you. Poor dh with his Valentines card - all little girls fall in love with their daddies, don't they? (Although dd1 wants to marry her best friend. So I told her that some ladies do marry ladies but then she told me I was silly. ) But yes, contemporary Valentines day is about romantic/sexual love, not friendship.

I think part of my concern stems from my own experiences - I've noticed several posters are surprised when I mention the 'snogging' at my junior school disco - I also mentioned that by the age of 12 several of my peers at school were sexually active and by 14 I'd say most girls in my class were - and this was 20 yrs ago. It's hardly surprising that I want to do all I can to protect my dcs.

sorry N3 I thought you said it was OK for a 6yo party (ie someone who is now 5) but not for reception (ie a group of people who are 4 or 5). That's why I was a bit .

OK, I think we all back you (I certainly do) for not wanting your DC to grow up too fast. I also abhor tarty clothes and make up etc. My DD doesn't do that stuff. But she does enjoy the school disco.

I think the reason this thread has sparked such a response is that your OP speaks of "fury" and "shock" at a disco for 4-5 yos, and a plan to see the head. I think some of us thought this an over-reaction.

BTW I have had colonic irrigation (in the spirit of research of course) and it wasn't that bad

I must have missed something

Clary, I was very angry, and shocked when I read the notice about the disco - I think I first formed an opinion about this even before I had children, and for some reason I'd thought that a small school like dd1's wouldn't go in for them. I'm annoyed that I am having to deal with something I didn't think I would have to, IYSWIM. I am also genuinely surprised how normal and common they seem to be. I'd only just read the notice when I OP'd so was probably stronger in stating my views than I otherwise would have been - certainly I don't feel so angry now, although I haven't changed my mind. I should also have made it clear that I didn't intend the head to take any action. But clearly I'm in a minority about this issue and I will just have to get used to being known as a fruitcake .

Now my big issue is what to do about dd1 missing out. Am tempted to book a weekend away.

Message withdrawn

Thank you so much, lisalisa, for putting so eloquently what I have been trying to say.

Well put lisalisa!

We have a Valentine's Family Disco for our Toddler Group - it's useful to have a theme for any fund raiser.

We made playdough hearts and painted them last year then wrote "I love my Mummy/Daddy/Granny etc" on them in silver pen...

nearlythree - wouldn't you rather that your dd associated the word 'disco' with eating some sweets, playing a few party games in her school hall and running around with her friends than with something sinister that she must be kept away from?

It's called a 'Valentine's Disco' but munless your PTA committee have some very unusual ideas that I've never encountered, the DJ will be a children's entertainer.

As for the person who suggested a daytime party with jelly etc - would the children miss lessons to attend? Or would it be held on a Saturday, in which case hardly anyone would turn up?

And who would clear up the jelly-strewn floor and walls?

Sweets??? SWEETS? The children of MN do not eat sweets!! Do you know nothing 40 plus?

Most of the schools my kids have been to couldn't afford to lay on a children's entertainer, unless at Christmas, so it's just music and group games with the teachers.

Mine live on organic produce 362 days of the year but when they go to their school discos I am quite happy for them to gorge themselves with Haribo!
Seriously, though... as I said earlier I used to run the PTA and I was shocked that kids were coming to the disco with £10 or £20 and blowing the lot on sweets. So I started having a pocket money toy stall including lucky dips. We charged £2 entry, the disco cost £120 to hire and we ended up making about £500 a time profit.
So there's no reason for a school not to have one on cost grounds - it'll end up raising worthwhile funds. (Which, if I'm truthful, is why it gets right up my nose when people get all holier-than-thou about their little darlings!)
I am probably responsible for more hyperactivity than most!