A Valentines disco? For Reception?????

[nearlythree]

The school PTA have organised a Valentines disco - well, two in fact, one for 4-7 year olds and the other for the rest of the school. Apart from the fact that it finishes after dd1's bedtime, I am furious that the school thinks this is appropriate for such young children. I know that Michelle Elliot of Kidscape has spoken out about this trend and I am shocked that dd1's school aren't more clued up. Dh is backing me on this and wants me to see the head about it. Whatever happens dd1 won't be going.

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Shiny - I can't find anything either....going to have another look,.

So.... just to clear this up...
How many people out of 228 posts would actually have a problem with calling a kids' party a 'Valentine's Disco'????

Not me.

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Our school is having a Valentine's Cake Sale - if there's any kissing over the fairy cakes, I'll let you know.

Valentine's Disco for 4 - 7 year olds...

I'd have a little bit of a problem with the wording for the reasons N3 mentions

Definitely wouldn't voice my concerns to school or PTA. Choosing my battles etc. Definitely would let my child go to the disco. Not being that protective.

Thinking of the wording - PTA want to hold a party event in February with a disco.... Why not call it:

February Funtime
Jump around evening
Playtime Party
Fun and Games Evening
Schools Out Party
Music Madness
etc etc etc

Or theme it like a birthday party- pirates, pantomime etc

And going back to children's entertainment hire. I have often - very often - cringed at the lyrics that children's disco djs pass as being ok for a young audience.

Recently my 7 year old was at a birthday party and the disco was run by a slick group of twentysomething dancers who, as part of a fun filled 2 hours, organised a talent contest. All the children went on stage in turn to mime to a song. So there were mini eminems, robbie williams, Madonnas, beyonces etc - lots of gyrating and cool poses encouraged by the dancers. Ok it was fun to watch in a sort of open mouthed horrified kind of way. But the lyrics and concept were way too adult IMO. A bit like seeing animals dressed in fancy dress costume at a circus!

[incredulous emotcion]

Or... here's a thought... why not just call it a Valentine's Disco.

Honestly I think some people think too much, or haven't got enough to think about

or not

(didn't take me long to think of alternatives!)

there was snogging at my dd nursery school disco last easter - it was some kids dad and one of the teachers kid went off wandering and came back shouting mummy why is daddy licking miss x!

dd aged 3 loves discos parties dancing and anything where she can wear her princess dresses or swishy dresses as she calls them, she wont buy a dress unless it swishes round when she spins round! and she has to have clunk clunk shoes as she calls them dressing up shoes with heels! and she wears jewellery and make up well lip gloss eye shadow and nail varnish, she has her own stuff as i was fed up of her getting hold of my dior and chanel!

she will spend hours dancing like a lunatic or spinning round in circles and she is also a fan of the sliding on knees thing but that is more fun when we are walking through a shopping centre

she has been to loads of wedding receptions where she has been the last one dancing at gone 2am but then i suppose she has been filled full of fruit shoots and sausage rolls!

and like someone else i was never allowed to do anything go to discos and i even had my mum choosing my clothes when i was 13 14 and they were hideous stuff more suited to a 7 year old, i hated her for it totally rebelled left home at 17 to live with unsuitable older boyfriend and spent the next 15 years partying as hard as i could knowing my mum totally disapproved of it

I don't know why anyone would get so worked up about the name - as others have said - it's the content that counts.

To me it's similar to the well-meaning white people who cause great offence to most Muslims by changing 'Christmas' to 'Winter Festival' or suchlike.

The world has gone mad.

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Mitbap - I acknowledge your concern about "The thing I find insidious is that no one seems to have an issue with kids so young already being gender stereotyped as manic knee sliders or 'pretty princesses'. Forget the inappropriateness of sparkly tops and nail polish - the horse has already bolted.".

However, as the mother of a 6 year old boy, I do not know where he learnt the knee sliding from. Certainly not at home - and not from the teachers at school! I think waht most of the others were commenting on here with wry obseravtion that no matter how "right on" we are re stereo typing, you don't stand a chance when they start mixing with other kids.

We have encouraged him to be open to new epxereinces and tried not to gender stereo type him. Last year, we had him going to ballet, when the school offered an after-school club. This year he is going to the school's after-school gym club.

I encourage him to bake at home - but his favourite activity is still playing football.

Adn he will be made to wear a "skirt" occasionally, to confound the dressing up stereo types (only it's called a kilt! )

prettybird - my son had fairy wings that he happily wore till he was about 6!
He's 11 now and is still very much an individual - he likes his hair quite long - past his collar - even though some of the boys in his form tease him. Needless to say the girls love it - he lets them comb it and put it in bunches or a pony tail. Weird child

Geez, I wouldn't get worked up about knee sliding, and it's laughable to call it gender stereotyping (only just glanced in on this thread again, so forgive me if I've mis-understood anything) it's just a little boy thing, they all do it. My two do it at home on our laminate flooring. It's normal. So is the 'pretty princess' thing for girls. it's just kids being kids, and thank God for it.

My only issue with knee sliders is it wrecks ther blo*dy trousers. Boys slide on their knees and girls dance about and giggle and on the whole want to look like princesses or fairies. No amount of ballet, gymnastics or wing wearing on boys,,, or dungarees, woodwork or playing with cars seems to change this.

MummyPenguin - I think you just strengthened my position - it is gender stereotyping if most people think like you that that is the way it should be.
I'm not actually saying my dds are any different. They do learn this stuff from somewhere -g ender based differentiation is still endemic in society.I have found it almost impossible to encourage a gender-less environment - hell, for a start their parents are 60's children and somehow it's fallen out that we are not really leading by example there if you look at the way responsibilities have worked out.
I just find it strange that you can rely on an outcry at any suggestion of racial/religious based differentiation/stereotyping and the detrimental effect on opportunity and quality of life - but we're not sticking up for our girls - and yes, being expected to devote our energies to being cute and pretty and interested in makeup and clothes and dolls and 'caring' activites is limiting.
Have you ever worked in an office, have you ever wondered why the women who turn up looking like they are going to a club or a beach are not managing the company?!!

Mitbap - I think that there is a lot of nature rather than nurture. Ds' preferences and behaviours have developed despite us not because of us. We refuse to get him guns - he makes them out of sticks or lego. He does play with dolls and action figures - but in a much more active way than I have observed girls doing. He loves to play football - that definitely didn't come from me!

And I am a "right on" feminist (who will still say she is one) who grew up in the 60s, went to uni in 1978, was used to going to big meetings when I joined ICI on graduateding where they would say "Welcome, Lady and gentlemen". I have never assumed that something is not open to me just because I am a female.

But I do like make-up. I do like nice clothes.

We're even shwoing a particulalry good example to ds now, as I am the full time salary earner and dh is the one at home and therfore doing the majority of child care. I hesitate to say "househuband", as tat wasn't the deal when he took a redundnacy package, but he's essentially a student at the moment and also setting up a web-site - both of which are done from home, so it is easier for him to pick up the majority of the care.

So ds doesn't assume that a daddy works and a mummy stays at home - although if things had worked out diffrently, then that might have been the case and there would have been nothing wrong with that either.

TBH I don't see what is wrong with little girls wanting to dress up. Surely that is just as normal and valid a choice as wanting to wear jeans and trainers to a school disco. My 2yo knows you dress up for parties. Now for her this means a velvet party dress with a bow at the back and black patent shoes and a sparkly hair clip. So guess what she will be wearing at DS's Valentines Disco? The issue is not so much dressing up, but age-appropriate dressing up. And yes, I have been known to go to the school disco and tut at 7yos in short denim skirts and heels.

The children absolutely love it though. They also have a Halloween one and they all dressed up and my children got ready with the children of two of my friends and you should have seen the pure excitement eminating from the six children in that room as they got spiders etc painted on their faces.

What do you know, same age, same background - although in truth I guess I'm a no make up, jeans and t-shirt type. Also have relatively high powered job in technical environment - of course it's possible - never said it wasn't. But I do look around the office and wonder where all the women went and I do notice it's the other way around in some other environments (teaching, nursing, retail i.e. the lower paid market).
And yet we keep being told how girls do better than boys in school - so there's some filtering going on somewhere.

I'm now in Telecoms and there seem to be quite a few females in the industry (not 50:50 - but not bad).

I wear make up a lot less and I am a lot less concerned about how I look than I used to be - age and having a kid does change your priorities! Weekends are very much jeans and a T-shirt - but I do still like to dress-up when there is an occasion.

But I don't think enjoying dressing up is part of the "filtering" process - I think that is a red herring. it is imparnt that girls - and boys - are told that they can do whatever they want to do - and however they want to look. A girl shouldn't be put off dressing up just becasue it mgiht get in the way of a career. Why can't she look good and have a career?

I have to admire my parents for never putting any such filters on to me - I always assumed I could do whatever I put my mind to and that it was up to me to go after it. It never crossed my mind that certain professions were "out of bounds" for females!

(Not that's a bit of a diversion from A Valentine's Disco for Reception! )

Prettybird - I think we're fixating on the 'dressing up' issue here. Where did I say looking good gets in the way of your career. I think looking good (i.e. fit, healthy, slender) is a big advantage to either sex in any situation. I was not in any way meaning that clothes/makeup alone are what stops women being successful but it has some contextual relevance - I just used it as a small example (i.e. beachy clothes in the office) of the inappropriate mindset that doesn't help command respect and an expectation of being taken seriously. The point was I think that it is still a gender unfair society and one manifestation of this is that a good looking woman in a short skirt and halter top undoubtably provokes a different reaction to a man in a sharp suit in many professional environments.

DS also likes to look smart for the school disco - a nice shirt and his hair spiked (because I do not allow this on a regular school day).

Well....

Aftre a bit of thought, dh and I decided that we would buy dd1 a ticket to teh disco. If she emntione dit, she could go, if she didn't, we would quietly bin it.

Dd1 got wind of it and wanted to go b/c she is 'the best disco dancer'. She wore her long blue velvet Monsoon skirt with silver sequins, and her cream -ahem - Donna Karan lace blouse (thanks, Grandma!) with a sparkly hair clip, bangles, and beads. She looked so pretty.

Neither dh nor I went, of which she is very proud, b/c it means she is a 'bog girl' [sob].I think she danced a bit, but mostly she seems to have been riding on another girl's back who was pretending to be a horse, and also played 'dragging' but I haven't got to the bottom of that yet. I am proud to say that the only music she identified is Bob the Builder.

I'm still not convinced the disco theme was right - by all accounts the dancing and music was incidental - but dd1 had a great, if knackering, time.