DS not invited to a party

[CandyCrush77]

Found out today that DS1, 8, has not been invited to one of his close friends' party. There are 13 boys in his class and although I am not sure how many are going I think it is most of the boys in the class. DS1 doesn't know yet but trying to work out what to say to him why he asks me why he hasn't been invited. Really heartbreaking as he isn't that popular in the class and he really likes this boy and I know would want to go. Even harder is that his mum and I chat all the time and I now do not feel like being friendly to her in anyway, in fact, I am not sure I will have anything to say to her. Really hurts that people have to be so divisive. Another mum said she was surprised DS wasn't going and thought it could be because DS1 and the birthday boy can be a bad influence on each other as they are both quite fiesty. I know I should just get over this but very hurt on DS1's behalf and very pissed off with this woman.

You came on looking for advice, You have received advice. Just because it is not what you want to hear does not make it wrong.

If You think I have insulted you or called you mentally ill then please report my post and keep your PM's to Yourself, I'm not interested.

Don't worry I will leave your thread now, You keep doing what you are doing and cary on making mountains out of molehills. Good Luck :)

I have read the thread, and I stand by what I said. You are making a minor issue into a massive drama - You, no one else. You need to calm down and leave the kids to it.

Are you going to get personally offended on his behalf forever?

I wouldn't lie to him. If this boy likes and plays with your DS as much as you say then the party's bound to come into general conversation at some point.

Probably the invite got lost. We had a similar incident recentlu, Inwas just about to have an eternal internal hump but it turned out the invitation didnt make it to me. Same for my DD's friend at another party.

You're sounding more shrill with each post

Ok, you're right, cut off everyone who looks at you the wrong way, see how far that gets you

I'd invite for the playdate. You might find out about what happened with the party invite. If your DS indeed wasnt imvited it'll be the last palydate but ai'd be surprisednif it's the case.

My DS was never invited to parties when we lived in our previous town. He went through year 1 and half of year 2 with no invites. We actually had a day after school when we've headed out to the beach and most of his classmates and their mothers and siblings were having a mega picnic and he wasn't invited. He was so upset. It was the first time I've seen him cry because we hasn't invited. I never understood why. I talked with his teacher about it and she said he had lots of friends and the other children really liked him but still he wasn't invited. I've never talked with other mothers about this as I felt it be inappropriate. We've moved recently and since April he's had two birthday parties and a picnic in the park with his pals. Why did this happen? I've no idea!

Don't take it as a personal insult, it is not about you whatsoever. Try to show kindness by inviting him over as requested by your ds. That's the best lesson you can teach your son surely - to always be kind, rather than inciting a grudge match.

Pspc, that's really heartbreaking. So sorry to hear it. I have spoken to the teacher before about friendship issues as DS said he felt lonely as noone ever picked him as their partner, and the teacher said he has lots of friends/no issues etc. So puzzling. Even worse is that I confided in this mother about this so she is aware that he was upset and looking for reassurance.

Costa., you really can't stop with the personal insults can you? It's really not worthy of anyone to insult a mother worrding about her child, is it?

I know it's not about me. I am only upset because I know this will be upsetting and puzzling for DS if he finds out. I will not tell DS WHY we are not inviting this child over, I will just suggest other kids. In my view, it is totally the wrong thing to invite this child over. Why risk hurting DS again? If the other posters are right and this kid and his parents see DS as a problem child/bad influence then presumably they won't let him coe to a play date either? No way am i going to put DS in that position. Much better to arrange a playdate with another friend. Have just done this infact.

But at this age, they are friends one day, not the next, and friends again the following week!

You can't micromanage this OP, it's impossible. As hurtful as Fallings put can be, they are an important part of growing up and teach kids important life lessons about managing g conflict and being resilient. You really, really won't do him any favours if you take it upon yourself to wrap him in cotton wool and not let him face these situations, he'll go into adulthood wholly unequipped to deal with relationship issues.

It's not like that in his class. They (or at least all the boys) seem to get on very well. There IS no conflict with this boy and DS WILL have to face this situation and deal with it. I cannot wrap him in cotton wool or micromanage it in anyway. I can steer him towards other friends though rather then encouraging him to run after a child who clearly doesn't think of him as a close friend, or a friend at all, and whose parents seem to dislike him. I think I have every right to be upset with the parents for this. I am fairly sure it will be most of the boys in the class (I would say 10 out of 13).

Ok, seems you are determined to take this personally and demonise this kid and parents.

Good luck, hope your lashing out doesn't isolate your son further.

I don't think overreacting will help your child.

This has happened to ALL of us, it really has.

And the way you deal with it is by telling DS he was not invited this time. No need for lengthy explanations or tearing your hair out. Also, you can use it to teach your child not to hold petty grudges, but to move on. And if he wants to invite this boy to his party anyway, let him.

You are making it much more of an intense thing than it should be.

Your son will get over it. At this age friendships can change very quickly.

You have at least 2 parent comment about ds's behaviours/ nature.(One from another thread, or are they same person?)

I don't think it would help your ds if you keep thinking everything is other people's fault, and shutting down everybody who doesn't agree with you.

How do you know the email hasn't got lost or party mum mistyped the address, if everything is as you say that seems a possibility, sorry if I've missed one of your posts and you already explained that.

I find it hard to understand parents who don't feel any kind of sadness when their child is excluded from something, I'd say it's the totally normal reaction, I've never come across such hardfaced attitudes in real life

Irvine, what would you like me to do? The child in question is also fiesty. Some kids are fiesty. The teacher has reassured me that there are no issues other than occasional silliness and DS is doing very well and is very settled. His words. This week. The other mum has commented on her own child being difficult/naughty but not on mine. On one hand I am saying ignore it/it's life, and on the other that it's another sign that people are trying to tell me something. Which is it?

Thanks lifesalong. It definitley hasn't got lost. The other mother has my email address and phone number as we often text.

Agree that it's a totally normal reaction and you'd have to have a heart of stone not to feel for them. I'm willing to bet these posters certainly don't practise what they preach.

Whathefreak, is it MY son who is being demonised, including by posters on this thread. He is fiesty so he must be a problem, right?

Demonised??????????? Oh dear, OP. You've lost the plot.

I'd imagine there's been a bit of bother between the two boys and the birthday boy dint want him there when he sent the invites. Pretty typical stuff for this age.

Don't fret about it Candy. It's not really important. No one can go to every party.

FFS Aposstrophe, read the thread before you post. I was responding to a poster accusing ME of demonising this mum.

I have a 8 years old. He is no angel. There's children who likes him, there's children who doesn't.
He had one friend in the past who he really liked, but feeling wasn't mutual.
I tried to help him to move on/ find other friends.
You can't dictate other children to be friends with your child.
I don't change my attitude towards parents according to what's happening in the kids world. They need to learn to deal with friendship issues themselves.( Obviously not when involving bullying.)

Maybe Amys but I don't think so as DS was asking for this child to come over for a playdate, always says they play together, which I can see they do. They are always together at school. I would feel a lot better if it was the child who hadn't invited him rather than the parents. Pretty sure it is the parents.