Children told off after Nativity.

[Sweetsecret]

Hi everyone,
Just need a bit of a rant etc.
Went to my dd''s year one Nativity last night.
It was fab, all the kids had a great time and the parents all enjoyed it.
Until... the kids came back out of their classroom after getting changed out of their costume with a lot of them crying and most of them looking quite deflated.
Apparently their teacher had given them a really big telling off saying their behaviour was disgusting, ' that your parents may let you behave the way you want to, but I am your teacher and I have never had a year 1 as bad as you!" She singled out a few children who were on the "good list" and the rest of the class were told that she was disgusted with them and that they are now banned from doing any Xmas activities for the rest of the week.
I sat and watched the play and the kids were amazing, they sang their songs really well and did their reading and considering 12 kids didn't actually turn up and they had to cover their lines they did amazingly well.
We didn't finish until 7pm, so after a long day at school they did brilliantly, all of them.
It has just left a really bad taste in my mouth.
My Dd (5) came home and said I wasn't good in the play tonight, miss xxxxx said so.
Is it me or is this really uncalled for?

Goodness - at our infant school the kids had a bit of a talking to for playing up during the first performance (DS is a compulsive confessor - if he's been told off at school it plays on his conscience until he's told me about it).

He'd been a bit... enthusiastic.. while singing the hallelujah song, and kept waving and thumbs upping the audience the rest of the time. Apparently lines like 'the only ones you're embarrassing are yourselves' and similar were spoken. BUT none of them came out crying, so the HT must have done it in such a way that they were told to calm down, but not made to feel upset about it.

They were much better at the next two performances apparently - and our evening one was at 6, so none of the kids were over-tired

Feenie agreed - I worded that wrongly, you are right of course, at age 5 they don't have a choice whether they turn up. But it wouldn't sit right with me as a parent if I had made the effort to take my tired child to the nativity (as expected by the school) and as a result my child is banned from a Christmas party because the teachers expectations are too high, but the child who didn't go (because they are too tired, perhaps?!) gets a party. It's hardly the right message to send the kids...

But I feel like there must be more to this, if it happened entirely as stated then I'd be very concerned about my children attending such a school...

Are there generally behaviour issues at the school, OP?

Schools don't get everything right, and on this occasion, got it quite wrong. But they do have the opportunity to think through whether this later evening performance works for 5 year olds, til 7. I would suggest not, and a sensible headteacher would have heeded the warning of this year and make changes for next year. Ours rotate who does the play (so you don't get 100's of hysterical kids all at once) so they do it every second year, it's held in school time, with three performances including for the other children. No late nights, no half the cast missing, no crying children, and if children are naughty which they often are, the normal taking out of the hall/sanctions apply (much easier if it's similar to an normal assembly than a later evening thing).

I don't think it's awful to let the school know this didn't work on many levels. It sounds like they already know that so may be looking to make changes next year.

I would t give the teacher a hard time about it though because she gave up her own time to attend the performance^^
^^
So did the kids (well most of them) All the more reason why their Christmas party shouldn't be cancelled.

I personally think the teacher needs to get a grip - yes the children should behave but we all know that nativitys at that age aren't world class performances and children get really excited.

I don't think I've ever seen a nativity where the children haven't been giggly and chatty but so? As long as they're enjoying it! God love them

I don't think appropriate behaviour equates to world class performances.

I think the parents need to get a grip. Talk about mountains out of molehills. The DCs misbehaved. The staff felt let down and told them so.

As a teacher I think that should have been enough in most circumstances but I wasn't there to make the judgement and the class teacher and head were.

Imo schools waste far too much time on Christmas plays. This is why kids are distracted and giggly on the night - they have been bored to death by the endless rehearsals! As a parent I don't expect a perfect performance - I'd much rather my dc had fun and if that means a less polished performance then so be it.

OP, I think that teacher and the head have lost the plot. When a teacher believes that a 5 year old needs to toughen up, that's the time to leave teaching - she has lost all perspective. I would be putting that comment in a letter to the governors.

And if the HT thinks your parenting is crap who should she write to?

Sense of proportion needed, I think.

No I wasn't there, but the teacher admitted she had said the things that the kids had tild us she said, but having spoken to the teacher in question last night as I said before. She agreed it wasn't he best timing, the deputy head has said it was "one of those moments that got out of hand" and the head said "they deserved all that they got."
There was another event last night where the kids were asked to come back to sing and hardly anyone turned up, I wonder why.

Same here identify.it was lovely seeing them all have so much fun and a lot of parents commented that it was a much more fun production than the one they had done in school time. The way they were going on you'd think the kids set fire to the theatre!

The teachers at our school are so lovely, I simply cannot imagine them taking this attitude over small exited children at Christmas. The pastoral support at our school is wonderful. It's a very nurturing, caring school with an emphasis on creativity and individuality. All the children, more or less, are well behaved and their nativity play was fine. Even the more excitable kids were on their best behaviour. But even if they did get a bit over excited, it's Christmas for crying out loud, everyone's excited. I'm sorry but I still think the teacher handled it badly. And I don't care what anyone says, it's bloody mean to make them miss the Christmas party. It's not like a detention after school, there's only one bloody Christmas party and when it's over it's over. I'm getting riled just thinking about those poor little kids watching all their friends get excited and getting dressed up and trooping off for a party without them. How utterly mean.

No usual behaviour problems they are a great bunch of kids, some are a bit hyper but they are just acting like 5 year old's.
The performance was lovely.

Just to be clear she admitted to telling them that their behaviour was worse than any other Y1 class shed taught and that she was disgusted and the head agreed about the behaviour?

I have been reassured that the kids will be able to attend their Xmas party, and make their Xmas decorations the head said they were telling the kids that so they 'had something over them' can't say I agree with doing that, but as long as the kids have a fun day that's all I am bothered about.
After speaking to the teacher and other parents speaking to the HT they apologised for essentially putting a dark cloud over the evening and have admitted it should've have been dealt with the next day rather than ruining the high and joy the kids had from doing their play.
Let's just hope the kids don't remember this next year and are equally as enthusiastic about performing their nativity.

Mrsz yep!!!

Sorry Mrz! Posted before i finished.Yes she agreed that it was appropriate in the morning, she had changed her tune by pick up, obviously had the day to ponder it, and that's when some parents were apologised too.

Totally disagree with dealing with it the next day.

In my experience as a teacher, I would be most disappointed, if after all the practicing and the undoubted warning not to talk during the performance, my year one class did just this. One or two children turning round and talking would have been told off individually. But as the whole group had to be hushed a few times, I would have been hugely disappointed with them. They wouldn't have been excused for being 'only 5 or 6'. The reception class were also expected to sit still and quiet and join in without being silly as the occasion warrants their very best and they are perfectly capable of doing this (with the exception of one or two who need support to do this for various reasons)

However, the fact that they needed hushing hints at poor discipline in the first place as children who are used to high expectations usually rise to the occasion. Maybe having parents who also have high expectations would help the school achieve better standards. None of the year one children in my school turned and chatted during their nativity, they were praised afterwards and were very proud of themselves.

I do think evening performances are a little much for infants though, we stick to afternoons and do juniors in the evening. I do think the teacher was right to tell the children off, although missing their party is a little extreme.

I feel satisfied that it has been dealt with now, the teacher was very nice about and apologised for saying their behaviour was disgusting and saying they were bad, we left it on very good terms having both said our part and it was left with us talking about how well they did saying their lines and the positive feedback parents had given. I think the HT could learn a thing or two about how to talk to parents. I am not someone who moans about school and never have done until this point in fact I have always been the first to defend teachers and the HT when I have heard parents moaning about them. I felt a line had been crossed and felt the need for more explanation, I got it.
Other parents were given an apology. I don't think it would've got to this point if the HT would have listened to the concerns of the parents, shown a little more empathy for the kids she is in charge of rather than just dismiss people rather smugly and tell a few parents that their child needs to 'toughen up'.
They are very strict with behaviour at that school which is fair enough, but I think they need to remember they are not robots they are young children who weren't fighting or shouting or being 'bad' they were just enjoying themselves and some got a little carried away, as children do.

Fresta, that was my point to the teacher as well, she said that their performance wasn't as good as their during school hours one, and I said maybe due to most of them being up past their bedtimes after a long day at school may have had something to do with it and she agreed.

we presumably if a teacher has serious concerns about the parenting of a particular child, they would contact ss!

Teachers are employees and subject to certain codes of conduct - they don't have the right to speak nastily to or about the children in their care. If you, as a parent, have concerns about the way that employee is conducting themselves in their professional capacity, then of course it is right to contact their employer.

Telling parents that 5 year olds need to toughen up is an awful thing to do, as is making tired 5 year old cry because they have behaved like tired 5 year olds!

The little girl whose parents were told she needed to toughen up, is the loveliest child as are her parents, the child wouldn't say boo to a goose, she was giggling during the performancestors so that's why she was put on the 'naughty list' it's a shame really is.

There's a huge difference between practising at school and performing on stage where's there's all the excitement and nerves of your mum and dad being there.

The Head does sound a bit too strict to be honest.