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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Children told off after Nativity.

152 replies

Sweetsecret · 15/12/2015 08:14

Hi everyone,
Just need a bit of a rant etc.
Went to my dd''s year one Nativity last night.
It was fab, all the kids had a great time and the parents all enjoyed it.
Until... the kids came back out of their classroom after getting changed out of their costume with a lot of them crying and most of them looking quite deflated.
Apparently their teacher had given them a really big telling off saying their behaviour was disgusting, ' that your parents may let you behave the way you want to, but I am your teacher and I have never had a year 1 as bad as you!" She singled out a few children who were on the "good list" and the rest of the class were told that she was disgusted with them and that they are now banned from doing any Xmas activities for the rest of the week.
I sat and watched the play and the kids were amazing, they sang their songs really well and did their reading and considering 12 kids didn't actually turn up and they had to cover their lines they did amazingly well.
We didn't finish until 7pm, so after a long day at school they did brilliantly, all of them.
It has just left a really bad taste in my mouth.
My Dd (5) came home and said I wasn't good in the play tonight, miss xxxxx said so.
Is it me or is this really uncalled for?

OP posts:

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hufflebottom · 15/12/2015 17:11

What's the saying....don't work with children or animals.

Did you find out any more after school op?

TendonQueen · 15/12/2015 17:20

That does seem very harsh from your description. What a pity to spoil their night with a speech like that. Our head doesn't take crap but is lovely. I can't imagine her saying, or supporting, anything like this for a minute. I would speak to your head again and ask her to reconsider about the party. Also, I assume the 12 kids who didn't show up are losing their party too? If not that's even more unfair.

mrz · 15/12/2015 19:25

If my Y1 class behaved badly I would tell them so. Nothing to do with me being tired or a "mardy cow" everything to do with expectations of behaviour (often for the children's safety). I wouldn't stop them attending the Christmas party or enjoying any other activities.
Find out what the teacher and head know about what occurred that you don't.

Original poster

Sweetsecret · 15/12/2015 22:15

Yes had an update, I wasn't the only parent who complained today, the teacher came to speak to me after school and we had a good talk and she agreed that it wasn't good timing. The head apologised to another parent ( not me) but saying the teachers should've had a meeting and talked to the children the next morning.
Not ruined the night for everyone.
The teacher said my DD didn't do anything wrong other than she was distracted and another parent was told her child was giggling. So hardly the crime of the century.
The attitude of the head when was told by a parent her daughter went to bed crying her response was ' maybe she needs to toughen up, it's a cruel world out there' 😨
5 years old, 5! I am so glad they break up for Xmas in a few days.

OP posts:

TheOddity · 15/12/2015 22:30

Time to move schools if that was my child. Five is not the age to toughen up.

Also, now they have apologised to you, I assume they are going to about turn on the party with the children. What cretins, total lack of empathy about what it's like to be five. I'd be very unhappy over this. Totally inexcusable from professionals.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2015 22:38

theOddity do you know that "cretin" comes from the old medical word for "a person who is physically deformed and has learning difficulties because of congenital thyroid deficiency". If you like to avoid insults based around mental retardation (moron, retard, etc) that would be one to avoid using.

m0therofdragons · 15/12/2015 22:51

I'm totally missing the point here I know but my dc are in reception and are so tired they have to go to bed by 6.30pm on week nights so if school kept them up until 7pm they would be over tired and not behaving their best. Dtd1 would probably have fallen asleep on the stage and dtd2 would have been whining about everything. I don't care about this "old enough to know better" thing. 5 is very little and banning Christmas parties is far too harsh. They weren't back stage swigging white lightening!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/12/2015 22:56

What a cow that teacher is! How horrible to ruin their night. They'd all had a lovely time performing for their parents, it's the last week of term before Christmas, everyone's excited and she loses her shit at them. Poor little mites. I'd be cross at her too. I think she needs to re-evaluate her expectations of five year olds at Christmas.

And I never knew that about the word cretin. I probably use it too. I shouldn't think many people know where it comes from. I've never heard of that illness. If by some coincidence I've managed to say it in front of someone that actually has that exact illness, I would be a bit embarrassed. On the whole though I try not to use language like that in front of mentally impared people in case it could be insulting. I expect TheOddity doesn't either.

mrz · 16/12/2015 06:12

Interesting the OP said "gave them a big telling off" and now it's "shouting at" and "losing her shit at them" amazing how stories are distorted. Never let facts get in the way of a good rant 😉

Domino777 · 16/12/2015 06:28

It won't have just been the performance itself, I bet they were badly behaved during performance preparations this week and also after the performance. I bed they have been unruly in class generally due to Xmas excitement.

I think you have to trust the head/teacher on this. Hopefully the kids will behave better as a result. Being distracted and chatting during a performance is poor behaviour for a 5/6 year older who should know better.

Domino777 · 16/12/2015 06:33

I agree with the head that the teacher should have told them off the next day rather then that night. I would t give the teacher a hard time about it though because she gave up her own time to attend the performance and she must be dealing with irritating low key disruption constantly.

IguanaTail · 16/12/2015 06:38

And another "livid" ranty thread about school, where the teachers are "cruel" and parents want to micromanage every conversation their child listens to.

How wonderful that you enjoyed a fantastic performance that the teacher spent weeks and weeks practising. Excellent to focus on a 30 second moment afterwards. Teachers have to have absolutely perfect timing and judgment every second of every day or MN piles on with "complain to governors!!!!" suggestions.

ShortcutButton · 16/12/2015 06:40

If my 5 year old was made to miss the school Xmas party because she was giggling/distracted during the nativity; I'd take her out of school for the afternoon and have a party of our own/do summat fun

I wouldn't support the school over this at all

IguanaTail · 16/12/2015 06:46

Why wouldn't you go batshit crazy? I think you're missing something here. Merely having an unauthorised absence isn't going to reach the levels of revenge required here!!

This requires a much heavier hand than just not supporting the school. You could make that teacher really seriously suffer here.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 16/12/2015 06:58

So the kids that didn't bother to turn up get a christmas party and those kids who came along despite tiredness, or feeling ill, and behaved like 5yr olds get yelled at and banned?!

Sorry OP but this sounds like a really horrible school. If it were me, and a valid option, I'd be looking elsewhere to send my children...

Feenie · 16/12/2015 07:12

So the kids that didn't bother to turn up get a christmas party*

At 5 and 6, they don't have a choice in whether they turn up or not, fgs - they do have choices in how to behave during a performance. If my class had behaved in the way described by the OP, I would not have been pleased, and like mrz I would have told them. Not in favour of banning anything, but I would be surprised if that actually happens. Not in favour of threats either though.

mummytime · 16/12/2015 07:13

Mrs - I know you are a teacher, but I'm also sure that you are sensible enough not to keep year 1s up to do a performance at 7 pm.
If my DC were told they were losing a treat for being "distracted", or that at 5 they need to "toughen up", especially when obviously over tired, I would've been cross too.

Op I hope the school pull themselves together and show a bit of Christmas spirit.

mrz · 16/12/2015 07:21

We don't have evening performances for young children but that also means working parents aren't always able to attend (which upsets them). Parents complain and schools try to please them.
Personally I think the needs of the children should come first but as a parent who only once got to see my children in their school nativities(and other performances) I understand parents disappointment.

If children in my class behaved badly I would tell them ... I wouldn't wait until the next day ... But I wouldn't punish by excluding from parties or other activities. Telling them how disappointed I am by their behaviour is enough IMHO.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/12/2015 07:22

one would also hope that it would be acknowledged that due to the late night many of the kids may well be a but tired and behaviour won't be at its best in the morning either.

school has to take some responsibility here. and I'm. assuming those who didn't show up did so because parebts felt they wouldn't cope with the timings and over excitement.

if performances happen after bed times then I'm. afraid that it has to he expected that some won't be there. especially when younger siblings are involved as I'm. Sure a hall full of cranky toddlers and babies would go down well

7 may not seem.that late but when yku factor in the journey home the hyped up talking after and bathing or a snack etc your talking half eight/nine which is late fir a 5 yr old

PrueDent · 16/12/2015 07:24

Wow! My y3 goes to bed before 8 most nights. At the moment, when she's run down with all the extra stuff she's doing and hyped up for Christmas she's going to bed at 7. She'd have struggled to cope with an evening performance. Never mind Y1!

I'm wondering if the teacher had had words with the children during the rehearsal. Something along the lines of Joseph was talking to the wise men when Mary was singing her solo, the stars were turning around to look at the donkey who was dancing the wrong steps, the angels were shuffling on their bench and Jennifer smith nearly fell off. Anyone talking, shuffling, proding, turning around, singing the wrong words, or failing to sing will not go to the party. Do you all understand? And then she's had to follow through.

I feel very sad for your Dd. I'm sure the teachers were aware of all their shortcomings, and are aware that they can do, and have done, better. But I don't think they've allowed for the lateness of the day, the excitement of the time of year, and the impact that a 300-deep audience can have on a child.

Ours are praised to the ceiling after their performances, even when things don't run to plan. As a result the children come home in a great mood and are eager to try for a bigger part next year. I know the teachers are busy and stressed at the moment, but taking a Christmas party away from 5&6 year olds seems very extreme and I'd have serious reservations about this school.

Feenie · 16/12/2015 07:24

It is late, I agree.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/12/2015 07:27

as far as parents complaining, well Xmas is hardly a surprise is it. not the kids or schools fault that even with several weeks notice they didn't manage to get the time off. harsh as it sounds it's their problem.

Domino777 · 16/12/2015 07:33

Also OP you weren't there! You did not witness the children being told off. It is most likely the teacher told them off in a professional manner but the kids were just teary because they lost a privilege that they were really looking forward to.

Domino777 · 16/12/2015 07:34

We have a 5.30 performance it's lasts 45 minutes.

Domino777 · 16/12/2015 07:36

But there's wine and mince pies if people want to hang about longer

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