Children told off after Nativity.

[Sweetsecret]

Hi everyone,
Just need a bit of a rant etc.
Went to my dd''s year one Nativity last night.
It was fab, all the kids had a great time and the parents all enjoyed it.
Until... the kids came back out of their classroom after getting changed out of their costume with a lot of them crying and most of them looking quite deflated.
Apparently their teacher had given them a really big telling off saying their behaviour was disgusting, ' that your parents may let you behave the way you want to, but I am your teacher and I have never had a year 1 as bad as you!" She singled out a few children who were on the "good list" and the rest of the class were told that she was disgusted with them and that they are now banned from doing any Xmas activities for the rest of the week.
I sat and watched the play and the kids were amazing, they sang their songs really well and did their reading and considering 12 kids didn't actually turn up and they had to cover their lines they did amazingly well.
We didn't finish until 7pm, so after a long day at school they did brilliantly, all of them.
It has just left a really bad taste in my mouth.
My Dd (5) came home and said I wasn't good in the play tonight, miss xxxxx said so.
Is it me or is this really uncalled for?

I agree with HP, of course children that age will be tired doing a performance at that time of night at the the end of term. That will lead to their behaviour not being perfect.

I would be furious if my child had their Christmas party cancelled for something so minor.

Yes, I agree with all above.
I said to my DD I was very proud of her and she did great which she did. She is a very shy girl so was a big deal for her to get up in front of everyone. There was about 300 parents there as they had two year groups involved.
She was quite upset this morning and asked if I was dissapointed with her, which obviously I told her how proud I was of her.
Alot of parents are really upset by it so it's not just me.
They have high expectations of the children sometimes too high I think.
Hopefully they will be allowed to join in the fun games this week as let's face it the end of the Xmas term is always the most fun.🎄🎉 well it is supposed to be.

I'd write

Dear (head and teacher)

I appreciate you have put a lot of effort into the nativity play and unfortunately, somehow, our 5 and 6 year olds who have not properly developed their understanding of the world (hence why they are still in infant school) let you down.

However, I know this was a very important time for my daughter too who also put a lot of effort into it and, as many others, was excited to do her absolute best.

I feel certain words said to the children after the performance were innapropriate. I expect teachers to set example and live by it, not to use words like 'disgusting' which have demoralised my child. Do not be surprised if you have now forever damaged her interest in cooperating in any other activity you want her to take part on.

I, as a mother, have a full right to know the exact facts that led to teachers using this words against my daughter so we can then have a proper conversation about the appropriateness of the consequences and whethet I support it at home or not.

I wouldn't normally email the school about anything, and I don't, but this was an out of hours evening performance, not everyday school activity and to bollock children who are probably past their own bedtimes and take away a Christmas party is really really off. Children shouldn't be leaving the event crying! It's that simple.

You've mentioned it to the head and been dismissed.

I'd write to Chair of the Governors, get the other upset parents' backing.

It's not on.

If you really want to follow up, I'd ask whether you can be told the nature of the offence. Was it really something visible to the audience, or something else? The 'best' stuff we ever did to teachers was all the more fun by acting as if we knew nothing about it and carrying on. Can't describe any details or I would out myself but trust me, we found things to do as five year olds.

Lots of the answers on here assume the outburst was about the behaviour which parents could see. Was something else going on?

I'm usually very much in favour of backing the school up but on this occasion I'd be furious. What on earth behaviour from a bunch of 5/6 year olds can be so bad that they have their Christmas party taken from them? You don't do things like that to small children. And especially not when they're on their own time, probably after or near to bed time.

This sounds depressingly like the first primary school my eldest went to. They were really, really high pressure - children were being castigated in the corridors when we looked round, for not trying ard enough or something - I was quite shocked to see this level of humiliation, obviously because the teachers were worried that the school wouldn't seem 'good enough' to parents.

He as there for a couple of terms and I took him out and placed him somewhere much more sympathetic, which still had excellent results but achieved them without these tactics.

I'm so glad I did, now.

Exactly hb, the parents all enjoyed it, thought it was wonderful, the kids had a great time and enjoyed every minute the only people who were unhappy were the teachers. When putting on a performance surely if the audience are raving how wonderful it was then maybe it was erm...wonderful.

Yanbu

no need for that at all. I'd expect kids to behave themselves. but a bit if general over excitement coupled with tiredness is surely to be expected.

I'd wanna see the kids enjoy themselves. I'd expect kids to fall over, cry, forget lines, wave at the parents etc.

nothing you said stands out as warranting such a harsh dressing down. they did well getting up there and performing. I certainly couldn't do it. even adults get nervous. lee Evans sweats like a pig on stage.

she sounds bloody mean.

Lecturing 5yo at 7pm at night about their behaviour so that many are reduced to tears is not on.

I second going above the head to the board of governors - perhaps with a bit more parental support or pointing out that other parents have called and said the same thing. Also, I would ask the head and the teacher to explain to you specifically what your dd did to deserve the extreme bollocking. If they can't think of what she did specifically, then she didn't do anything wrong and should not be punished. They sound like their expectations are a bit off for the age group. They would have done better telling the children who talked during performance that it was unacceptable and punish them individually rather than letting rip at the whole year.

Party cracking response. Thanks for the info and advice everyone. You know when you think you are being a bit over the top but I am quite upset by it, and normally I am in full support of the school, but seeing those kids come back to their parents so deflated and some in tears was such a sad sight.

You're not going overboard, and I speak as one who also tried to work with and support schools.

My dd had a teacher like this. She was new and deeply insecure and was so involved in getting a good mark from the head, she rode roughshod all over the 5 year olds in her care. Was absolutely scathing and never listened to them at all. All the parents hated her. And she left after two years.

She was so obnoxious and hyper about the children sitting and responding like robots whenever they were in the chapel, she put my dd off organised religion for life, so I consider it a Total Win!

Modelling so called 'Christian' behaviour whilst being an out and out bigot can only be a learning experience.

I hope you explain it to your dd that she's not 'bad', and that some teachers are right mardy cows, and that that's their problem, not her's.

Remind your dd to concentrate on learning what the teacher has to offer and to drop the feelings associated with the teacher. You're leaving her behind to suffer through another year, and another year, and another year of a 'obnoxious little tykes' after all!! Ha!
Sweet revenge, eh?

Learning to work with people who don't butter your parsnips is a fantastic lesson to learn.... Who hasn't had a colleague who gets on your tits? The work needs to be done nonetheless.

I'd get together with the other parents to lodge a complaint / request an explanation to the board if you think it's necessary..... I think the head doesn't want to lost face, so is supporting 'her' teacher, maybe in private she thinks the teacher is an arse.

They all sound like someone is breathing down their necks, insecure and stressed out. It's sounds a bit child hating and toxic.

Look for another school???

Definitely encourage other parents who feel the same as you to put something in writing too - then it gives an accurate picture of how many people were upset to head/governors, and doesn't just come from you. I think it was very harsh

Great points Venus! And that did make me laugh about the organised religion.😁 yes, will speak to the other mums and see what the main consensus is.
I have managed to not be so angry about it now. I bet my DD will never get a part in another play after this,as I stood up for the kids! Haha. Ah well she will survive. Can't wait for the holidays now.

There may be more to it than this as aren't teachers usually glad that it is over?
They usually praise the dc even though they are only little maybe not brilliant but tried their best.
If this isn't the case I'd be having strong words with the teacher and head over something like this.
You need to speak to teacher and see what was really said.

I'm sorry but those who say only human and stressed, there is no excuse to speak to children like this, whoever you are.

I think that is absolutely horrible! of course not everyone will keep their concentration when there are two years doing the play and it is a lot of sitting around waiting for others to say all their lines!

Another point is that it now creates a total confusion for their kids when their parents say how wonderful they were and how proud they are and teachers say they were disgustingly behaved!! who to believe.

Totally inappropriate response from their teacher, makes me feel really sorry for the kids tbh

I work in a school and watch the ks2 play last week - I hadn't seen any rehearsals.
I could see B hitting R, I could lip read D comments to the boy bouncing in front, I could see M pushing her way to the front instead of where she was supposed to be, upsetting A. I could see boys chatting, and one stood up waving at his parents, when he should be sat down.
I could see a few looking at the floor, not singing, and pulling faces at the ones doing solos.

These takes weeks to prepare, and they are asked over and over to sit still, learn the words, etc, and it can be frustrating.

Most of the parents aren't aware of what we are looking at, they have eyes for their own kids, and know what to expect from the behaviour,

So think its funny that Jonny is picking his nose, or Eva is nodding off.

The teachers have higher expectations and notice more details as a group.

I would expect little bit better behaviour than what you describe from KS2 children, momtothree. But op is talking about 5/6 year olds.

Last year at Christmas concert, one of the teacher seemed really snappy. I could see she was stressed. But she held it together and I respect her for it. But if she started shouting at children, I wouldn't have been happy.

Should we expect less ?

I will also say that these events can also be v stressful for some children. MY DD has lots of anxiety issues (appt this week) and actually had to come off the stage as she got upset. She really wanted to sing but just couldn't do it as too big an issue for her. She is making progress and actually sang in class before the main event. That is a first for her! She has been worrying about this at home too. Had someone spoken to her like that they would have done untold damage. I would be fuming to say the least.

I agree op this would upset me greatly I'd be tempted to say to the teacher, Yes we know you're tired/overworked etc but you work with children who are unpredictable
I'd hate to be a teacher & have much respect for those who do & genuinely like kids but I hate it when teachers say things to kids like 'you're the worst class' 'the most difficult class I've ever taught' etc it happens a lot in dc's 'outstanding' school where can they go from there?

I remember similar at the dress rehearsal of the infants' play when I was in year 1. It was performed to the other school in the village and parents with under 5s (not allowed to the evening performances).

I doubt the parents noticed anything, but as a year 1 I could see it was totally justified. Off stage and on stage. Nothing major, but a lot of low level distraction and silliness, some of which had been specifically said not to do.

The performances were much better though and we got praised to the stars for that. And I enjoyed them much more as well.