Do you tell people that your DC's attend private school?

[candleinthedarknight]

Hi,

DD, 7, will be going to an independent school which specialises in Dyslexia this coming September.

The schools fees are very expensive and I'm hoping when I go to the special needs tribunal they would fund the school as I will not be able to fund this long term.

DD's mainstream school was ok, she had a lovely teacher and a good support network, though it became obvious that they were not equipped in dealing with her severe dyslexia, to the point she refused to do any work in school and over the past recent months it was evident that the gap between her and her peers were widening.

I looked at a number of schools, but not many SEN state schools that specialise in Dyslexia around my Borough, or even out of borough.

To get to the point, DD will be going to this fantastic specialist school in September. However, when a parent from DD's mainstream school ask what school is DD attending in September and I reply to say which she will be attending XYZ, an independent specialist school. I get a few judgemental comments.

Some of the parents think I'm showing off, or they think I view myself as "almighty" because DD will be going to this school.

I was a bit upset as I didn't mean or intended to come across that way. It's just apart of my vocabulary iygwim, my initial response if someone asked what new schools he will be attending in September as I would often get a blank look when I tell them the name of DD's school.

I should of just said that DD attends a specialist school, leaving out the "independent word".

But for the parents whose kids go to private schools, specialist or not. Do you get some sort of judgemental comments from people, parents and so on that your DC's go to a private school?

I'll say it again - maybe I wasn't clear - the OP seemed to be asking why people were judging her - I was saying that they may be judging her because of the large amounts of public money involved

I don't personally think that this money shouldn't be spent on her daughter! and I have already wished her all the best of luck with her fight. I was trying to answer the question as to why some people might be a bit off with her.

RDR - shocking comment! How awful for a child to attend a mere state school! Lets hope your children don't adopt your moral values!

I have never said it's shocking a child attends a state school. I just made the point that some groups of people in the UK most of those people go to fee paying schools; other groups just about everyone they know goes to state schools and there will be some in the middle too.

As for what the state school spends its resources on it's never been easy at all. Many conflicting priorities and huge needs.

Lots of comments on here regarding private vs state, not many mentions that if you disagree with private and it was stopped LEAs would have to absorb those attending. Those of us who "opt out" of state education are taking the pressure off local state schools so I would argue that those of us who do pay fees are actually making it easier for state schools to operate. That won't be a popular comment for MN.
OP I am concerned that you are hedging your bets by sending your DD to this specialist school yet only have secured funding for one term. Several posters have mentioned this and wisely stated that the LA may take the cheaper option of providing suitable support at the local state school. What happens if they weigh up the odds and decide they aren't prepared to fork out 40k per year x 5 or 7 years? Plus fees will increase year on year. Cheaper to pay a TA with SEN training. Every child with SEN should be helped but if every one was supported by the LEA in the private sector it would be financially unfeasible.

They can't usually just rustle up local support. I suspect the OP will do what most people have to do when the LEA won't agree funding (which is usual for out of county support) - go to tribunal - she'll probably win, as by then she will have demonstrated her dd's need for the school.

This idea that spending more on one child means others lose out is bollocks. LA's end up spending more on one child when they are unable to provide support locally (usually because they don't want to spend the money). An untrained TA (ha, ha at them being trained- that rarely happens) cannot provide the same level of support as a specialist school, and so when it goes to tribunal LA's tend to lose.

The extra support put in place to allow children like my son to stay here is enormously expensive. It involved creating a whole new 24 hour year round service. It still doesn't fully replace a resi school - but for my son & us it's enough.

If the LA doesn't want to end up paying in the sorts of situations the OP describes, they need to provide the specialist schooling those school are providing - not just fund a few extra TA's.

Candle

I don't know what you are worrying about tbh, obviously apart from the funding which must worry you.
FWIW we have only experienced positive comments about dd attending her specialist music school and the fees here are about 31k per year.
There are lots of private schools that offer bursaries, different types of government schemes, and private donations/ bequests.
If the LA are willing to fund you then go ahead and don't bother what others think. If you don't take it for your child somebody else will take it.

I feel blessed in that my children mix with children from all walks of life. From those that are privately educated with wealthy backgrounds to those that have little money and have never been abroad etc.

I'm thrilled for you Red with your lovely children.

Oh wow!

I've been working non-stop so didn't have the time to check this thread. But I didn't expect to see so many replies.

It is cheaper for DD to attend a mainstream school with a TA support. But she has failed miserably and the TA wasn't specialised in Dyslexia, which meant she had no clue how to deal with DD's needs. DD's school have openly told me that they don't think they can meet her needs anymore.

Didnt Yes that's indeed true, but it all comes down the need, if there is no suitable school in the local area, the LA have no choice but to send her to the private specialised school. But I'm not holding much hope..

I live in area where most kids around here do go to state schools...but I have decided to keep DD's school placement private to myself.

Of course, if people do ask, it's a specialist school - no need to even mention that it's private.

I know of a child in our area who goes to a state school in a neighbouring LA, where their mum works because our LA won't even acknowledge Dyslexia.

The LA wouldn't be providing £40k more to send a child to a special school. The additional cost would be £40k less average cost for pupil in any state school (£9-10k?) less additional cost of support required in local state school for that child's SN (£?).

special specialist.

My DCs aren't in private school but if I had the funds I'd move them in a heartbeat.
Everything from the Racial Bullying my DD has received in an inner city state school to my DS not being helped whatsoever has put me right off the school. (SENs)

OP I agree with others. Tell them but don't hide it. We all do things that we deem necessary for OUR kids and that's perfectly okay. Like the others said just say the name and leave it there.

I think they're people off different walks of life in private school anyway. I was only talking to someone a few weeks ago (minimum wage - run of the mill chap). Who was telling me his DC is in private school and they love it.

OP learn to adopt a 'water off a ducks back' approach where other Parents collects are concerned. You're doing right by your DD and that's all that matters.

It happens all over. My DSs SENCO was most put out when I informed her we were going for a private assessment.

Good luck with everything and I hope it all goes well at the tribunal thing.

*of. Apologies. Phone has a mind of its own.

I just don't get it why it is frowned by some people on those who decide to pay for their child's education. We pay our taxes to fund state school but we choose to pay extra to send our DD to go private.

It's not only just the wealthy and privilege that can do this but like myself from a working class background, work my socks off to afford the fees each month. It's a personal choice and I have to make sacrifices elsewhere to accommodate this.

Op - are you confident you are going to get the funding?

I have determined from your op that you don't yet have a statement, or at least one with this school named. Is it going to work out?

Sunshine Red = Xenia

The special schools in my borough don't have any specialist provision for children with dyslexia. Most of the generic special schools in my borough don't work within the National curriculum level, they still work on P- levels. But DD who is bright, but has severe dyslexia as her main barrier wouldn't progress academically in a school like that. I had no choice but to look elsewhere.

It's a huge and real gap in the public provision.

I hope your gamble pays off. Good luck at tribunal.

I tell people the truth. I was state educated, and very well, and expected my kids to be the same, but my son was so let down by the state system I was given little choice. In the private sector my son's strengths were recognised and built on, and his weaknesses ID'd and supported. Neither had happened in the state sector. So (a) I have nothing to apologise for (b) and in any case I do not worry what other people think. I do worry about the fees, especially with a second child. I started her off state as well as the local school hd a new head and thought I'd give that a chance, but nothing had changed and the school, a C of E faith school, had gone all religiously weird with the kids being dragged off to church on any excuse. So we got her out as well. I'm not wealthy but have been fortunate enough to secure a job that at least for now allows me to fund it - just. Whether that will continue is anybody's guess. I am just doing what I can for as long as I can. OP - good luck with the funding, and apologise to no-one for doing the best for your kids.

It's no ones business but yours OP but as others have said do you have a back up plan if the LEA don't fund the fees?

I would just the name of the school and that it specialises in dyslexia. If tribunal etc is mentioned just say the LA don't want to fund it as it's out of borough.

That's not possible without an EHCP

Other people's opinions on private education are secondary to the key issue here, which is the huge gamble Op is taking that the local authority will pay up for the specialist independent school or that she will win at tribunal.

Blossom, paying school fees is totally out of reach for the majority, no matter how much hard work they do or "sacrifices" they make: that kind of argument just pisses people off.

When the conversation gets to "I'll tell x about it for dc"

Don't get into it. People get arsey because you elaborate- they don't like being told you can do something and they can't.

Just tell them yes, x should do her research and see if dc qualifies.

We have it the opposite way, dc is g+t and people often mention her getting a scholarship. I just agree and say I'll look into it.

Did you like my stealth brag there :)