Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Do you tell people that your DC's attend private school?

150 replies

candleinthedarknight · 23/07/2015 23:18

Hi,

DD, 7, will be going to an independent school which specialises in Dyslexia this coming September.

The schools fees are very expensive and I'm hoping when I go to the special needs tribunal they would fund the school as I will not be able to fund this long term.

DD's mainstream school was ok, she had a lovely teacher and a good support network, though it became obvious that they were not equipped in dealing with her severe dyslexia, to the point she refused to do any work in school and over the past recent months it was evident that the gap between her and her peers were widening.

I looked at a number of schools, but not many SEN state schools that specialise in Dyslexia around my Borough, or even out of borough.

To get to the point, DD will be going to this fantastic specialist school in September. However, when a parent from DD's mainstream school ask what school is DD attending in September and I reply to say which she will be attending XYZ, an independent specialist school. I get a few judgemental comments.

Some of the parents think I'm showing off, or they think I view myself as "almighty" because DD will be going to this school.

I was a bit upset as I didn't mean or intended to come across that way. It's just apart of my vocabulary iygwim, my initial response if someone asked what new schools he will be attending in September as I would often get a blank look when I tell them the name of DD's school.

I should of just said that DD attends a specialist school, leaving out the "independent word".

But for the parents whose kids go to private schools, specialist or not. Do you get some sort of judgemental comments from people, parents and so on that your DC's go to a private school?

OP posts:
CamelHump · 24/07/2015 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stealthsquiggle · 24/07/2015 14:21

Like pp, I name the school. Most people know it's independent. I can't recall anyone asking me what the fees are. If they did I would probably say something along the line of "well they vary as you go through the school, but lots"

Lurkedforever1 · 24/07/2015 14:21

Iamjeff isn't that just petty jealousy though? It sucks that some children can't have an appropriate education but wanting ops child to miss out as well to level it out not only solves nothing but is a really childish way of viewing it.
jackshit I'm not wealthy, dd got a scholarship and bursary. I realise they aren't freely handed out to all, however it goes to show wealth isn't always a prerequisite for independent. It's grossly unfair the catchment comps aren't suitable for her and I made the rational decision I wouldn't magically change it in time. But sending her to one wouldn't solve the unfairness of the education system and my childs education is not being sacrificed either to help level the advantage she now has or as a political statement on the ills of social divide. Bollocks to all that I'm doing what's best for her.

Original poster
candleinthedarknight · 24/07/2015 14:32

Jackshit the school is roughly around that price a year, but I can only afford to pay for one term, which is around £10 grand. I am a lone parent and I literally had to work my but off to save, it was horrendous. I'm going to court at the end of September, hopefully they allow the appeal. If not, I don't know what I'll do..

Iamjeff The local authority don't want to pay for an independent special school, whether it's in borough or not. I had no choice but to pick that school. Picking a special school is not as simple as picking out a mainstream school.
The special schools in my borough don't have any specialist provision for children with dyslexia. Most of the generic special schools in my borough don't work within the National curriculum level, they still work on P- levels. But DD who is bright, but has severe dyslexia as her main barrier wouldn't progress academically in a school like that. I had no choice but to look elsewhere.

Spot on swallowed.

crumpet lie about what? But yes your right, looking back now, I should of let the conversation drop. But in that scenario, most parents of children with SEN are not provided much information regarding SEN education procedures. So I thought it could help the nephews mum somehow.

OP posts:
Original poster
candleinthedarknight · 24/07/2015 14:38

Earlybrid your right, I do give out too much information to people that I know casually. It is something I need to work on! and Charleybarley Yes I do care what other people think and I absolutely hate it! It's something that I have been struggling for a while. Next time, I'll just bring the conversation to and end and just state that the school is a specialist school.

OP posts:
CruCru · 24/07/2015 15:53

My situation is different from yours, OP, but I agree, it does create an awkward moment when you even mention that you're looking at private schools as well as the state ones.

CharlesRyder · 24/07/2015 16:00

What is named on your DDs statement for September? The LA must be offering something?? Seems like a huge ask to find even a term's SEN fees yourself!

DS goes to a prep and I teach in State primary. When talking casually about DS I never volunteer which school he goes to. If people find out and directly ask why he is there I am just very matter of fact about it- I like the school and it suits him, end of.

If I was you I think I would just say 'she's going to a school for children with dyslexia' and drop it there. If they said 'oh, that might be good for my nephew' I would just say 'yes, they could look into that'.

IamJeff · 24/07/2015 17:02

Its not petty jealousy it's how the courts view it. Many many children have additional needs and are competing to get into specialist schools out of their borough. They don't see it as petty or jealous. Sadly not every child can have top specialist education unless they pay for it themselves. If you're paying for it so be it that's your choice. If a tribunal is deciding they will decide based on where you live.

IamJeff · 24/07/2015 17:04

And I'm sorry if i come across as rude but it's just from experience. I admire you for being gutsy and fighting for the very best for your child and if your child gets the place be proud!

crumpet · 24/07/2015 17:07

Hi candle, I was just responding to your mention of a white lie Smile

Millymollymama · 24/07/2015 17:44

Quite often LAs will not admit they cannot meet the child's needs in one of their Dyslexia units. It is often the parent who says the needs are not met - hence the tribunal to decide which school is to be on the starement. If they agree it must be the £40,000 a year one, the LA will have to pay. Don't hold your breath though. The OP has made the decision she thinks best but with shrinking budgets, LA's are not keen to agree to tens of children going to these expensive schools every year - as you can imagine. Many have highly resourced units within the LA precisely to avoid specialist school charges.

My DD went to an expensive boarding school from a state school. I was asked why she did not go to the local grammar school with every one else. The truth was, we wanted to get away from everyone else! However, I said her new school would meet her needs better because it had a wealth of opportunities that suited her and she wanted to make new friends who would be boarding with her. I never, ever, told them the cost. They could look it up on the school's web site if they really wanted to know! Most of the parents who enquired would have sent their children there too if they could have afforded it!

By the way, they probably won't speak to you much again becuase you will not have anything in common. No loss in my case! I did not regret my decison for a moment! The few who are true frineds will continue to be so.

blink1552 · 24/07/2015 18:19

Realistically, now that school has broken up, how many more times will this come up with his old schoolmates?

I think I'd just say it's a specialist dyslexia school. If they say they'll tell someone else who might be interested, smile and nod.

lionheart · 25/07/2015 08:32

I hope the tribunal works out well for you OP.

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself · 25/07/2015 08:42

40k is a lot for the LA to agree to, good luck.

I don't volunteer any info about my DCs , school or otherwise.

Duckdeamon · 25/07/2015 11:26

I wouldn't worry about what others think and would quickly shut down conversations along the lines you outlined. You don't have to answer Qs.

I really hope you get the result you want from the local authority, but you do need a plan B because they won't necessarily agree to pay for the school.

Pagwatch · 25/07/2015 11:32

I have had two children go to private schools and one go to a special school.

If people ask where my children go I tell them the name of the school.
If they ask me anything that requires the reply 'it's a private/independent school' or 'it's a special school for children with autism' then that it what I say.

I'm not ashamed of where they go to school. If the person asking has a problem with it they can kiss my arse.

I absolutely do not give a shit what anyone else thinks about choices I have made for my children

CharlesRyder · 25/07/2015 12:27

I agree that Plan B is really important.

RedDaisyRed · 25/07/2015 16:48

No one I know really goes to state schools so who would hide it? Also no one on the roads around me sends a child to a state school so this idea you hide it would seem a bit strange to me unless I lived on the local council estate.

Seriouslyffs · 25/07/2015 16:56

Really RDR? Hmm
I can't imagine where you live- your post reads like some bizarre stealth boast. My road is all £million plus houses and most have done a combination of state and private.

Lurkedforever1 · 25/07/2015 17:24

spot on rdr, well known fact the only people who don't go private live on council estates. You must be a bit further down the ladder than me if you have a local council estate, myself and my friends made sure to buy all the land within 50 miles of our mansions lest we be contaminated by the great unwashed.

Nolim · 25/07/2015 17:31

No one I know really goes to state schools so who would hide it?

maybe some of them do go to state school but hide it to avoid weird looks like the ones most ppl get when the say their kids go to private schools?

DowntownFunk · 25/07/2015 17:31

I just say the name of the school if asked.

Every time you tell someone your kids go there, they give you a reason why their kids are at a state school. Every. Single. Time. I don't care one way or another. Really, it is none of my business.

Iamatotalandutteridiot · 25/07/2015 17:35

Sorry, not a thing to do with anyone else.

if anyone asks questions and raises eyebrows... they are not a friend.

Horses. For courses. End of.

Pagwatch · 25/07/2015 18:14

You sound preposterous tbh Red.

Where do you live?
Where is this place with locals only attending private schools?

dgcoco5 · 25/07/2015 18:28

my dc go private primary school (well one has just finished to go to state grammar school in sept). Never had anyone question me abt fee's just why ! our local state had crap ofsted report & rather than moving to a better catchment we opted Private.. I'm not ashamed just proud to see my kids have thrived well ! It's all about the kids not social status isn't it . most of the time I just name the school and conservation usually stop the!! !