Do you tell people that your DC's attend private school?

[candleinthedarknight]

Hi,

DD, 7, will be going to an independent school which specialises in Dyslexia this coming September.

The schools fees are very expensive and I'm hoping when I go to the special needs tribunal they would fund the school as I will not be able to fund this long term.

DD's mainstream school was ok, she had a lovely teacher and a good support network, though it became obvious that they were not equipped in dealing with her severe dyslexia, to the point she refused to do any work in school and over the past recent months it was evident that the gap between her and her peers were widening.

I looked at a number of schools, but not many SEN state schools that specialise in Dyslexia around my Borough, or even out of borough.

To get to the point, DD will be going to this fantastic specialist school in September. However, when a parent from DD's mainstream school ask what school is DD attending in September and I reply to say which she will be attending XYZ, an independent specialist school. I get a few judgemental comments.

Some of the parents think I'm showing off, or they think I view myself as "almighty" because DD will be going to this school.

I was a bit upset as I didn't mean or intended to come across that way. It's just apart of my vocabulary iygwim, my initial response if someone asked what new schools he will be attending in September as I would often get a blank look when I tell them the name of DD's school.

I should of just said that DD attends a specialist school, leaving out the "independent word".

But for the parents whose kids go to private schools, specialist or not. Do you get some sort of judgemental comments from people, parents and so on that your DC's go to a private school?

Red it's not normal at all to only mix with people who are exactly like you and do exactly the same as you. It must be boring as fuck.

Bit as you're obviously a troll it doesn't madly matter what you say.

I live in a town dominated by a private school and very expensive. I know lots of people who attend state school.

It really does depend on what's right for the child and the school.

As it happens, my son will start a private SEN school, which will see me return to work to cover the (high) cost.

These are the things we do for our kids.

It is weird though red.

To say 'we primarily mix with people who send their DC to the same school as our = completely normal

To say 'no one from here sends their child anywhere else and we don't know of anyone who sends their child to a state school' suggests a really weird and restricted social situation.

I would get the hell out of anywhere like that. It's an awful, slightly cult like environment for a child to grow up in.

My DC at private school meet loads of other children from different schools at things like swimming club, other activities, relatives of friends of hers etc etc.
what you describe sounds very odd. Do your dc not go anywhere except school?

A gated estate is hardly upper class just lots of money and a very insular outlook. A bit sad just to be shut in with a bunch of people exactly the same, my idea of hell.

My children are schooled privately, I do play it down - just mention the name if pushed, everyone locally knows it's private.

That said there is a mother at our school who I would say has never knowingly mixed with anyone who sends their child to a state school. When I was talking about local 11+ results she didn't have a clue what I was talking about as clearly the state option had never crossed her mind. She is extremely snobbish and narrow-minded - not a great combination .

I know where Red lives and it's a very stunning private estate - not new money at all but there are definitely people who send their children to state school there, perhaps not the local comp but my cousins live there and their children are at a fantastic state faith school not too far away and they have other school friends on the estate too who they have a rota with so not sure that blind comment was correct.

1. its nobody's damn business how you choose to spend your money/if a family member funds schooling/you get a bursary or donation.
2. its a damn sight more 'honest' than wealthy parents paying way over the odds to buy or rent next to the 'desireable' school on the area.
3. some state schools are just not good environments - not necessarily the facilities or staff but 2 close to us are 'famous' for having kids skipping off to Syria - really, not glue sniffing or mugging kids for lunch money - running off and filmed chopping off heads. No, I don't want my kid in a school where there are actually people who think like this!

That's getting a bit close to home looking.. I genuinely know a lot of people here and have never been told anyone is at a state school. Also we have a lot of Asian families where educate is absolutely key and if there is spare money it goes into school places at private schools so that probably also has an impact in ensuring the children go to fee paying schools.

If we mean the same estate there is a lot of new money and every new money family I can think of here has children at the fee paying schools. If it's very "stunning" thanks. I like us to be a bit not too shiny/stunning and normal and open (we are not gated). We are near another estate so not sure if there is any muddling but I think it's getting a bit personal.

Red may i ask hypothecaly if one of your neighbours/aqueintances(sp?) mentions that their kids go to state school do you think they would get a negative reaction from the other parents in the community?

OP - just say she's going to a special school for dyslexia.

This thread shows many people have zero comprehension about independent special schools. Ds1 came close to needing an out of county independent special school this year - it would have cost the LA towards half a million a year (so
to prevent that need they're throwing money at him locally instead) - he'll be costing a lot more than 40K

I wouldn't get into it being independent - these schools are usually funded by the LA - just say she has to to to a special school for dyslexia to meet her needs. That should stop the envy brigade from carrying on.

And how on earth can you not come across any children in state schools? How is that possible? My children attend a mixture of state & private schools, so no chips in shoulder, but unless you live in a total bubble & never do any community based activities I don't see how it's possible. My kids act, sing, dance, swim, surf, dive, horse ride, play musical instruments, run, fence, do martial arts with kids from a mix of state and private schools (& that's just off the top of my head).

I think we are making too much a meal of it. The UK has always had some groups of people where others are similar to them - I saw it on the council estates in Newcastle near where I grew up and then amongst families like ours where children all go to private schools. It is nothing new. It is like we see in today's paper a muslim school where one of the rules is the school stops the children mixing with outside influences who are not hard line muslims in a guide for parents. I am not saying I never set eyes on someone whose children go to a state school but they are certainly not in my general circle.

Also at private schools the children do a lot of sport and music at school so less likely to do things out of school. My son for example did meet Beckham at a schools football match but that was a football tournament for children at private schools. However now people have pointed it out it is true that sometimes the private schools do play sport at state schools . Even with that though I don't go to watch matches and so don't meet the parents as it were as the children are teenagers now.

(I never said do not come across any children who to go state schools. The local comp children walk across our estate on the way to school, I see state school people all the time. )

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a stealth boast!

I agree with jimjams. Just say they will need a statement to go to a specialist school. You don't need to explain about funding.

It is likely that the parent of the friend/cousin with dyslexia is also aware of the statement situation - in the unlikely event that they aren't it won't take them long to find out.

Red
Tbh honest it was your wide eyed 'but I don't know of anyone who sends their child to state school' that started the thing off so it was only a 'meal' because you posted something boggling.

And yes, my dc so go private school so a lot of activities etc are done there but to not know a single person within ones social group that has a child at state school, or to have children who literally do not know a child who is not at private school is weird IME. It would be something I would have to chose and I would not chose that for my children.

Unless possibly you live in wayward pines

Nolim

not really . My DDs friends all competed against a Beckham recently. Ten a penny .

The Beckham kids play for local football clubs outside school so even they know children from state schools. Imagine that?

By all means debate but don't change my words. I have never said I never meet people who go to state schools. I've decorators in and they did etc etc. Anyway it's neither here nor there. Beckham was apparently lovely - he came right over to my son's team and posed for a photo with them even though he could have just had dark glasses on and not spoken to anyone. You see the British working class Beckham types can be salt of the earth and some can afford school fees.

The only point to my post was this writer of the original post was saying how could she mention to others she was doing such an unusal thing as sending a child to a fee paying school and I was saying in some groups of people in the UK you could almost have the opposite post - that the other way round just about everyone on your road, at your work, in your social group uses private schools and it would not be embarrassing or weird to admit your child goes to a private school. That was all. I certainly accept that in London only 20% of children at sixth form level go to private schools I think it is but certainly it is not that rare to be mostly amongst those who go to private schools. It depends on your life and what you do.

(After 30 years as a parent and at my age and stage there is nothing to "boast about". I am in good health and happy and have lovely children. I am not sure much else matters in life but for that).

The only point to my post was this writer of the original post was saying how could she mention to others she was doing such an unusal thing as sending a child to a fee paying school and I was saying in some groups of people in the UK you could almost have the opposite post - that the other way round just about everyone on your road, at your work, in your social group uses private schools and it would not be embarrassing or weird to admit your child goes to a private school.

The embarrasing thing would be to admit to send a child to state school, right? So i will ask once again: would you have a negative reaction if someone in your street admited to that?

The point of the thread seems to escape you (that some parents receive negative reactions for doing something unusual but that they think is the best) so probably the reverse hypothetical scenario i suggest could help you to empathize and contribute to the discussion.

Pmsl at the idea of the 'working class' Beckhams being 'the salt of the earth'.

Nah, I didn't change your words. My posts have reflected your tone which remains that you don't know people who have children at state school.

You can throw your decorator into the mix but that's not really your 'circle' is it. That's staff

Actually , thinking about it, if you are good at sport you tend to get selected for county events and those are always mixed. DD is a good swimmer and her swimming club is a mixture of kids from schools across the county.

You would have to only ever do school based activities and only be mediocre at them to live entirely in a private school bubble around here.

Red is either goading or dim or utterly bonkers.

Me too emilia

I suppose you could assume that everybody you met went to a private school, and never realise that they didn't.

God, that's not what I intended to say - mediocre is a horrible word. I'm sorry.

I mean you would have to never get involved at anything other than in a perfunctory way to never mix with other kids in that sport/activity.
As soon as you are really involved in anything at the Dcs schools there are events, tournaments , county teams etc.