Should I complain about this teacher?

[Allisgood1]

Dd is in y1. She is a early birthday (sept) so oldest in her class. She is also very very shy. It probably took a couple months for her to speak in a whisper at nursery and a month in reception.

I had parents evening the other night and DD's teacher had the following to say:

*dd is in the lowest centile in maths
*her writing and reading are in the bottom third of the class.
*she has flagged her to the SENCO because of her age and performance.
*when I mentioned she's always found numbers difficult and I've often wondered if she's dyslexic with numbers she said "it wouldn't surprise me if she is dyslexic. Does it run in your family?"
*dd does not respond to adults, ever. Not even non vocally.
*dd will be having a speaking and listening group as "she needs to learn to respond to adults"

I don't think she had one positive thing to say and I've run through the conversation over and over in my head. Prior to talking to the teacher I had a quick chat with the head who said dd was starting to respond to him, albeit very quietly, and that at an assembly she answered his question quietly in front of everyone. Quite different to "she doesn't talk to teachers, ever".

Dd has a tutor and I've asked her about her performance levels. She says dd is exactly where a child in the autumn term of y1 should be and that she doesn't understand why teacher was so negative. She said dyslexia shouldn't have been mentioned.

Do you think I should go to head teacher about this? I feel the teacher has a v negative attitude towards dd and has flagged her being shy as an issue.

Putting pressure on dd to talk isn't going to help

It actually is!
Putting a child into a position where they have to verbalise does help and especially if it is a 'new' person where a pattern of non-speaking hasn't been established.

I am completely baffled what you want to complain about? What do you imagine the purpose of parents evening is?

That's not a strategy for selective mutism I've seen advocated in a while, sickandtired. Usually recommended strategy these days is to lessen the anxiety and not to put pressure on a child because it can be counter productive and make the problem worse.

In the OP's case, the pattern of not speaking to the year 1 teacher seems to have been quite firmly established so she's probably missed the boat on that one.

It seems your dd has exactly the same issues as my dd op. It is tough. She's currently awaiting an assessment from an educational psychologist for dyslexia. Maybe the teacher didn't deliver it that well, but I think you're so lucky that she's clearly on the ball esp as your dd is only in yr1. My dd is in year 2 and its only just been flagged up as an issue.

Dancing they can't diagnose dyslexia prior to the age of 8. I know this as I've suspected dyscalculia for over a year and no one who specializes in treating it will touch dd.

I'm not going to complain. It will achieve nothing and will make interactions with the teacher awkward. I've also decided to stop obsessing about a label. The best thing is to treat dd as though she does have SM. Having specialized in this area (sen) I know the treatment for this and will focus all my energy on ensuring dd receives this treatment.

They can diagnose dyslexia prior to the age of eight

Treatment is an odd word to use when talking about SEN. How do you treat dyscalculia?

I agree it's a bitter pill to swallow, but in all honesty, if the teacher giving you the feedback has never managed to get your dd to talk to her or even respond to her in a non-verbal way, then she can't possibly say anything both honest and positive about her, except that she would love to get to know her, but hasn't yet had any success. Given her lack of success, she has taken very appropriate steps. What more could she say???

There is an underlying cause to your dd's issues and it is not this particular teacher, even if this particular teacher is not currently helping the situation - total silence and physical unresponsiveness is an extreme response to a classroom situation, not a normal reaction to the higher expectations of year 1 and a less sympathetic teacher. Given that the teacher has been unable to find anything to help your dd participate effectively in class, she has asked for help from the SENCo and organised for your dd to take part in a speaking and listening group. That seems entirely appropriate and not at all blameworthy - it is an acknowledgement from the teacher that she needs help in helping your dd and should not keep trying to handle the situation entirely by herself.

She must speak to they teacher though, albeit quietly, because she reads with her every week and recently had a certificate thing for "overcoming her fear of year 1" So a slight exaggeration I feel, she is not completely silent but that's not to say she doesn't need help. Because she definitely does.

I am waiting for the SENCO to email me. We left it at she is going to have a meeting with y1 teacher and reception teacher. She is starting 1:1 sessions with the TA this week. I'm going to give the SENCO some time, apparently she only works two days a week!

But even speaking quietly can still cause your DD problems in the future.
I had a selectively mute/whispering friend in high school she did badly in her English and French exam because she failed the speaking part of the exam.
High school may seem like a long time away but her problems started I. Primary school too.

I hope it all works out for you and your dd, Allisgood1. It is a shame your dd's teacher came across as so negative. I hope the school's interventions are useful.

Can't see what you would complain about?

Could you spend any time helping in the classroom, this would give you a better insight into your dds school day and how she is doing. Sounds like in a ten min slot the teacher had to get the key issues across and there wasn't much time for nice chit chat. You obviously know there are issues or you wouldn't have hired a tutor. Focus on your dds needs not criticising the teacher who seems to have a good understanding of your dds issues all be it there wasn't much time for praise or niceities

Ds1 was diagnosed as dyslexic at 6.

It sounds like the teacher is doing the right things for DD, referrals are what it sounds like she needs.

I recently had parents evening for my 10 year old and the deputy head (who is also the SENCO) discribed my DS as 'odd' and 'different' - she didn't mean it in a negative way though.

Maybe you ought to get an educational psychologist to assess her?

There is an elective mute girl at my dds drama club, she has made amazing progress in a couple of years from not speaking at all to having her own lines in a play.

I think the problem here is that you turned up to parents evening and were bombarded with all the teacher's concerns at once, some of which you are obviously going to be quite worried about. It must have felt like a bit of a blow.

If the teacher seems cold or dismissive, that isnt great and perhaps that can be addressed down the line. But the main issue here, despite the way it was delivered, is still that the teacher has concerns about your daughter, both academically and socially. I would focus on those concerns and the action plan for addressing them going forward, rather than logging a complaint.

My DS has Aserger's, which wasnt diagnosed until the end of reception year. It was very hard only ever having 'negative' feedback about his behaviour and ability to learn. I often felt we were under attack. But in retrospect, the teacher and TA picked up on his issues early in and the school was instrumental in getting him the diagnosis and right support going forward.

Dont take this to heart in a bad way. Be positive and proactive, find out what the school are doing to support your DD, arrange IEP/termly review meetings so you can be kept informed, and ask them how you think you can help your DD best at home.

As an aside - why does your DD have a tutor??

op I just wanted to say I feel for you.

Each teacher is going to have different personal expectations of the children as well as those of the syllabus, and personal differences and so on.
Its lucky you have experience in this area so you are more clued up than most.

Even though it wasnt delivered in the best way ( which gives clues to teacher as well!!) try and use the info in a postive way, as your dd seen through someone elses eyes, I would go to head and ask about mis matching reports from last year to this year, for all you know maybe last years teacher was totally lax?

I know what you mean about making a big deal out of her shyness, I would certainly err towards not making a big deal out it. I hope it all gets sorted out.

Would love to have an Ed psych evaluation. I unfortunately don't have £500+ laying around to spend on it. And I don't trust LEA Ed psychs. I deal with them regularly through my job and they only ever make recommendations based on budgets not need. You may think that's not true but it sadly is, I've seen it over the last 12 years with 90% of the kids I work with.

She's got a tutor because she only just grasped labeling numbers 11-20 over the summer. That's not right. I have said that since nursery and everyone told me to relax. I stopped listening finally and got her a tutor. She loves her. They play games and "work" but dd doesn't see it that way and it's helping her.

so this teacher ahs simply confirmed your fears and awakened previous insecurities . Tbh it sounds like she has done you a favour in highlighting the problem rather than telling you what you wanted to hear . I don't know how much a tutor is costing you but it might be more effectively spent if you invested the £500 in an Ed Psych now and followed their recommendations.

One step at a time.

Just to say that in my experience - not wide, but I have taught a few children with selective mutism and been the parent to one - reading aloud is, oddly, sometimes not a problem. The child may lack expression, or read in a whisper, but 'reading' doesn't always pose as many problems to these children as 'speaking their own words aloud'. Some will also speak 'ritual' words - e.g. answer 'yes' to the register - but no 'communicating' words IYSWIM

Some children with selective mutism don't read aloud either, but the fact that your DD reads (decodes) to a teacher - does she also answer questions? - doesn not automatically discount a degree of selective mutism related to speaking her own words or ideas.