Should I complain about this teacher?

[Allisgood1]

Dd is in y1. She is a early birthday (sept) so oldest in her class. She is also very very shy. It probably took a couple months for her to speak in a whisper at nursery and a month in reception.

I had parents evening the other night and DD's teacher had the following to say:

*dd is in the lowest centile in maths
*her writing and reading are in the bottom third of the class.
*she has flagged her to the SENCO because of her age and performance.
*when I mentioned she's always found numbers difficult and I've often wondered if she's dyslexic with numbers she said "it wouldn't surprise me if she is dyslexic. Does it run in your family?"
*dd does not respond to adults, ever. Not even non vocally.
*dd will be having a speaking and listening group as "she needs to learn to respond to adults"

I don't think she had one positive thing to say and I've run through the conversation over and over in my head. Prior to talking to the teacher I had a quick chat with the head who said dd was starting to respond to him, albeit very quietly, and that at an assembly she answered his question quietly in front of everyone. Quite different to "she doesn't talk to teachers, ever".

Dd has a tutor and I've asked her about her performance levels. She says dd is exactly where a child in the autumn term of y1 should be and that she doesn't understand why teacher was so negative. She said dyslexia shouldn't have been mentioned.

Do you think I should go to head teacher about this? I feel the teacher has a v negative attitude towards dd and has flagged her being shy as an issue.

I can understand that you are worried, but am not sure what you would want to complain about?
Is your DD in Y1 in primary school? What does she have a tutor for?

Sorry, I don't mean to be obtuse, but at such a young age children do develop at very different paces and the teacher may not be 'guilty' of anything worse than not being a loss to the diplomatic corps - I agree that it would have been nice to be told something nice before all the concerns are listed, but it sounds like she has put a plan in place to assess and support your DD further.

The teacher has taken positive steps to deal with your daughter's issues. You should be thanking her, rather than complaining about her.

Why does she have a tutor?

The teacher sounds practical not negative although it can feel pretty close when it's your dc being discussed. Interesting that the teacher is finding your dd much more like you find her whereas the tutor seems to be finding something very different.

Your tutor said the teacher shouldn't have mentioned dyslexia but wasn't it you who brought up dyslexia to the teacher?
You either have similar concerns about your dd if you have hired a tutor, or you already had a mistrust of the teacher for not thinking they would be providing a sufficient education.

I can't see the problem, the teacher sounds quite helpful!

Family history of dyslexia is very relevant as it often runs in families.

She is also very very shy. It probably took a couple months for her to speak in a whisper at nursery and a month in reception

Did you think that was OK? If yes, why, if not, what did you do about it?

Given that ^^ did you discuss this with DD's current teacher prior to her starting?

dd is in the lowest centile in maths where was she at the end of last year?

her writing and reading are in the bottom third of the class where was she at the end of last year?

she has flagged her to the SENCO because of her age and performance That's a GOOD thing, if she doesn't need it, no harm done. If she does then the sooner the better.

when I mentioned she's always found numbers difficult and I've often wondered if she's dyslexic with numbers she said "it wouldn't surprise me if she is dyslexic. Does it run in your family?
...and, that was a good response, what do you think she should have said?

dd does not respond to adults, ever. Not even non vocally
You know this is probably the case going by previous years...the teacher noticed, as she should.

dd will be having a speaking and listening group as "she needs to learn to respond to adults"

Are you saying she doesn't?

I don't think she had one positive thing to say and I've run through the conversation over and over in my head

She had 5, maybe 10 minutes. Platitudes are not the best way to spend that time.

Prior to talking to the teacher I had a quick chat with the head who said dd was starting to respond to him, albeit very quietly, and that at an assembly she answered his question quietly in front of everyone. Quite different to "she doesn't talk to teachers, ever"

That's great she did it, but it's really a tiny tiny part of what she needs to be doing on a daily basis.

Dd has a tutor and I've asked her about her performance levels. She says dd is exactly where a child in the autumn term of y1 should be and that she doesn't understand why teacher was so negative. She said dyslexia shouldn't have been mentioned

Your tutor is misguided. Your DD might be a set way through the C, but it means nothing if you aren't comparing it to her immediate peers. Our classes are working well ahead of the C.

Do you think I should go to head teacher about this? I feel the teacher has a v negative attitude towards dd and has flagged her being shy as an issue

Yes, you should go to the Head and thank them for being proactive with your daughters issue. Saying 'she's shy' and expecting the world to revolve around that isn't going to help her Of course her 'being shy' is an issue. Can't you see that? It's an issue in itself and it's causing her to either fall behind or not be able to display her ability.

I'm sorry you see it as negative, actually, it's not.

I'm not sure what you are complaining about either.

The teacher has lots of concerns, told you what the issues are and is trying to resolve them.

Speaking and listening group sounds great, flagging up with the SENCO and exploring the possibility of dyslexia also sounds positive.

I think it's good that the classteacher was honest with you.

I think you need to take a deep breath and take her concerns on board.

It would be helpful if you could tell us why she sees a tutor - this indicates that you have your own concerns.

Does the school know that she sees a tutor.

If she is the oldest in the class, seeing a tutor for numeracy, and still she's on the bottom centile, then I would have serious concerns. If the tutor is for reading and writing and she's in the bottom 3rd, in spite of the additional help, then I would have concerns.

I would be far more inclined to listen to the class teacher who sees your dd every day, than a tutor who sees her once a week, and is no longer a regular class teacher.

It is possible that you are angry at the teacher and want to complain about her because she flagged up concerns about your DD.

When my DS's teacher told me she thought he was autistic, I went out of the meeting thinking 'it wasn't her place to say that' and thinking of all the ways it was a bad way to tell me. But that didn't make my DS's behaviour any better or make his problems go away. Plenty of people have told me since that they can't see any problems with DS, but I know they don't see him in the same context or for as long every day as his teacher does, so I know she can see things that others don't.

Your Dd is having some problems at school. Don't focus on the teacher, focus on your dd. She needs some help. The teacher has suggested some actions moving forward, now you need to start playing your part too.

Parents Evenings are a skill in themselves for teachers and not all master it. Don't get me wrong - I believe relationships with parents are vital. But not all teachers find it natural or easy. There is so much information to get across in a short length of time, there are expectations to manage, there is timekeeping (still a challenge for me as I can talk for England). It doesn't make them bad teachers or necessarily rude.

It is the same in the playground - some teachers are great at the small talk with parents, all smiles and confident chat; others are actually naturally less sociable creatures and find that environment hard, so they come across as less open, friendly and likeable by parents. We have a couple like that in our school. They are the teachers parents hope their children don't get, when in reality they are kindest, hardest working people around; the children love them, they are outstanding in the classroom, they really go the extra mile for both children and colleagues. They just don't have the personality to be open and friendly in the playground.

I would suggest maybe the OPs teacher falls into that category. Parents evenings are far smoother for teachers when it is all good news, but passing on concerns is not easy.

This was a parents' evening? She hasn't responded to her teachers "even non-vocally" for a whole half term and this is the first time it gets mentioned to the parents?? Surely to goodness OP shouldn't be first finding out about such serious problems at a parents' evening. Is that normal practice?

For the record:

I do think it's a good thing she's been referred to the SENCO.
What I don't want is her being shy to become a huge issue that ends up making her worse. Telling her she has to respond is an example of not making it better.
It seems there was no handover between reception and y1. I asked the SENCO and she didn't seem to think there was either.
She was "at expected level" in everything at the end of last year.
I've hired a tutor recently (she's down 3 sessions) because dd was moved down a level in reading (still can't get a clear answer as to why other than "she needs to read fluently") and I have always been concerned about her and numbers (so am not surprised that she's through lowest but why was end of year report saying different?). Last year parent evenings they said she was shy and they were targeting her using "her outside voice inside". No further fuss was made and she ended up responding brilliantly to both her teachers.
A complaint wouldn't be so much regarding the content of the meeting, but rather the way in which it was delivered. Especially considering I was given no r a son prior to this to have any concerns whatsoever. If she has major issues then call a proper meeting, don't save it for a 10 minute session. I am pissed off as I don't think it was handled at all professionally.

You'd really make a complaint asked a teacher because you didn't like the way she delivered the information? Why not bring it up with the teacher herself instead?

The teacher is obviously trying to help your DD, why not work with her?

But she does have to respond to her teachers! Assuming she doesn't because she's shy is hardly addressing the problem? How would you expect school to handle this?
As to having been given no reason prior to the meeting to have any concerns whatsoever... You've hired a tutor for her; you must have had some concerns, surely?

Flogging Molly is right, you say in one breath you had no concerns prior to the meeting, yet you had alreadyl hired a tutor for her reading skills, knew of her poor numeracy and had had concerns over her responding to adults flagged up in reception
I think the teacher is behaving professionally, basically within the first half term she has flagged issues with the senco and spoken to you about that.
What did you expect her to do, tell you everything in the garden of Eden was rosy?
I would also take tutors view with a pinch of salt, not least am very about folk who will take money to tutor 5/6 yos when they are in school full time, it's not exactly like her A2 exams are next week is it. Is the tutor qualified to teach at KS1?, do they currently do so?

You aren't making sense I'm afraid. You said you have spoke to the head. And have hired a tutor. Why would you do that if you weren't already aware of problems. And why are you taking the a dressing of problems as a direct criticism of your dd.

One on One tuition is completely different to coping in a class of 30 children.

How could you not think not talking was a problem and then get defensive when it's raised. I don't get it.

And its not all one way. You are aware of the problem and it's obvious that come the following years it's going to result in her falling further and further behind. What was stopping you from requesting to speak to the teachers? You are just as responsible for the way it was delivered. As you knew there were problems

Tutor is a reception teacher in a school in the next town. She has previously taught year 1.

Putting pressure on dd to talk isn't going to help. Î also know that she responds that adults who she likes, so if she isn't responding even non verbally to the teacher then something isn't right. But that isn't part of my OP.

Have you looked into selective mutism? My son has this and often struggles to talk to adults. He's doing well now because he's had great support and treatment.

They are addressing her lack of talking with a targeted group though aren't they?

And I tried talking to teacher about my concerns with her numbers and questioning why she was re-reading books from reception but she said we could discuss at parents evening. A 10 minute time slot isn't the time to tell a parent their child is under performing.

Aplot, I suspect selective mutism and mentioned to SENCO but she looked at me like I had 3 heads. I need to look further into it and then have a meeting armed with the info.

Perhaps there wasn't much to tell before then because they were busy drawing up their plans for her.

But what the teacher said to you probably doesn't reflect how she's trying to help your dd. I bet that she is trying to draw her out of her shell in a non confrontational way but to you she needs to be clear there is a problem.

And I'm sorry but while she in all likelihood will adapt better to new environments at a faster pace, what you don't want is her to fall progressively further behind waiting for that magic moment.

Ghost, yes they are which is good. As I said, it's not the content of the meeting but the way in which it was delivered. I walked away feeling like there wasn't a positive thing this teacher had to say which is definitely not how I felt last year. And my conversation with the head was very informal as I was standing next to him and he started talking to me.