Is "bossy" appropriate for a year 2 report?

[treelily]

DD's teacher has written she is "bossy and likes her own way, but hopefully this will disappear as she matures". Is this appropriate on a report? It is intended to be read by the children as we have to return a form that we and DD write comments on.

DH says well it is true, which i know it is, but I think it could have been written in a more constructive way.

Perhaps we should lie then, rabbit stew?

Work and school aren't really the same though, primary school reports and work performance appraisals are designed for very different purposes and the behaviors of adults and six year olds are (I hope!) very different.

My ds got school reports in primary calling out behaviour that at school was just a bit concerning and to be (gently) addressed, the same behaviour as an adult at work would almost certainly got him fired. I can't imagine anyone suggesting that an adult would address difficult behaviour by 'maturing' or simply growing out of it.

Oh and ds's reports always had some really nice comments as well as the worrying ones, both of which were quite deserved.

mrz - no, not lie, just make sure to remember the good things about her, too. I'm assuming, here, that X isn't a hateful little girl who is nothing but bossy, mrz.
Or are you referring to my statement that telling the truth can be insulting? If you called someone fat and ugly, it could be both true and insulting. The same applies to calling someone bossy. I didn't say you should never be insulting, though, did I?

Well, actually, I don't think calling a child "bossy" in a report is necessarily insulting - not if it is entirely accurate and needs to be pointed out in that context, as appears to be the case, here (parents acknowledge it is true, after all). I have no problem with the word "bossy" used appropriately, on either boys, girls, men or women.

Good grief, parents are far too sensitive.

There is a fine line between bossy behaviour and bullying. it needs pointing out and it needs addressing before it becomes bullhying. Some parents laugh about bossyness, seem to think its ok as they are sure to outgrow it, I can assure you its far from funny for the victims.

I think it's a bit much to expect a small child to react in a more mature way to an insult than an adult would.

Apart from anything else I'd want to model not throwing around negative labels for their dealings with other children. If it's okay for a teacher to call me bossy, I can call my friend that. Or lazy. Or stupid. It's only telling the truth, right?

Not in any way objecting to teachers pointing out bossy behaviour and dealing with it. I just don't think antagonising the child is the best way to do that.

Which is why teachers write reports for parents to read and not for the child.

According to the original post, the child is expected to read this report mrz.

but Mrz the report in question was expressly written for the children to read and comment upon. The child also acknowledged the comment and owned it as fair (what was missing from the teacher was any kind of suggested way to work on the bossyness) - only the parent has questioned whether it is appropriate.

All this comparing primary school reports to employment appraisals is nonsense of course, as illustrated by the fact the report is not confidential between teacher, HR (school administration) and child...

FFS, teachers can't win. My DTDs are at school with a bossy child. She is not wilfull, assertive, tenacious or a natural leader, she is bossy. She dictates games in the playground, constantly tells other children what to do, insists on being in charge and tells other children who they can and can't be friends with. She is bossy, and it is very unpleasant. I don't imagine she bosses her parents and older sister around at home so I do hope that the teacher has told the child's parents about it.

Parents are far too precious. Putting everything in positive terms can be counter-productive.

yes I remembered after I hit post ... it could explain what the teacher used "bossy" not "domineering" or any of the other suggestions catkind.

I would hope the teacher has been working with the OPs child to tackle their bossiness.

Whats wrong with the word ' bossy' . ? Maybe it exactly describes her behaviour. Better than overbearing, does not listen to others etc.
And why does every comment in a report have to be positive? Its a negative comment, but behaviour that needs addressing, so quite acceptable.

Surely a school report is supposed to detail progress and highlight where a child needs help, also detail behaviour which needs improvement. we need to move away from sugar coated fluffy reports because they do not help the child and they allow behaviour to continue which affects negatively on other pupils.

I guess that when I was working in a male dominated environment (manufacturing engineering) I felt that being described as 'bossy' by one of my colleagues was simply a sexist way to put down the fact that I was as 'assertive' as the rest of them. I could not imagine a man with the same personality would be described as 'bossy.' This was on a team building 'outward bound' type weekend away, where I was the only woman among 9 men.

Since then I have understood 'bossy' to be often a sexist term and I wouldn't ever use it in a report. Even if it perfectly describes the behaviour of a primary school child.

My son's teacher (Yr 1) has put that he can be bossy in his year end report. I don't see it as sexist or insulting because he can be bossy. He has plenty of very positive statements in his report too. I think it gives balance and shows that his teacher knows him well, both his good qualities and bad ones.

I wouldn't consider "bossy" to be a synonym for "assertive"

mrz, neither would I. But assertive was how I'd have described myself. Bossy was the term my colleague used. And even if I was bossy, I don't think he'd have used that term to describe a 'bossy' male colleague.

unfortunately how we see ourselves is not always how others see us

Too true!

I would never use bossy on my reports but would try to word it differently in a more appropriate way!

despotic, overbearing, tyrannical, dictorial, oppresive Soz8?

I wouldn't be pleased if it appeared on my child's report, but it seems an appropriate and reasonable word to use.

It's better that reports reflect how the child actually is, rather than how we might wish them to be.

Bossy girls can be highly manipulative and cause other students a lot of distress. I'm glad teachers are telling it as it is.