Is "bossy" appropriate for a year 2 report?

[treelily]

DD's teacher has written she is "bossy and likes her own way, but hopefully this will disappear as she matures". Is this appropriate on a report? It is intended to be read by the children as we have to return a form that we and DD write comments on.

DH says well it is true, which i know it is, but I think it could have been written in a more constructive way.

I agree with PPs that the usage was inappropriate - it's critical of your DD as a person, rather than critical of her behaviour, and could have a negative impact on her (but I'm sure you'll steer her through that fine).

However, I also think, let her get on with it! Let her exert herself (within certain parameters of course). I teach mixed secondary school, and am increasingly disheartened by the amount of physical space, time and attention that boys demand, despite our best efforts to promote equality. "Bossy" girls are extinct by Year 9, or in a tiny minority. So let your little girl have her moment, and be her assertive little self.

Disclaimer: I know not all boys are like this, I know there is a difference between bossy and bullying, I am not suggesting the little girl shouldn't have a bit of guidance and I may be a little bit reactionary due to end of term grumps

lol @ Rabbitstew. I have 2 rather bossy boys, btw.

I think the teacher was just telling it as it is. Yes perhaps she could have dressed it up in fluffy report words but would this have the same impact. I would let it be and concentrate your energy on helping your DD.

There's a big difference between bossy and assertive though Lizzie. The problem with leaving it is that the other children will get to a point where they won't put up with it. And they aren't going to tell the child in positive terms. As Rabbitstew has pointed out, they will tell them they are bossy. Probably at around the time they try to avoid the child in question because they are totally fed up of being told what to do all the time. Being excluded by your peers is a much harsher lesson than the word bossy appearing on your report.

I disagree that "bossy" always refers to behaviour sometimes it is a character trait. I have a friend who is "bossy" and it's just who he is not necessarily how he acts.

I agree with rafa, if a child is displaying bossy behaviour it needs identifying and nipped in the bud as soon as possible. One of my children was good friends with another child untill this child took it on himself to constantly have to be in control, bossed my child around all the time, had to be first all the time otherwise he would boss my son around and often lash out. Me and my son had enough in the end of trying to include this child that i broke contact outside school and my son stays away from him inside school. if the childs parents had the bottle to admitt their childs bossy behaviour wasnt acceptable there could have been a very different outcome to this but my own childs happiness and well being is my priority not some other child exerting themselves by being bossy.

agreed - but then also my2bundles other dc need to learn to assert themselves more. Over time they hopefully meet in the middle.

It isnt sexist do people really call grown women bossy? Dd is bossy we got 'uses a style of negotiating to ensure she gets her way'

agreed - but then also my2bundles other dc need to learn to assert themselves more. Over time they hopefully meet in the middle.

It isnt sexist do people really call grown women bossy? Dd is bossy we got 'uses a style of negotiating to ensure she gets her way'

I think it is the fact the teacher said she IS bossy, it is a criticism of her personality which I think at a young age is unnecessary, she is only a child, even saying that she can be bossy at times would have been better as that is about her behaviour. DSs report said about learning the difference between being bossy and leadership so in that context it is completely different.

I agree with PPs that I wish school reports would actually be more blunt and straightforward rather than wrapping things up in cotton wool, or trying to infer something from a 'nicely worded' sentence that frankly, may completely escape the parents' comprehension!

I have teacher friends who have been told to change their reports so they are less blunt and then when discussing the issue 'raised' in the report at a parents meeting the parents have seemed surprised and shocked at the comments!! (Their school has several written reports a year)

Totally agree with you about some children needing to learn to be more assertive. That's part of the role of a teacher to work with both ends of that spectrum. But those children are less likely to rub their peers up the wrong way so much that they take the matter into their own hands.

I'm not sure I've heard bossy being used for grown women or men. Controlling, domineering, overbearing maybe, but not bossy. And the words I use to describe one of my line managers are definitely not suitable for a report.

I agree with PPs that I wish school reports would actually be more blunt and straightforward rather than wrapping things up in cotton wool, or trying to infer something from a 'nicely worded' sentence that frankly, may completely escape the parents' comprehension!

I have teacher friends who have been told to change their reports so they are less blunt and then when discussing the issue 'raised' in the report at a parents meeting the parents have seemed surprised and shocked at the comments!! (Their school has several written reports a year)

Sorry for the double post...wifi doing strange things.

'Could do better'

My Son's report describes him as dominat with his peers, is this the same as bossy? I know he is like this so it is not news to me. I think bossy can be applied equally to both sexes

I guess "X is bossy" is possibly a bit too blunt - not because of the word, which I think is a perfectly valid and non-sexist word, but because it comes across as a summing up of the whole personality. "X can be bossy," would have been kinder, as it allows for X to have other personality traits and implies that X does not spend every waking opportunity being bossy. Although I guess if she is bossy from the minute she gets into the classroom until the minute she leaves, then she is truly bossy.

she will go far in the business world

Absolutely not, in my view. Chiefly because "bossy" is only ever used for girls and women and in most contexts it's used in has a negative connotation.

"good leadership skills" and "assertive" would be much more suitable. If it's erring on the excessive side, maybe "needs to acquire negotiation skills". Not "bossy". I would be furious. I bloody hope it doesn't disappear as she matures.

Being "bossy" is not the same as having good leadership skills,it's quite the reverse.

'Likes to dictate to others and is heedless of their thoughts, opinions or feelings' -that's bossy.

It's not a terrible thing to say about a young child. They all have to learn acceptable behaviour.

I agree in general BarbarianMum we have had the issue with DS1 for much of this school year as he just wants everyone to behave and work hard whereas his teacher and I want him to lead by example rather than trying to boss the rest of the class into behaving as they should, he is getting there bless him and it is working out well now.

However, often bossy children have the potential to be good leaders but it is about learning the difference and becoming a leader rather than a dictator.

I would argue that non bossy children can also make excellent leaders with the right support and encouragement. It's not a prerequisite for leadership.

bossy would be part of the definition of bad leadership. They don't have the same meaning at all. And as mentioned by lots of posters there are plenty of boys thought of as bossy including my DS, you wouldn't attach positive qualities to this aspect of his character just because he's male (he has many positive qualities though thankfully!).

cross posted! Agree with poster who said non bossy children can develop into good leaders. I would say my non bossy DS is much more of a natural leader than my other DS. He has great skills of tactful negotiation and diplomacy. Other children look to him to sort things out. My more 'bossy' DS gets cross when people don't do as he says and can alienate other children, but he's getting much better as he gets older and I'm confident its something that can be worked on and channelled into more positive behaviour.

Barbarian yes I also agree with that, I just meant I don't think that a child who is bossy at 7 will necessarily always be that way, their 'bossiness' can be nurtured and channelled in the right way.

Oh I agree (and just as well because I was very bossy as is ds2).

Me too