Is "bossy" appropriate for a year 2 report?

[treelily]

DD's teacher has written she is "bossy and likes her own way, but hopefully this will disappear as she matures". Is this appropriate on a report? It is intended to be read by the children as we have to return a form that we and DD write comments on.

DH says well it is true, which i know it is, but I think it could have been written in a more constructive way.

In your op you say your dh says she is bossy and that you know it's true. It is a negative word but why should teachers not use negative words to describe students, being restricted to positive words only means they cant give a full picture. Would you not rather know, would you rather a lovely fluffy report where you don't find out your dd is bossy at school?

It's a negative word because it's a negative quality. Or do you only want to hear the good things?

Of course it's a negative word. Not everything can be spun positively and nor should it be. Bossy does not always equate to natural leadership qualities. Natural leaders know how to bring out the best in people. Bossy can also mean eqocentric with a lack of sensitivity and empathy. People can argue that these qualities are developed as a child matures into adulthood but they are also qualities perfectly identifiable in young children too.

Yes, I do tell my DD she is bossy, and I would have no objection to someone else saying that either. I think you are a tad oversensitive - sorry.

I would say rather than saying she is bossy the teacher should have said: "She needs to work on listening to others" or "She needs to try to understand how others feel" or "She needs to understand that he way is not always the only way".
All of these give something to work on, rather than a general criticism.

But at this stage of the school year, unless the child is having the same teacher next year, any criticism is too late.

Bossy is a deeply sexist term what's sexist about bossy? Don't you get bossy boys?

If she's bossy then it's appropriate.

mummytime the headteacher will have read the report before it went out so must agree the OP's child is bossy

I was described as 'bossy' in my y2 school report back in 1992. Its something i've never forgotten and thats probably a good thing as it made a bit more aware of myself in groups and in relationships as i've grown up.
I don't think there is anything wrong with the term. If another, more pleasant phrase had been used then maybe it wouldn't have the same impact.

'Bossy' makes me cringe - I think it's sexist, too.

But I'd set that aside and find out what the problem behaviours are. Parents are forever complaining that school reports use such dull, correct language that they never convey the issue. At least yours did. So take it on board and ask for further information.

I can't see that it is sexist but just a odd term on a formal report, my DSs report said he has now learned the difference between being bossy and being a good leader, it seems appropriate in that context as I can't see what other word would fit.

I'd say it wasn't an appropriate word to use under the circumstances. Most teachers would probably find another word which would probably mean the same but sounds more positive. Still bossy is quite a good trait to have I'd say in this world.

I had a report for my DS which was worded so wooly, I wanted to scream. I much rather hear it 'like it is' rather than words coached in PC language

Oh heaven help me. I feel sorry for teachers having to tiptoe around everyone just in case someone takes a word wrong. Not every aspect of a child is good and at least the teachers being honest - a report isn't something to be put on the wall as a glowing portrait of your child forevermore but a report on the good and bad to enable change.

Although as a child my report states that I was 'too ladylike' which made my DH roar with laughter.

DS1 was described as 'bumptious' in his R report (& he's a July birthday so was barely 5)

It was spot-on & made us laugh but was, sadly, incurable - he's 26 now & still bumptious . Hope OP has more luck with the bossiness!

Goodness me, are teachers allowed to say anything.

It might surprise some of you but we do actually form opinions of children and not all qualities of all children are positive.

When will this nonsense end and teachers are actually allowed to say what they think.

If she's bossy, she's bossy. I'm sure she has other great qualities. The words 'get over it' come to mind.

Maybe I am sensitive - I do know it is just a word I promise!

From this thread it is clear that people have different opinions about the use of the word bossy and mine is just (hopefully) different to the teacher's.

I agree with all of you who say you would rather have an honest report and that definitely was not the only negative or criticism on DDs report.

I suppose I have always viewed it as an insult rather than a criticism, but some of the opinions here have made me realise that there is no chance the teacher meant it that way.

I think the problem with "strong willwd" and "likes to take charge" etc. Etc. Is although we think everyone knows what they mean, lots and lots of people choose to read them as positive qualities when applied to their own child... Domineering or autocratic are inappropriate in a text expressly intended to be read by a 7 yo. The teacher was attempting to word the report in a way the target audience would understand - she could then have followed up with ways to work on it though, maybe some targets.

I think the "ban bossy" campaign is misguided as it tries to imply being bossy means being a natural female leader, and that for that reason bossy is sexist because it casts strong females in a negative light - but bossy people are not actually natural leaders at all; bossy people attempt to control people by shouting and dictating, without winning them over to their way of thinking, and sulk if they fail - so criticising bossyness is not quashing leadership, and suggesting female leaders lead by bossyness is

And just to reassure everyone again I was only asking - I was never planning to raise it with the school and I am aware of the problem and trying to address it with DD.

Having had DDs who have suffered under bossy children in their class, I am glad that some teachers raise it, rather than making them head girls.

The "ban bossy" campaign has been heavily criticised for misrepresenting the "facts".

I think 'bossy' is an inappropriate and pretty subjective description of behaviour tbh. I would prefer more concrete examples I think.

"X likes to tell other children (and teachers) what to do and gets most upset with them if they don't follow her orders. She often uses verbal, psychological and occasionally physical force to get her own way" ... would that be more concrete?

It's the don't label the child label the behaviour thing isn't it? You put a label ("bossy") on a child and they take it on board and act it out. What's more they haven't said what she needs to do differently (listen to her friends more for example) but that it'll change with maturity. How does that help her to improve? Basically she's being told she's not a very nice person but maybe she'll grow out of it. [hmmm]

So, the report should have said, "X's behaviour is sometimes bossy," thus not directly describing X as bossy.

I would just as happily describe a man as being bossy as a woman, if I felt a man was being bossy. Bossy to me implies someone who tries to organise everyone into doing what they want, who thinks they are always right and doesn't really want other people complicating things by giving alternative opinions, but who isn't really taken seriously. Maybe that's why some people think it's sexist and more often applied to women? But then, men more often get described as bullying, instead, which is the same thing but with the addition of intimidating people into doing as the bully wants, which is hardly an improvement in terms of description of personal characteristics! Maybe, if "bossy" is sexist against women, then "bully" is a sexist term more often applied to men???

Maybe the report should say, "X tries to organise everyone into doing what she wants, but they mostly find it really irritating and tell her she's bossy. Obviously it is her behaviour that is bossy, not X, and she is bound to grow out of this behaviour and stop irritating all her classmates. We have, of course, discussed alternative words for the other children to use to describe X's behaviour in PSHCE lessons, but they still insist she's bossy."