Reception DD got in trouble at school yesterday, need opinions on how it was handled please.

[Adikia]

DH and I disagree about whether this was too harsh (DH thinks it was, I agree with the teacher) and I would like to know what other people think.

DD and her friend (both 5) were chatting and giggling all through the teacher trying to explain what the class were meant to be doing, the teacher warned them 3 times to be quiet and they just kept chatting so the teacher sent them to sit in the quiet area outside the classroom with one of the TA's.

TA told both girls that it's very rude to talk when the teachers talking and asked them how they are going to know what they are meant to be doing if they aren't listening, she also told them that if they can't behave when they are sat together then they won't be allowed to sit together in class. DD had a bit of a stroppy tantrum and cried for a minute til she realised that doesn't work on teachers either (she cries whenever anyone tells her off, it doesn't work on me but MIL starts feeling guilty and lets her get away with murder). TA gave her a tissue and told her to sit quietly and calm down.

The teacher then came out, asked them if they'd finished being silly and explained what they were doing and the girls went back into class and got on with their work. The teacher let me know at the end of the day because DD was upset about it.

DH thinks that this is too much for a 5 year old and that the teacher is being too strict, he's also annoyed that, when DD started whinging about it at home, I told her that if she doesn't like being told off she should start behaving and explained why she got in trouble. He wants to go in and talk to the teacher after school today, I don't see any point and DD clearly understands what she did wrong as she apologised to the teacher this morning, without me even suggesting it.

So what would you do if it was your DC?

Should add DD is a chatterbox and has been told plenty of times not to talk while the teacher is talking, she just usually sits with a different friend who ignores her once they've been told to be quiet so hasn't needed to be sent out before.

I agree with you. What exactly does your DH think he is going to say to the teacher?

I think the teacher handled it perfectly.

Took the away from the situation so that the class could hear the explanation & also not think it was acceptable behaviour. Didn't give in to the tantrum but let her calm down & then have them the opportunity to rejoin the class.

Your dh has obviously never been in charge of a large group of kids.

Completely agree with you, what a good teacher

You sound a very sensible mum. It sounds like it was handled very normally at school and that it probably followed the school behaviour policy which you can ask to see. I move reception children if they are being distracted by another child, it is just normal class management at any age. How can the other 28 little ones learn anything or know what they have to do next if they can't hear what the teacher is saying?

What does your husband think should have happened instead?

Agree with you. Multiple warnings followed by a fairly mild sanction. Non issue. I can't imagine what going into the school would achieve other than demonstrating to the teacher that you are not prepared to back her up.

Well apparently she should find a way of telling DD off that doesn't make her cry and the TA should have been more sympathetic when DD was crying. The TA gave her a tissue, that's more sympathetic than I am when DD has the daft tantrums, I just tell her not to be silly then ignore her.

I agree with you too. I have a dd in reception too. It is almost like a mantra to them at this stage of the school year - you must not speak when the teacher was speaking.

I think it was handled quite well, time out to think about it and then clearly explained what was wrong. Also gave the teacher a chance to proceed with the class uninterrupted.

My dd also tends to get upset and cry when told off but I would have said the same as you did.

Teacher behaved entirely properly.

Your DH is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Another who agrees with you and the teacher. It sounds like she handled it brilliantly

Your dh is being precious and daft. He should support the teacher, she was fair and reasonable.

What other way would you husband have liked the TA to have reacted to the tears? Bearing in mind that in dealing with the girls she was not able to do her own job of working with another group and that hugs are not encouraged.

I agree with you- sounds like it was very well handled. I guess your dh is just being protective and doesn't like his little girl being in trouble and it sounds like it might be important for both of them to learn that being a bit naughty and getting in trouble for it and learning from that is actually mightily positive and very far from being the end of the world.:)

I'm certain your DD knew she shouldn't have been talking and go and sit quietly being supervised is hardly a punishment.

I remember spinning round on bottom on are very slidy reception/Y1 floor when I should have been listening. I was quite happy to stand in the corner, I knew full well I wasn't supposed to do it.

Agree with you too.
Even if they had wanted to, the TA couldn't do much more than giving her a tissue anyway (what was your DH expecting her to do?).
And I am struggling to see how taking the 2 girls out us too strict either. He does realise that your dd was probably crying because she knew she was wrong, nit because the teacher was too harsh?

teacher (and you) are both in the right.

Your dh is being precious. Tell him to post on ibu and he'll soon see just how precious he is being.

Don't let your DH make a prat of himself.

Sounds well handled to me.

think the teachers handled it well.

I agree with you. They have to learn not to talk in class when instructions are being given. My DD is a chatterbox too and she's recently been told she and her friend cannot sit together any more to a 5 year old that's heavy stuff! But I would never go against what the teacher wanted....she's right...if DD and her friend can't be quiet then they don't sit together!

Sounds totally appropriate to me.
How would your dh feel if your dd had come home and said she hadn't done her work because she didn't know what she was doing because 2 other children were talking over the teacher?

My ds has glue ear and two children talking would completely distract him and render him unable to hear.

If he has to be cross with someone then maybe his mother who is teaching her that a few tears will mean that you get your own way. Some punishments in school do seem excessive but this sounds perfectly reasonable.

Give this thread to your husband to read!

Completely agree with you that's exactly what I would expect from a teacher .

I also think it was handled well by the teacher, she warned them, she removed them so the TA could explain why they need to do as the teacher asks, then they went back to class.

How would he feel if other children were disturbing her, and she couldn't hear what the teacher said? I guess he would be the first to go and see the teacher to ask what's being done!

Thanks everyone, DH hasn't had much experience with reception age children and is being a bit pfb which is annoying me. (I'm a rainbow leader, the eldest of 8 kids and have a son in year 5 so primary school and 5 year old tantrums aren't a new thing to me.)

storynanny, DH feels she should have talked to DD and cheered her up, which wouldn't work anyway!