Reception DD got in trouble at school yesterday, need opinions on how it was handled please.

[Adikia]

DH and I disagree about whether this was too harsh (DH thinks it was, I agree with the teacher) and I would like to know what other people think.

DD and her friend (both 5) were chatting and giggling all through the teacher trying to explain what the class were meant to be doing, the teacher warned them 3 times to be quiet and they just kept chatting so the teacher sent them to sit in the quiet area outside the classroom with one of the TA's.

TA told both girls that it's very rude to talk when the teachers talking and asked them how they are going to know what they are meant to be doing if they aren't listening, she also told them that if they can't behave when they are sat together then they won't be allowed to sit together in class. DD had a bit of a stroppy tantrum and cried for a minute til she realised that doesn't work on teachers either (she cries whenever anyone tells her off, it doesn't work on me but MIL starts feeling guilty and lets her get away with murder). TA gave her a tissue and told her to sit quietly and calm down.

The teacher then came out, asked them if they'd finished being silly and explained what they were doing and the girls went back into class and got on with their work. The teacher let me know at the end of the day because DD was upset about it.

DH thinks that this is too much for a 5 year old and that the teacher is being too strict, he's also annoyed that, when DD started whinging about it at home, I told her that if she doesn't like being told off she should start behaving and explained why she got in trouble. He wants to go in and talk to the teacher after school today, I don't see any point and DD clearly understands what she did wrong as she apologised to the teacher this morning, without me even suggesting it.

So what would you do if it was your DC?

I agree with you OP. Ds is 4 and is exactly the type of discipline his Teachers would do. I also have an older DD who cries whenever someone tells her off. It works a treat when she's with her Dad! but it washes right over me.

Low level disruption is very trying, it needs to be nipped in the bud.

Baby as a Mum there is nothing more annoying to most parents than children talking over one another or adults neither. I hate it when my DCs do it and always tell them its rude. I honestly don't know how Primary Teachers manage to efficiently run a class of 30kids. I struggle with 2!! .

Perfectly handled imo, firm, fair and gentle enough for a very young child. Your DH should be thanking this teacher for setting your DD straight.

Your daughter will learn very quickly that tears do not work in school like they do with daddy/granny.

Sounds like it was handled perfectly.
Gentle enough and in a manner which didn't disrubt her or other children's learning (she was removed and talked to outside, teacher then explained task) but sufficient for the 5 year old to know they had done something wrong, why it was wrong and to feel a (mild) consequence.
Next time she chats and it warned, she will no doubt stop immediately.
Tell DH to think of the long term picture, much better she learns not to chatter now than is allowed to get away with this low level disruption which could over time hold her back once she gets on to even more formal learning.

Sounds like the teacher handled it really well.

I think your dh will make himself look foolish if he goes in to complain. What would happen if all 30 children decided to talk during carpet time and ignore the teacher asking them not to?

Sounds like a calm, factual statement of their behaviour to me - exactly what I'd hope a teacher backed up by TA to do, followed by welcoming them back to class. (my ds is in Reception and claims his teacher 'bosses me about too much' - this translates as 'tries to make him let others get a word in sometimes!)

Does your DH talk over other people and think that's OK? Why should dd be allowed to do it?

The teacher and TA handled the situation well.

My DD was told by her teacher in reception that if she continued to chat to her friends they would not be allowed to sit together on the carpet. She knew I fully supported the teacher and that there were consequences for not doing the right thing. She is now aged 14 has never being in trouble at school and still remembers that day in reception and the lesson that she learnt

I now work as a TA. In most classes there are children with hearing difficulties or special needs such as autism who could find a noisy classroom very distracting and often intolerable.

It is certainly not too young for a reception child to think about their own behaviour and how it affects others.

Parents of course have the right to complain and I have done so once or twice as a parent but your DH needs to realise that this is not such an occasion .

I think the teacher did completely the right thing.

I think your DH should be appreciative that his child has such an excellent and sensible teacher.

Quite apart from the educational importance of her listening to teachers, and in turn benefiting when other kids aren't allowed to disrupt lessons when she behaves... small kids don't like being able to manipulate adults, IMO. I think they feel a lot more secure when the authority figures in their lives set clear boundaries and stick to them, so they feel the grownups know what they're doing and are capable of keeping them safe and guiding them appropriately. Bit scary, for a little 'un who can't manage their emotions that well yet, to find their emotions aren't manageable even by the adults supposedly in charge, and can dictate events. I think, if handled as well as this, that they end up feeling a lot more settled and confident if they can trust the grownups to set limits and enforce those limits, alongside interest in them and proper stimulation etc.

I also think undermining teachers really does kids a disservice. A teacher has to really screw up, IMO, before you don't support their methods to your child. Otherwise they're constantly conflicted between two very major parts of their lives. Encouraging them to assume teachers mean them well and set rules for a purpose makes their lives one hell of a lot easier than spending 13 years feeling resentful that their special snowflake status is not properly appreciated.

Finally, a good teacher is a fabulous ally. DS started Reception this year and I'm having his first sibling. He has been tricksy, at times, as you'd expect - and his teacher has been ace at every stage. I love her - and yep, he's had the odd incident such as this, too! Her calm and authoritative management of him has meant he's settled in well and is thriving again. And in turn she's always willing to listen when I have concerns, so we co-operate. Go in and grumble over her actually exercising excellent classroom management and the relationship is going to be a problem... and how does that serve the child? It needs to be a partnership, rather like parenting does!

In other words, OP, your DH is an adorably protective and loving Dad, and that's very sweet, but he won't do DD any favours by always seeing her as his Little Princess, as you know. You're right, he's wrong. QED.

Thank you everyone, DH and I disagree a lot when it comes to education and discipline and just sometimes I need to check with other parents that I'm not being over strict, it's hard to explain here coz you don't see the everyday conversations but there are little comments that make me think I might be being unfair to DD compared to DS (not DH's). I am just as strict with DS but he listens the first time and is older so already knows basic manners.

A pity that he can't see that the reason she doesn't listen the first time is because she can twist daddy around her little finger! I bet she brings on a few tears and knows she can get her own way. A shame he doesn't realise that if you put in the work now it pays dividends later.
Thank goodness for consistent, common sense mother and school!

Sounds fine to me.

It would drive me mad if my dh was this namby pamby & soft

Does he want her to learn nothing at school ?

So glad for my hands off dh

I've had parents complain that their Y7 kid has cried at being told off. They don't get much sympathy, the focus is on the behaviour that prompted the telling off!

It's pretty embarrassing to see an 11 year old cry at being told off, the parents swooping in just explains why they do it - because it clearly works at home!

Tell your DH that your DD has learned a valuable lesson about chatting, being upset at being told off is understandable at that age, but shouldn't be pandered to. Unless he doesn't want her to grow out of it and still be trying it on at secondary school

I think the teacher handled it perfectly.

I think your husband is one of those parents. my little baby can't do any wrong or be upset in any way.

That sort of approach invariably comes to bite you in the arse in oh so many ways. not least of all the child it routinely results in in time!

The world does not think your child is pedestal worthy even if you do, mr adikia. Sorry to break it to you but it's the sun the solar system revolves around

(I daren't even DESCRIBE how precious I used to be about my kids before I got myself a great big grip! Everything up to and nearly including coshing other kids over the head and demanding they play with mine )

Buzzard

I would think this was completely reasonable and appropriate. The teacher and the TA handled it very well.

What does your DH think is an appropriate age to start teaching good manners?

3littlefrogs year 7, apparently as it's 'not a primary school issue' I actually laughed in his face for that.

I'm trying to arrange a babysitter so he can come to parents evening with me next week, usually I go on my own as no kids allowed but I really want to see DD's teacher explain all this to him, she's been a teacher a long time (30- something years) and I've seen her put precious parents in their place before, I will buy her wine and chocolates just for the pleasure of DH realising he's a tit.

Yr 7???
Good grief.

I firmly believe that good manners are probably one of the most important attributes a person can have when it comes to getting on in life. It is never too early to start!

Your year 7 has good manners and listens first time because you sound as if you are doing an excellent job at child rearing. Has he read this thread yet?

Your DH needs to adjust his attitude pronto.

Why on earth does he think that the TA has time to sit with your DD 'cheering her up' when she's been naughty?

Does he understand how much harder it is to instil good manners in a child who during their formative years has not been taught any and who has grown to believe that the word must dance to their tune?

Thank god your daughter has you pulling her back to the reality of normal life, that's all I can say

I think you are right. It sounds as if the situation was handled appropriately. One of the hardest things in reception is for a child to get used to what is expected of them. They do have to be able to sit and listen by year 1 certainly.