Reception DD got in trouble at school yesterday, need opinions on how it was handled please.

[Adikia]

DH and I disagree about whether this was too harsh (DH thinks it was, I agree with the teacher) and I would like to know what other people think.

DD and her friend (both 5) were chatting and giggling all through the teacher trying to explain what the class were meant to be doing, the teacher warned them 3 times to be quiet and they just kept chatting so the teacher sent them to sit in the quiet area outside the classroom with one of the TA's.

TA told both girls that it's very rude to talk when the teachers talking and asked them how they are going to know what they are meant to be doing if they aren't listening, she also told them that if they can't behave when they are sat together then they won't be allowed to sit together in class. DD had a bit of a stroppy tantrum and cried for a minute til she realised that doesn't work on teachers either (she cries whenever anyone tells her off, it doesn't work on me but MIL starts feeling guilty and lets her get away with murder). TA gave her a tissue and told her to sit quietly and calm down.

The teacher then came out, asked them if they'd finished being silly and explained what they were doing and the girls went back into class and got on with their work. The teacher let me know at the end of the day because DD was upset about it.

DH thinks that this is too much for a 5 year old and that the teacher is being too strict, he's also annoyed that, when DD started whinging about it at home, I told her that if she doesn't like being told off she should start behaving and explained why she got in trouble. He wants to go in and talk to the teacher after school today, I don't see any point and DD clearly understands what she did wrong as she apologised to the teacher this morning, without me even suggesting it.

So what would you do if it was your DC?

I will show him this before we pick DD up. DD's lovely godfather (who is a teacher) did try telling DH not to be such a tit last night.

Totally agree with teacher and you.

She cried because she was feeling guilty, and because she wanted someone else to make her feel better. But if she was given massive amounts of comfort and sympathy, that would turn her into the victim in this situation, which would be totally inappropriate. It is okay that she felt guilty about her behaviour, it is actually a good thing that she recognised that she was in the wrong. She is five and externalizes how she feels. Totally normal. By overly comforting her, it would make her think that she had somehow been treated harshly. That isn't the case. To have comforted her in this situation would have undermined the teachers very reasonable and fair response. That is why the TA didn't do it. Guilt is normal and adaptive and she was just expressing some. That's my view anyway :)

sounds fine to me tbh and i am usually the first one to jump out of my pram

Well handled by the teacher. Your DH is being too precious about this.

Perhaps DH would be happier if she came out of reception with no education by the end of the year because the teacher was too worried about making her cry? Tell him to have a word with himself...not too strictly obviously

Agree that the teacher was right. The school should have a written policy which sets out how bad behaviour is dealt with. Perhaps get a copy for your DH?

good for teacher and for you. Ok, she's only five but they have to learn. Sounds like she has already learned that screaming and crying gets her own way with some people, and this needs to be un-learnt.

the little princess treatment does her no favours and need to stop.

stick to your guns.

Your DH thought what happened was "too much" for a five year old?
Being told they have to pay attention in class or they won't be allowed to sit together (after been told to stop chatting three times and still not responding)??? Unbelievable...
You will have an obnoxious brat on your hands very soon if your DH has his way, I'm afraid.

I've given him a copy of the behaviour policy, all parents were given one at the start of term, DH just doesn't agree with it.

I gather his mum was never that supportive of school and it is a constant battle trying to explain to DH why we need to back the teacher up about homework and behaviour because 'mums way never did me any harm.'

Agree with you.

I think the CT handled it well.

I've heard much worse ways of handling a situation like that which have resulted in a chat with CT.

In DH's family I see a pattern; Mums have mummies boys who are protected over the slightest thing, then the mummies boys have to protect their Dd's over the slightest thing when they have Dc. I on the other hand believe the same as you.

I think the school handled it very well, all clear with the expectations, the consequences explained clearly with a warning, then followed through.

One of my daughters gets particularly upset with children who talk through things and distract others or who mean the others have to sit through the explanation 3 times because of talkers so the impact on the other children is important and if chatterboxes learn early on that it isn't how they should behave in the classroom then they will stop doing it. I remember standing outside the classroom once at that age for talking in class (I remember tracing my finger up and down the old fashioned radiator like a maze - has always stuck in my mind for some reason)

It would have been handled in a very similar way in the class I work in. Children chatting during carpet time is very disruptive and stops all the children from hearing/understanding what is being said. I think the teacher handled it well and chatting on the carpet instead of listening is unacceptable - your daughter was told this and now understands - I don't think it was harsh at all.

Sounds fine to me. I try to back teachers when it comes to these matters. It would have to be exceptional for me not to.

As a reception teacher, I think it was handled perfectly. Id like to see your DH teach a class of 30 children who all decided they werent going to listen to the teacher.....Expectations HAVE to be high or the classroom will collapse into chaos VERY quickly.....
No offence but he needs a reality check. 5 years old is old enough to respect a teacher when they are talking. 3 times are quick a few warnings too.

Teacher handled it perfectly. Have no idea what your dh is expecting you to say to teacher.

Thank goodness for the sensibleness of MN! As a teacher I have come across parents like the OP's DH, who come in guns blazing to have a real go at me. It is horrible to be on the receiving end of that and after such an ear-bashing it can be hard to remember most parents are lovely and supportive!

Pollypocket, I'd like to see him cope with even just 5 children. I did work experience in a reception class as I wanted to be a reception teacher and within a week I realised there's no way in hell I could handle it every day. I don't think DH sees the difference with coping with one 5 year old and handling a whole class.

This is exactly what happened to my DD back in September when she was 4.1. Absolutely the right thing to do, she was/is old enough to understand 'stop talking'. Only thing was that my DD seemed rather proud of being sent outside and not at all upset - though tellingly she's need only one or two warnings since. Just this evening she told me indignantly that she 'must be a good girl at school because I've only ever ever in all my school time had one time out so there'. Clearly it works. Now if only the same system worked at home!

Your husband sounds like an idiot. No wonder we have discipline problems today when parents complain to teachers for doing the right thing.

Exactly Scarlettsmummy, there is something very wrong about a world where a teacher gets criticised for telling a child off. I was talking to a teacher friend earlier and he got told off for telling a child not to be silly because apparently he shouldn't call a child silly.

They were given ample warning about their behaviour and still chose to ignore the teacher, so the punishment was correct.

As a teacher there are fewer things more irritating than
a) children talking when you are talking
b) children who have to be told something several times

I think your dd's next party needs to be held at home, with the whole class there, supervised just by your DH......

It was handled perfectly and you had the perfect response. Show DH the thread.