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Original poster

Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

295 replies

FrayedNerves · 18/06/2013 02:07

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

OP posts:
Elibean · 18/06/2013 14:49

I'm amazed at how many people think shouting in a 6 year old's face is just a 'telling off'.

The teacher was OTT, and it wasn't ok. No one who habitually disciplines in that way (intimidating) would be employed at our school, but if someone shouted in a child's face as a one-off because they'd just been pushed to the extreme (climbing a tree in playground would not qualify, unless actually dangerous) either in frustration or panic - they would be listened to, but so would the upset parent and, more importantly, the child

Anyone who has attended Safeguarding trainings should know better than to shout 2" away from a child's face like that.

Losing it is one thing, using it (as means of control) is another. At the very best it is poor behaviour management.

OP, I would definitely try and stay calm before talking to the Head or (if the Head doesn't listen) the Governors about this teacher, if there are a lot of complaints of similar nature. List your concerns, and present them calmly in the spirit of wanting to sort things out, if you can.

Most importantly, I would let my child know that, no matter how out of order he/she is, it is not ok for adults to shout in your face that way and that I feel cross with them for doing it. He made a mistake, and it was ok for the teacher to tell him off, but the shouting in his face was not ok. Adults make mistakes, and that was one.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/06/2013 14:49

Maybe FrayedNerves can report the conversation so accurately, despite being 'busy elsewhere' because the teacher was screaming so loudly, adoptmama?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/06/2013 14:51

And the 'humiliation' involved in the girls' pants incident came from a) being changed in public, and b) the fact that other children teased the OP's child for having girls' pants on - unless you are calling the OP a liar disbelieving that part of her story too, adoptmama.

Annanon · 18/06/2013 14:52

FrayedNerves - Nothing from your posts suggests you weren't doing your job as a parent. Your concerns and response seem completely appropriate to me. I cannot understand the irrational negativity towards you, from a few posters on here. Hopefully, in the next few hours, after the school day, you will get some more considered, constructive responses, from actual teachers.

Icantstopeatinglol · 18/06/2013 14:54

Omg! Well I haven't read all the posts as I'm a bit shocked at alot of people's opinions! Take away the fact that this woman is a teacher and would anyone allow another adult to shout at a 6yr old and call them an idiot!?? I certainly wouldn't! I'm not sure I'd have been able to bite my tongue!
Op I think you're well within your right to be upset and angry! I think I'd be requesting the school reassure me this will never happen again and if said teachers are so highly strung they can loose their temper at the very children they are supposed to be teaching then maybe they need to rethink their position.
Disgraceful behaviour and what does that teach the kids??

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 18/06/2013 14:55

I'm an actual teacher.

HTH.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 14:55

adoptmama - if you think that 'most of the thread rings false' then why waste your time commenting? If you don't believe an OP you report it to MNHQ.

Though I'm having trouble understanding why people don't believe the OP.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 14:57

There is a former teacher upthread who says she has seen teachers behave this way.

Sparklysilversequins · 18/06/2013 14:59

My dd's teacher is quite shouty. BUT she is a good teacher and dd loves her. However I have noticed regularly that when the parents turn up she moderates her voice accordingly. I have seen her being "firm" with dd then noticing me and softening her voice.

Fwiw I have had some awful teachers, the one that picked on me mercilessly for an entire two terms, I was 9 and she was middle aged, the one who used to only teach the boys, if she taught at all, as most of the lesson was spent giggling with them. There was also the male teacher who perceived who was weakest and disliked in his class then picked on them to gain respect amongst the stronger characters bullies he was scared of.

I must admit this "if an adult/teacher tells them off they must have deserved it or it's YOUR fault" attitude on MN really pisses me off. If I am in a good mood it makes me think that the poster saying it must have had a sheltered life never to have experienced a nasty bullying adult picking on a child, other times I wonder if the person spouting this view is actually a bit of a nasty arsehole and do similar themselves.

wickeddevil · 18/06/2013 15:00

Frayed. Really sorry you have been given a hard time. I don't believe you deserved it.
I don't believe that the Teacher's reaction to your DS' behaviour was appropriate. Nor are you a bad mother for not having eyes in the back of your head.
From your OP I would say the teacher was correct to tell DS off, but in a way that was proportionate to his behaviour and age. She lost it and it is her behaviour that needs managing.
I would revisit with the head teacher or chair of governors. What i would want in your situation would be for the school to handle the teachers behaviour, and some reassurance that there would not be a repeat without very serious consequences for the teacher. I wouldn't be too bothered about an apology tbh though, and I doubt your DS would want one.
Good Luck

whiteandyellowiris · 18/06/2013 15:01

teachers should not be screaming in childrens faces

if she doesn't apolagise up the complaint to the next relevant level

Elibean · 18/06/2013 15:04

I tend to agree with wickedevil, though.

I'm not sure an apology is all that relevent - an assurance that it won't happen again would be far more valuable, IMO.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/06/2013 15:06

Delboysfilofax - going back to what you said about being shouted at at work, and it not damaging you, and that you wouldn't be sympathetic to a colleague who was upset by similar treatment, I have to ask you this:

Do you think it is acceptable to verbally abuse a colleague or junior in the workplace? Is it a valid and efficacious form of managerial/professional communication?*

delboysfileofax · 18/06/2013 15:07

Maybe my child is an idiot, but you know what until he's 18. I am responsible for his actions. I won't be kicking off because another adult who is responsible for his care tells him off when he's mucking about

delboysfileofax · 18/06/2013 15:12

SDT. Depends really, we clearly have very different opinions on what constitutes abuse, but no I personally wouldn't verbally abuse a more junior staff member

GibberTheMonkey · 18/06/2013 15:12

There's telling off and then there is what this teacher did.

TheFallenNinja · 18/06/2013 15:21

What this teacher allegedly did. There is only half a story here.

tobiasfunke · 18/06/2013 15:23

I read the Op to my mother was was a P1 teacher for 40 years- and she was the scary one that took no nonsense. She says there is no way that a teacher should've shouted at a kid like that - unless it was dangerous and he had been told off numerous times and continued to do it. She said she shouldn't have called him an idiot or stupid and that doing it in front of the parent was unforgiveable. She would've pointed the kid swinging to the parent and asked them to stop him or just told him to get down. She said it sounded like the teacher was showing off in front of the parents.

However asking the HM to get her to apologise is not likely to get you anywhere. Instead you should ask the HM to get the teacher to explain why she thought her course of action was reasonable and whether they approved of the language she used. Being over dramatic about his confidence etc (whether is is true or not) is not going to help you here as they will label you a loon. It's like letters of complaint- the more over the top they are the more it undermines your position.

CounselorTroi · 18/06/2013 17:21

Being over dramatic about his confidence etc (whether is is true or not) is not going to help you here as they will label you a loon

this.

mrz · 18/06/2013 17:23

why on earth can't kids swing on trees now? because parents sue when they fall off and scrape their knees battlestarB

usualsuspect · 18/06/2013 17:29

I'm sure I've read this thread before.

Anyhow, teacher sounds like she lost it.

He was only swinging on a tree, no biggie. A simple 'get off that tree' would have done.

usualsuspect · 18/06/2013 17:31

Delboy is clearly one of those smug supermum types.

Floggingmolly · 18/06/2013 17:34

Op, in your post at 10.41 you say you didn't address the issue at the time because you would have undermined her authority????? Surely based on that there is no issue to address?
I'm also confused at how, if the teacher was sacked for her behaviour in nursery, she's suddenly back again?

Schools tend not to reemploy staff who've been dismissed for inappropriate behaviour.

exoticfruits · 18/06/2013 17:38

I don't think that a playground tree can withstand a potential 100+ children a day swinging on it. In my supply teaching, at many schools, the rule has always been that you don't swing on the trees- you care for the environment.

usualsuspect · 18/06/2013 17:41

Obviously you don't swing on trees, you don't rant at a 6 year old for doing it either.

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