All of this resonates for me too... DD in reception at an "outstanding" infant school, who proclaimed that they teach reading using jolly phonics & letters & sounds at the parent reading do. Failing to mention that they have relatively few phonic books or that they explicitly teach children to guess from pictures etc. I queried the head on this, including asking how they did in last years phonics test ... about 30% passed, all explained with a big smile as it was the best readers who struggled and the ones lower down the scheme who did best
.
Given that the average year 1 readers are on green - turquoise, & the best (all 2 of them this year at least) were on white a month ago it doesn't seem logical to me that these "best" readers would suddenly forget all their previous great phonics teaching. I realise last year was a different cohort but I doubt there were 20 or so free readers.
No I suspect it was the dire phonics teaching in the first place, like the other week ... here are some tricky words for you to read children ... including 'on', 'and'; and wait for it, 'went'. The teacher, I kid you not, highlighted the letter n in the word went and said here's the tricky letter
. Or the lesson focussing on words with the /or/ sound, except none of the 20 or so words on the sheet had the /or/ sound in them, for example one word was work. Many of the words were or spellings making the /er/ sound. As if that wasn't bad enough the teacher, as it dawned on her reading out the first few words said "well you might not be able to hear the /or/ sound, but it is in there". Where is the WTF icon?
In the first half term I was told DD was being overtaken by other readers due to my insistence of sticking with phonics & not teaching her to learn the tricky words / key words that were beyond the level of code taught as whole words or letting her guess. Wow, so that told me what the school thought of my crazy insistence of teaching DD to sound out new words.
So I chose to teach DD the code required to read the non phonics books & she whizzed up the bands, and up & up. Going in as a parent helper I felt like crying as other children scanned the pictures to guess words like fire engine & windscreen wipers in the pink band books. 
The other day I printed off last years phonics test put in on the table (face down to read later) & turned around to hear a minute later DD excitedly start to read out the words. I went with it, she scored 38 & the two she got wrong were not unexpected to me (gi & au, both code she is not secure with quite yet, like the soft 'c' words too, all these "get her" occasionally).
So despite my best efforts and her incredible success (she's in reception, not quite 5 & on gold band) DD, at times, uses context to guess. So when she reads frosty instead of foggy I just put my finger there or say, look at that one again. Fair enough, she's enjoying the story etc, a bit of it is fine. Sometimes she hardly does it other times more so. School do no phonic work with her over and above the equivalent of phase 3 & 4 of letters & sounds. So no split vowels, no soft c or g, no au, and so on.
So what I really need help with is this complex code. I am so tired of saying, ah, well in this word, these letters are spelling this sound. I need more help. So for example words like buried, aunt, curious, view, veil, afterwards & sew, all seem to have, well I think rare code? I'm a hopeless speller so this is not exactly my comfort zone! But hardest of all are the polysyllabic words with split vowel spellings in them, deceiving for example. Should I let her read less and do my own phonics lessons (but what format would be best) as otherwise I worry guessing, or wanting me to sound out for her, will start becoming the norm?
Anyway, as must be obvious, I've been wanting to get all this off my chest for a long time - sincere apologies for the essay, perhaps I'll win the booby prize for the longest post on MN. 