How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

I wouldn't have asked though as I can't bare the smugness you get in this scenario from parents who can't wait to tell all where their dc go to school.

Though seeker, to be fair, your assertion that no kids needs to go to independent schools extends only as far as nt kids. I would be a huge hypocrite if I suggested my children needed a private education. Nor do I believe that sensitive children would 'driwn' in state schools. However, many kids with sn, particularly asd, are hugely let down by the state system. They really cannot cope in classes of 30, even with support. They really cannot cope with all the noise and chaos found in your average school. Indeed they often wouldn't cope in many independent schools either. However, there are some independent schools around the country who cater specifically for these children. I used to live almost next door to one which specialised in severe dyslexia and high functioning asd. I knew one of the teachers who said that the vast majority had started in state, been let down and then transferred to them. Kids there thrived.
The op's child also had asd! Perhaps her reasons for choosing private education are not as black and white as many anti private posters would like.

Sorry, that should be 'drown' in state school.

Those are exactly the reasons my ds is in his school Audrey.

Lucky you can afford it Tough the rest of the world have to put up and shut up-fair isn't it!

I am not in favour of private schools either but would never share my views in the way that that woman did with you op. I guess you could have said "oh, really?" and opened your book or moved away from her. There is no requirement for you to engage with someone who has been rude.

But, you know, some people are just no good in social situations so try not to take it too personally.

You are probably never more than 20 feet away from someone who is opposed to the independent schools system [hsmile].

Prairie, if you have a look up thread, you'll see my ds has asd. Sending him to this school is to enable him to access his education. He has a great senco and other support staff and due to the small class size, the teacher is able to manage his needs. Even if he didn't, it is not ok to be rude about people's choice to go private.

Fwiw, I hate it when people ask me where he goes to school. Because of people who don't like private schools, I find it embarrassing to admit where he's at school. It is the last thing I would boast about/be smug about.

If your comments are directed at me personally, you have it very, very wrong.

Prarie, yes, I'm sure the op is lucky to afford it. It is an utter disgrace that children with sn are being failed by the state system. But if you closed down those schools, who would that help? Would it make it better because a few more sn kids were also being failed?
My children do not, as far as I'm aware, have any additional needs. However, if they did and were being failed by their state school I'd be a fool to keep them in state on principle. Children with asd need a very specific way of being taught as they do not learn in the way nt children do. The vast majority of state schools and their staff don't know where to start.

Prarieflower, no need to " put up and shut up", you can change school, or write to the school, or stand for governor.

How does anyone sending their kds private aversely affect you? Either you think State is just as good, in which case it should not concern you. Or you think private may be better, and it isn' t fair if there are people who can have something you cannot have. That is envy, and the only way to ake sure nobody has anything you cannot have is some grim kind of communism, getting everything down to the lowest common denominator..

In your shoes, I would argue for state schools to improve so they can compete with private schools(well, that is what I want anyway) rather than getting rid of the private option.

Prairie would you really have been rude to the parent of a child your own child wants to be friends with?

Why on earth would you do that?

Well, this works both ways doesn't it. My state-educated dc have sports coaching at a club where, judging by the uniforms, the norm is to attend private school.

These are some of the comments I've had during social chat:

' Oh there's a terrible drugs problem there (dc's school) I'm so glad we can pay to avoid that!'

'Oh my dd was doing that when she was 5' (in relation to what my ds was doing in French in Y7)

'I feel so sorry for you having such a short time to go on holiday' (in relation to only having 2 weeks off at Easter off instead of 3)

'I couldn't bear dd to mix with that sort of children'.

I am not exaggerating, and neither I am excusing what happened to the OP, but these are examples of why people develop anti-private school views.

Chandon,your first paragraph is a little naive. Not everyone can stand for Governor by a long way,they may well not have the capabilities. And even if they did, they may not have time.Also,they may not be able to necessarily change what they want to.They may also have other commitments on their time.
Write to the school,yes.
Change schools,may be possble. Again,you do not know all of what goes on in a posters life.
Chandon,she could argue all she wants,but that is not in reality going to necessarily make much difference is it.

Agree that Prarie shouldnt go round being rude to others though.

I certainly wouldn't have been rude.Saying I don't agree with private education is the same as saying you don't agree with anything so don't actually think the op has a lot to get her knickers in a twist about.

And what amillion said-writing does diddly squat,can't move and getting on the govs is highly unlikely.

It's a bit much to put "private school hatred" in the title when the women just said "I don't agree with private school"

A bit much to think that is hatred.

But Prairie it would have been completely rude and inapporpriate to get into any of the whys and wherefors of private school with someone you have never met before, whose circumstances you know nothiong about...at a swimming pool.

I don't think it would change the substance of my op if I had written "private school dislike or disapproval".

Mrsshortfuse what those people have said to you is rude in the extreme and they sound quite awful people.

But I don't think anyone with a modicum of intelligence can start to judge an entire sector of education based on what a handful randomers say pool side.

Mrsshortfus
Yes it works both ways in that you will encounter rude people regardless of where they send their child to school.

But of course one group of people being crass and mouthy does not excuse people with the opposite point of view being crass and mouthy.

We elected to send our DS to an independent school once he finished state primary. We had similar comments too. My response is usually to point out nicely that it is such a personal choice where to send your child that really other people's opinions are irrelevant. Read Katherine Birbalsingh's book, "To miss with love" - esp. when you are making decisions about secondary schools !!!.

What about the 'breastapo' - those people (particularly at baby groups) who look at you like dirt if you dare to feed your dc from a bottle.

I was once asked nosily 'didn't you try breast feeding?'. My answer of 'yes, but my daughter has a serious heart problem which makes her breathless and I'm lucky she's not tube fed' soon shut them up......

Seriously though, you should hear some of the comments about the fact that I teach in a faith school. I've stopped being bothered by it. Particularly the one woman (also at a swimming lesson) who said 'I thought about going to church to get DS into the school but then couldn't bring myself to do it'. But she did think about it......