How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

My favourites are those who are vocally anti private school and send their DC to the local comp - in areas where the average house price is £450k+ . Because that's not selective.

The fact she disagreed with you doesn't mean she shows hatred though.

The truth of the matter is that when you make a choice that is not what the majority chooses, you will always find someone who is having a bad day and wants to let you know of their disapproval. I am sure people who homeschool would have had similar - even us with our 4 children have attracted negative feelings. Generally you will find that these people have a bit of an issue for whatever personal reason and venting it makes them feel better. Let them and move on - I understand how annoying it is though.

Lol at the thought of me uttering some of these responses. They are very good & funny. I am usually a peacekeeper, perhaps I should change this!

"You didn't answer my question? If you are so anti GS why go through the 11+, why didn't you send your ds straight to the other school?" my point qbotu "outing" was made because I could not think of any reason why you would ask me question to which you aready know the answer. However, as you appear to suffering memory loss.......

Because both of my children are of the sort of academic ability which would put them in the top set of a comprehensive. In our area the top 23% academically are creamed off to the grammar school, which means that the top set in the high school does not have many children who are level 5 and 6 in year 6, and the school is, quite rightly, geared up to deal with low and middle achievers, rather than high achievers.

I am opposed to selective education generally. This means that I am opposed to high schools as well as grammar schools!

That is a good point narked.
Though you can start off in 1 sort of area,and your area can go up or down wealth wise. But that also assumes the type of children change,if that is the right word.

Soemone mind telling me what a high school is please,and whether it is selective in any way?

In out area a high school is what used to be called a secondary modern. Where the 77ish% who don't pass the 11+ go.

So it is selective in that you are selected out to go to it!

I have more respect for people who do the best for their DC regardless of their principles than those who put them above their DC's education and welfare. If Seeker sent her DC 30 miles away to a comp on principle that would be shit for them.

Agreed that terrible for a child to have to go to a school 30 miles away

seeker,if a comp opened up locally,would you happily send your children there?

Taking the top 23% is . I never realised there were still areas that took so many.

I would not care too much if someone said that to me.

I have had a few jokes and digs about sending my children private ( only moved them last year). We may well go back to state for secondary.

Tbh, if anyone has a problem with my choice, well, it really does not upset me. I can see both sides of the argument.

To me going private is about trying to get all the help I can for SEN DS 1, it is not about snobbism or privilege or connections. It is not even about sport. It is not about status. It IS all about getting him the extra help and one on one where needed.

Everyone has their own reasons, live and let live I say.

Amillionyears- yes, in a heartbeat.

Everlong- we have done this before. I am not going to do it again. Anyone who thinks for a few minutes can see that the two situations are completely different. Feel free to think you have won.

I know, marked. It's completely outrageous. But nothing will ever be done about it because the movers and shakers always take it for granted that their child will be in the 23%. Which, given that the 23 % usually include the better off and/or middle class, is probably true.

I know people who object to private education and I respect that opinion.

To ask someone about where they send their child and then comment negatively is a bit crass.

I would just be a bit [meh] and make a mental note to wait and see if she was just being honest in a 'cards on the table' way or a sanctemonious cow who will inevitably want to hector about everything she can think of because she Is burdened With The Gift Of Being Relentlessly Right. Was she wearing any badges?

I think it's really rude to criticise other people's choices. I have had similar, when people with DC at private school have criticised me for sending my DC to a different private school. My choice of school has never been criticised by anyone (IRL) who sends their DC to a state school, though.

It's different if you are having a conversation about private schools vs state schools in general, but that was not the case.

I must say, however, I think it's unfair to berate seeker for wanting to send her DC to a grammar. In Kent, there is often only a choice between a grammar and a "secondary modern" (unless you live close enough to another borough or county to use their comprehensives). I'm sure there are people whose belief in the state system is so strong that they trust the local authority to provide a school, without putting preferences on the CAF, but I have never met any or heard of any. Seeker was just saying she preferred the grammar for her DC, in the way that people in a non-selective area might prefer one comprehensive over another.

I apologise, everlong- I though I recognised your name from previous discussions.

To answer your point. Yes, I do want the best school for my children. Which would be a comprehensive. I can't have that. So I want a school that can cater for my child. Which would be the grammar school, because that is where most of the other level 5s and 6s from primary schools are. There are not, as far as I know, a group of children who need a particular type of education because their parents have the ability to pay.

There isn't any correct response to rudeness. A witty quip would probably just create bad feeling for later. I'd mark down as someone to avoid getting to know better.

It's not prejudice(pmsl) as the privilege your child is receiving the majority can't have, buys a leg up and crushes social mobility and fairness.I'd have said the same-and more.