How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

Goodness! That must have been awkward for you. I'd have been taken aback at such blunt-talking from someone I'd only just met too.
But many people share her opinion.
They think it gives some children an unfair advantage over other children, as it's open only to those children whose parents can afford it.

Just tell yourself she was jealous. Lots of people don't believe in them until the point at which they find they can afford them... and then, hey presto, they're great.

I will get flamed now won't I?

I 'don't believe in them' btw. Because the local state school is fab. If it was sh*t I might well do. Hypocritical much.

Well, she was more direct than I would have been, but she's allowed not to approve of private schools. I imagine neither of you will have much to say to one another in future, so all's good!

I dont get people like this! I have opinions on lots of things but I generally dont air them unless specifically asked.

Whatever the subject matter - she was just plain rude and maybe trying to get a little jibe in.

Sadly you will get alot of this. When my DD moved to private school lots of people at what was my local primary seemed to take personal offence at our choice and became very outspoken - even those that I had never had a conversation with in my life. I had only told the school and 2 mums who had actually asked WHERE DD was going but the whole school knew within 48hours.

It became even worse when they found out she would be boarding there a term later! That was a green light for strangers to spew all kinds of abuse at us. Always, to this day I am shocked at the amount of energy and venom other people who dont even know us can put into telling us their thoughts on our lifestlye. I rarely even bother to respond these days and its water off a ducks back.

Dont worry about it - you know why you made your choices and as long as you are happy with them, DC are happy and you are confident in your choices then just smile and say "really" and move on.

It is meant, usualsuspect as a tongue-in-cheek dig at the linguistic choice made. Saying 'I don't agree with x' is surely more semantically clear than 'I don't believe in x'? (though still rude ime)

Does sound rude, but she might have just been babbling as she doesn't know you. She could easily be cringing at having said it right now. If she's still friendly next week, just forget it.

Thing is, by choosing to educate your child privately, you've dismissed state education (for whatever reason and no matter how valid) as not good enough for your child. The implicit implication is that state's inferior, which understandably gets a lot of people's backs up as it reflects on their own choice. That's before you even get onto the wider social implications of how divisive private education is. Not so surprising people comment on it then. I still think she was rude though!

My MIL doesn't believe in antibac wipes despite me showing her evidence that they exist.

Well, her opinion simply does not matter. Not a bit.
Why on earth would you care what a random woman thinks of private education, or anything, really?!
You see, there are quite a lot of things I don't agree with yet it's only my own business, no?
For example, I don't agree with 30 pupils in a class, the mixed years teaching and lack of team sports in state schools, just to name a few.
In essence I don't agree with state schools, however, I won't go around declaring it to random strangers. It would be terribly bad form.

She's allowed to not approve, she's allowed to believe in UFOs or that Mitt Romney is a credible presidential candidate if the mood takes her and it's not prejudice.

Why she chose to blurt it out is another matter but hey some people have trouble filtering.

OP, IMO Smee's post is very wise.
That's exactly how many people think about fee-paying schools and a fair guess at why your DC's friend's mum appeared to be rude.
It's not quite the same as saying "I don't believe in state schools" as most people have no choice but to send their children to state schools. Compare with, "I don't believe in the NHS - the quality of healthcare isn't very good" or somesuch.

She was rude and I'm not surprised you felt offended.

Honestly, some people have such poor social skills. I mean where is the conversation going to go from there?

Make sure you sit beside someone else next week.

My dc have been to all sorts of extracurricular lessons and I have noticed that the swimming parents come out with the most ridiculous comments. This is totally unscientific of course but for some reason swimming lessons seem to bring out the worst in parents!

What smee said

Dysfunctionalme - Maybe it's the heat - maybe it affect's people ability to keep their opinions to themselves unless asked for!

yy to the swimming lesson parent thing!

Gosh, how rude of her!
The old standby of
"Did you mean to be so rude?" Would work well here I think!
Btw my dc go to a state school but I would never criticise another parent for their choice, whether that be private, state or home ed...

Not sure I think it's as rude as all that - it's inappropriate, yes, but not much more. I agree that it's like people commenting on whether you might want to have a girl next, or asking how long it took you to get pregnant. The answer is 'none of your fecking business'. I'm not sure what I would have said, I would have been a bit stymied but would probably have come out with "good for you!".

Btw, saying you don't agree with state schools is nothing like saying you don't agree with private schools. How on earth can you not agree with state schools?

And you might get asked once or twice by relative strangers how you can afford it. Would you ever dream of asking someone else how they afford their (more expensive than yours by 30K) car? Or their (more expensive than yours by 150K) house? Odd.

She was rude.

"Don't you? What are you doing for Christmas- are you going away?"

Well a woman said to me in the changing rooms of my local public pool, of the local private vs local state, 'oh well at least it doesn't have children from council estates).
So it cuts both ways.
It is rude but I'm with Smee in that she was making an explicit judgment in response to what she might feel is an implicit judgment from you. My neighbour said to me there was no point looking round (my kids') primary because 'it was an inner city state school'. I said I'd looked round the private her kids were going to and didn't like it. She got in a huff with me (cue much embarrassment on street) and said I had no right to criticise the school she had chosen (god it was horrible though, no outside space, really gloomy) while I felt that she had been dismissive of my kids' school in a way suggested that anyone who went there couldn't go there as a positive choice.
Anyway, it's all too emotive so I now avoid the subject.

Another one who agrees with what Smee said. I was discussing schools with a very good friend, and I was asking her why she had chosen the private prep school for her DS. She replied because the alternatives were too horrible to even consider. One of the alternatives being my DDs lovely state school where she is excelling herself so far. So it works both ways.
Ha ha - do not agree with state schools. What a priveleged world some people live in. Those awful big classes never did me much harm! Rollmops I think you have just declared that to a whole load of strangers. Just saying!

And yes to Lady Muckbeth - if you don't 'agree with' state schools you'd be calling for a repeal of the universal education act of 19th C. Mind you, sometimes I think that there are those in the government who wouldn't be averse.

Well smee makes a lot of sense BUT, its easy for many to assume that 'what you've turned your nose up at' is the same thing as 'what they've accepted or are happy with for their child'. The problem is that this simply isn't true. State schools are not like for like around the country. You may live in an area with good schools and therefore it's far easier to stick by the view that state is best. However, the person choosing private may live in an area where the only school offered was very poor in terms of value added or warm atmosphere. Or, the only school offered was a faith school which they fundamentally disagree with. It could be that their child has a very specific need such as AS which is catered for better in that particular independent school.
Many people say they don't agree with private schools when in fact what they mean is that they're offended that you don't think what they've chosen for their child is good enough for yours. In reality, the reasons behind people's choices aren't quite as simple as that.
And yes, she was being rude. You cannot excuse her rudeness even if you agree with her views.