How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

Going to work is not the same as buying privilege for your children.

Yeah, I've noticed that there are a lot of threads about private school too. Only, what, 6% of kids go to them or something? Bizarre.

At the end of the day, everyone has opinions, everyone disagrees with something, everyone has bad days, is rude, is thoughtless, doesn't care about you, your feelings, your dilemmas. That's life, I am afraid you have to grow a thicker skin and learn to laugh it off. It's just a slightly thoughtless mum sitting at swimming not really thinking about what she is saying. I am aware this opinion slightly negates the entire raison d'etre of Mumsnet by the way.

Well it can be if you go back to work just to pay for nice expensive holidays as I did. I know lots of women who have returned to work so they can live in the 600k house rather than the 400k house or do they can pay for skiing or lots of expensive out of school activities. Lots of woman live in good areas and use state education but buy 'extras' for their children outside of school. Those holidays, trips, enormous gardens etc all give their children an advantage. So whilst I am well aware than many woman have little choice but to return to work, it is a very comparable comment for many.

People that disapprove of private school, probably disapprove of grammar school as well. Some parents think anything that gives other children an advantage will mean disadvantage for their children. Even if there wasn't any private or grammar school, some would still say the education system is unfair and blame it on everything except themselves, it's easier to blame the system than to admit their children are failing at school because of them.

It's not prejudice, she's just stating her opinion.

I keep hearing this 'prejudice' thing coming up in the context of private education and it's ridiculous. Your child is privileged not disadvantaged because you choose to pay for his education.

I think it is interesting as to whether people who use private schools would prefer instead for ALL children (if there was a way) to have EQUAL chance in education/life-if they ALL could have great quality education OR if they wouldn't like that idea at all as then their child wouldn't have an advantage?

I think often that state can give its own advantages. Not just because universities are now discriminating against having too many private applicants but because state pupils have an education in mixing with all types of people; much more diversity. This isn't always bad. Some of my DC best friends are from very poor backgrounds. I wouldn't like it if they only mixed with the well off.

No because those on mn with bright, articulate children who can't afford to pay and complain about private education would often jump at the chance of a grammar school education. Thus, it would seem that advantage is not acceptable if you're paying for it but perfectly fine if it comes about because your child is clever. What about the kids whose parents can't afford to pay and they're not very academic? Oh well!

jellybeans, I don't really care about advantage. Paying is not about that for me unless you mean the advantage of the amazing facilities. I pay for those. I would be happy for all kids to get those but the state could never afford them and I can so I pay. Happy for my fees to help others to access the same stuff.

Grammar schools don't give children advantage- they disadvantage all the children in the area who don't get into them.

Here we go again!!

Yes, seeker that was my point. Though I think it's disingenuous to suggest that the small group of children not disadvantaged are not, therefore, advantaged in some way. Though I accept that there are many advantages gained by attending an independent school. However, I see those as experience based rather than any social advantages.

All this aside, pool woman was still rude and socially inept.

Some parents think anything that gives other children an advantage will mean disadvantage for their children.

Well it does, doesn't it? Isn't that what having an advantage means?

However, I see those as experience based rather than any social advantages.

Tell that to the City law firms that only accept people who have been to a particular Oxbridge college, when those particular Oxbridge colleges overwhelmingly accept children who have been to private school.

In fact, tell it to the entire Cabinet.

Bit Straw Man that, Audrey. An awful lot of people disagree with both.

Wallison, you are now talking about schools like Etonian, rugby or harrow. The vast majority of independent schools across the country are vastly removed from those. Most children at independent school do not board nor do they consider themselves as a cut above the other kids on the bus going to the local comp.

At a time when the welfare state and NHS are being dismantled by a bunch of privately-educated wankers who have never done an honest day's work in their lives and who are only able to do what they do because they had a private education, I think it actually somewhat distasteful for people who buy an education for their little darlings who couldn't possibly cope with being educated alongside the vast vast majority of the country (94%) to be all "Ooh, some prole was rude to me; doesn't she understand that I am to be venerated". Suck it up, deal with it and move on.

"I think it is interesting as to whether people who use private schools would prefer instead for ALL children (if there was a way) to have EQUAL chance in education/life-if they ALL could have great quality education OR if they wouldn't like that idea at all as then their child wouldn't have an advantage? "

Can't speak for anyone else, but my kids are at private school and I would love all kids to have a great quality education. We are not using private school in order to get an advantage over others, but to give them the education I think everyone should have - with good facilities, motivated students and a range of educational options. (If you got all this in our local state school, we wouldn't dream of paying so much to go private.)

I agree that a lot of people disagree with both but a great many people who bemoan the existence of private schools would jump at the chance to send their child to a grammar school. I've read it in black and white on many a mn thread. I'm not suggesting private doesn't offer something more, just saying its wrong to say grammar schools don't.

so everyone should be able to go to school only with 'motivated' students - ie., ones whose parents are motivated to pay.... I spot a flaw.

I don't think I have ever met anyone who was opposed to private schools, but in favour of grammar schools.

There will always be privilege.
I accept that.
All my children went to Comprehensive School.
I did choose one comp school over another.
There will always be people who pay for education,health etc [shrugs]
There is a phrase isnt there,dont know it exactly
Give me the wisdom to change the things I can change
accept the things I cant
and the wisdom to know the difference,or something like that