How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

People comment on all sorts, it doesn't stop it being rude, the number of slim people I know who have had so many comments on their size or those frequent comments we hear of on here relating to the number and sex of someone's children.

ladymuckbeth I did not say she upset me. I was just wondering what I should have replied. I just didn't know what to say since I will be watching swimming lessons with her every week and I did not therefore want to be rude or perpetuate a difficult atmosphere. I don't give a shit what she thinks of my choices, I do give a shit about watching swimming without getting into some sort of uncomfortable confrontation.

I don't agree with private schools but wouldn't have said anything to a person's face. Would be unlikely to become friends as have totally different principles. I mix with a few people as acquaintances who choose private schools and have heard others (non private) comment that the local schools are good enough for our kids but not theirs so many suspect snobbery is involved. Whether it is or isn't is down to the individual. .

I've had this too - just grin and nod. Such prejudice can be very trying.

Of course we all want a witty comeback - and the MN staple of "did you mean to be so rude" is very excellent.

Or ask her if she went to special school herself to learn rudeness, or does it come naturally?

Personally, "I don't believe in rudeness" would have been the answer I'd have thought of on the way home!!

Or "we all pay for our education in one way or another" might have also occurred as my L'esprit d'escalier.

How she has instructed her boy to treat yours next week will be very telling - hope it works out OK.

Ladymuckbeth - I think your name suits you!

Yeah, I get fucked off when the plebs try to trash my ivory tower as well.

I find that a quick word from the butler usually sends them scampering though. And then I just roll around on my bed and frig myself with all my lovely MONEY MONEY MONEY that can buy me everything.

I've had it the other way round- though not so verbally expressed. Mums haven't spoken to me again because my DDs go to state school/nursery and obviously we are not "one of their sort of people."

As another poster said - get used to it!

Your children are privileged by going to private school and other people's negative opinions are a small price to pay.

When I tell people mine go to X private school locally I've had remarks like that. Its fair enough, a lot of people really disagree with private education and we have good state options locally. Once a mum said 'oh how lovely it always looks like a lovely school' and it actually made me feel uncomfortable and showy offy, I'm much more used to 'blimey you must sleep on a thick mattress' etc etc

I have had this exact comment and I replied 'lots of people don't'. We laughed about it in the end and we still talk to each other.

Ironic thing is she's a teacher at another private school in the area (confused.com)

Hear hear tove - my point exactly. You are incredibly fortunate to be in the position you are in by sending your children there in the first place.

It isn't prejudice, it's a position based on her beliefs and analysis of the situation.

It was however extremely rude, and socally inept, and possibly intended to be hostile IF as well as having beliefs about private schools she harbours prejudicial thoughts about people who use them.

Not sure she should care who heard her, does she need to be embarrassed about her position? She will however, have demonstrated her rudeness to anyone listening.

Not sure what you 'should' have said - anything you like, really. Or just shrug and move on.

What did you say? I've had dcs at private and state faith schools and got flack only for the faith schools. She's entitled to her opinion of course.

Yes I have no illusions that my children are very fortunate and actually I completely understand people disagreeing with it - it is divisive and not ideal wrestles with thorny conscious

sorry to go on but I think you (OP) need to develop a thicker skin - nothing worse than a private school parent needing validation or ego stroking from someone who doesn't agree with it/cant afford it/hates it or whatever.

It's not "hatred" to say what she said.

She was simply giving her opinion on something. Why she felt the need to give it to you is another matter - did she expect you to go "Oh really, let's discuss, yes you are right I will take DS immediately"?

But people do feel strongly about these things - she expressed her feelings succinctly without 'getting into it'.

Many people feel the same way she does.

It's like sexism - I don't feel the need to engage in huge discourse all the time re things I find sexist, but I will point it out when I encounter it (usually on FB (grin)). I will simply say "I find that sexist" or similar. There you go. Another person may think I'm rude for saying it, but it's something I feel strongly about and I don't care if they think I'm rude. BTW I do not think that it is rude to call sexism where I see it.

As to what could you have said, do you really need to say anything? Especially as you want to avoid a confrontation. You don't give a toss about her feelings about it, so just let it go. I don't see why there needs to be bad feelings.

Well.... don't want to be the devil's advocate here but I've had many comments about sending my kids (not next year, but the year after) to our local secondary school (which is a very good school, and five minutes walk from us). So far I have had 'oh god I would never send my children to that school' and 'I can't believe that professional people would send their children there. What was I supposed to say? In both cases I just laughed because really, it's a good secondary school. And yes, we would have money to send our children to private school but we don't. And right now my kids go to a faith school...... you wouldn't believe the comments I've had including 'so you've found God since you've had to apply for schools' and 'so you are bringing up happy clappies' etc etc.

Also, how do you know it is 'hatred'?

In an ideal world, I 'don't believe in' private education, but I fully understand, respect and support the reasons why my friends who use it have done so, and certainly do not hate them for it.

People make comments about their beliefs about only-children, religion, 4x4s, private health cover, para-military scouts organisations, 'feral' state school kids, choice of soft drinks, EVERYTHING.

It is totally ridiculous to suggest that the op should 'suck it up' because she is in the fortunate position of having the choice.
If the other woman has said 'I don't agree with mothers of young children working' that would be equally as rude yet nobody would be telling her to suck it up even if she admitted she didn't need the money.

In what way is that comparable?

I would have asked why,and got into a conversation with her,in full view of everyone.
Sometimes you end up educating them,sometimes they also end up educating you.
I would hope my reasons for things are thought through,and if a person comes out with such a statement,especially in front of others,I would expect and hope that her reasons are thought through too.
Otherwise,she is indeed just shouting her mouth off and being rude.

Why should the OP have to put up with uninvited opinions (actaully just plain rudeness) just because she can afford to pay for an independent school and does so?

It is absolutely comparable. If the op had chosen to return to work when her children were young then that would have been her choice, nobody else's business and it would have been rude for someone else to just announce, oh you've gone back to work! I don't agree with mothers working. In what way is it not comparable?

She shouldnt but that is life.
You have to be ready for life.
This op is going to get it again probably.
She wants to know what to reply.
None of my children went to private school,so I cant help her with what her actual answer should be in the future.