How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

stock reply
"good oh" and carry on as if she'd said nothing

she might as well have said she did not approve of the colour of the tarmac for all the true importance her views should have to you.

(private educated state school mum here !!)

"Oh I don't believe in all that allergy nonsense"
reply = "luckily the triage nurse at A&E does"

I am a part time main scale teacher, so am bringing in a reasonable salary (although not enormous). DH is better paid than me, but is by no means on an enormous salary. Put it this way, we will be keeping all our child benefit!

Since having DS in 2007, we have been paying out £800 a month in nursery fees - first for DS and now for DD (2.7). We don't have any reduction for EEF for her yet. That is how much nurseries cost around here - and that's for a term-time only place! Childminders are no cheaper, as they usually charge a hefty retainer forr school holidays. Full time nursery would be much more. We also pay out over £1,200 a year in Aftercare fees for DS.

TBH, we have just had to 'cut our cloth' as it were. We are totally used to that level of expenditure, and will probably feel very rich when DD starts school. At one time, when both kids were at nursery, I was working purely to stay in work - net pay was less than nothing. However, it is a sacrifice I am prepared to make to stay in work - my circumstances mean that if I gave up my job I would probably not get another one in my profession.

I could afford private school for one child without a doubt, and possibly two if I was prepared to remortgage my house and increase the term of my mortgage.

Many of my friends are fortunate enough to have family looking after their DCs when they go to work, and cannot imagine where we find the money from. Faced with no other choice, we have had to.

Whilst I understand that many (or most) people could not afford private education, there are many who say they couldn't when they actually could with the right financial sacrifices.

I am a bit shocked tbh,that you think like this Everlong.
That you are not aware of what it is like and what is happening in millions of households up and down the country.

To be fair to Everlong,it doesnt sound as if her schools are as expensive as some.
But even so, the fees alone are way out of reach of millions.

I don't agree with private education, but I'd never say so to someone unless it were actually a discussion about the ethics of private education, because I think that would be rude.

However, I do think that people who imply that using state schools is failing your child need to both learn some manners and take a reality check.

"A private education is possible if you're willing to give other things up, if that's what you wish."

So this doesn't mean anyone could use private schools if they gave things up? What does it mean then?

"A private education is possible if you're willing to give other things up,if that's what you wish"

And then you quoted a figure of £17k per year for 2 children.

I'm sorry, but that comes across as existing in a world that I would estimate 80% cannot have.
So for approx 80%,no it is not possible.
For lots,not in a month of sundays.

I agree, amillionyears. The 'sacrifice' argument always raises my hackles - as if by giving up cappucinos and gym membership, you too can send dd to Roedean. If you can sacrifice enough to send your dc to private schools, that's a heck of a lot of non-essentials you're having in the first place.

I can't believe that anyone's seriously trying to pin that ridiculous argument onto Everlong's posts. Come on people - it smacks of desperation to make your opponent look bad and an inability to let it go.

No-one believes that everyone is able to pay for a private education. No-one. It's patently ridiculous. The only argument being made - rather obviously, I would have thought - is that for some people, they could afford to go private but choose not to.

"have to get help from grandparents"

Many"ordinary" people do not go on holiday,eat beans on toast often,and have an extra job,just to get by.

At the end of the day,yes there are a few who could make the sacrifices you describe. A few.

Have you heard of the squeezed middle btw?

ohh,and there is a phrase "it is important to them"
m so beginning to see what Seeker is on about.
I dont usually go on these private school threads as I thought I would have nothing to contribute.

"it is important to them" comes across as saying it is not important to others.

ladymuckbeth, what sort of % in your opinion?

amillionyears I agree with most of your points.

However, there are huge differences between the best and worst state schools in the country. Before anyone jumps on me, I don't just mean in terms of results. Some state schools are fantastic, some are awful. Many people have little or no choice over their local school. Many people are unable to even get their child into their local school - either because they live that little bit too far or are of the wrong (or none) faith. Many people have bought into estate agents' cr*p about 'in catchment for x school' only to find that they are just outside the radial distance for the allocation for that particular year for non-siblings.

Whilst the vast majority of the population have absolutely no choice in that outcome (did someone mention 80%), there is a proportion who do - and should not feel guilty about exercising that choice for the right reasons. If there justification is that they are prepared to make the sacrifice, so be it.

The real injustice is that not everyone has access to the same standard of state education. Or health care. Or social care. Or housing.

I find that the sacrifice argument is routinely trotted out, not just on MN, but if there's ever a media debate - for example, over universities' alleged discrimination against private school candidates, you'll get people writing to the Times saying 'I was working class boy, my father was a miner, but my parents made huge sacrifices to send me to such and such public school', and headmasters of HMC schools making out their schools are full of children from council estates. Even if people are not explicitly saying so on this thread or anywhere else, the definite impression is that it's an option for all, if we make the sacrifices.

their not there.

"The real injustice is that not everyone has access to the same standard of state education. Or health care. Or social care. Or housing. "

Well said radical.

This is my first state vs private thread (where have I been?!?!) and I'm amazed at the level of vitriol expressed towards people who send their kids private. WTAF? In anything less than a communist state, there are those with more and those with less. Them's the breaks. Some people manage to work their way up, some fall down, but most stay just about where they're born.

Some people live in tin shacks in third world countries and can't send their children to school at all. Should they "not agree" with the education your child is getting because their children cannot access it? I'm absolutely baffled.

amillion - Who cares? Seriously, what does it matter? What does it matter whether some people can afford to send their children there and choose not to? This whole debate is a nonsense.

Everlong mentioned further upthread that there had been a poster further upthread who said that she was comfortably middle class and well-off but couldn't afford to send her children to private school. Everlong has simply stated that there are many people in that position who make sacrifices in order to be able to send their children to private school, because FOR THEM it is a) possible and b) worth it.

My DB and partner are a case in point. Between them they consider themselves to be doing "alright" but I know would never consider themselves well-off enough to send their children to private school, despite earning between them approximately £100k. Neither of them went to private school, none of their peers are sending their children to private school, and it's just not on their radar. There are people who earn less money than that (or who have the same/similar/less disposable income) who DO choose to send their children to private school, because to them it is worth it.

This whole conversation is both obvious and trivial....

Everlong,you needed to have said " a few" from your 19.50 pm posts onwards. But you didnt make that clear until now.