How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

If the faux pas thing is meant to be quoting me, let it be known that the only thing I said was a faux pas was swimming lady saying she didn't believe in private schools, ok?

Oh I see; so it's not OK to call prviate school kids thick, but when it happens, it doesn't really matter.
progress, albeit very limited...

Tough dont worry we can ram our non private and private kids together and round up the thickest ones to burn

Op, I'd have said, 'nevertheless, that's where my son goes, which is what you asked.'

critizing in public to an almost stranger is rude.
Wallison is also being rude.
Both rude.
Neither doing good behaviour.

But KKK I think unless you are going to say who has said that and why you think anyone else who is opposed to private education is responsible for them saying it, you don't really have a point. Am I responsible for everything anyone who has ever expressed an opinion I do share says if I dont share it? Why? That's like me saying a feminist was once rude to me so all feminists have a case to answer!

Oh FFS, all people on MN are rich, compared to most of the world's population. The fact that you can own or rent a house with running water and electricity, buy a wide range of foods cheaply, and so on, make you comparitively rich, and almost (but luckily not quite, phew!) as much the cause of discomfort and distress to others as someone who sends their DC to private school.

Just because you agree with the mad swimming pool woman doesn't mean that she is not rude to spout out her opinion to a perfect stranger.

Jealousy, most likely, that your DS is taught in small classroom with great resources and lots of sports facilities. (just a cliche but there is some truth about the resources available in independent schools that are not there in state school, particularly the size of classes).

Ignore her, do not give her a chance to say more about it, she can only say something worse. Lots of rude people around, she is just one of them, do not go down to her level.

It's true, I am a terrible oik.

And it's "private" not "prviate", ffs. You sound like you're saying "Hi" in Russian in the middle of every sentence, KKK, which is most off-putting.

I am not saying that Wallison is responsible for those remarks. i am saying that the fact she responds to complaints about them with hostile remarks on an unrelated point, rather than conceding the clear and obvious point that such remarks are wrong, is indicative of a certain attitude on her part. as is her vitriol when challeneged on the point.

Ok, so are you, as a parent of a child at private school, answerable for comments I have found offensive about children at state schools as feral, I'll behaved, stupid, loutish, etc? Do you want to take that on, any more than I want to take on something someone else has said to or near you?

Such remarks are wrong. And?

You should have said:

Oh really? I believe they are far better at developing ones social skills

Disclaimer: I have no bias, state or private - 'Do what suits your child and budget' sums it up for me!

"Fucko", indeed. past someone's bedtime, I think.
I would seek to disassociate myself from remarks such as those you describe, TOSN. Wallison and her ilk do not do so, even when explicitly invited to. which tells us a lot about what they really think.

(op here)

I want to add something which is rather ironic about social mobility.

There is a good reason why are lucky enough to be able to pay for our autistic boy to go to a private school.

My PILs are not at all rich. They both worked unskilled jobs (labourer and cleaner incl. night shifts do they hardly saw each other). They worked hard, struggled to put food on the table for the family. Could not afford a carpet when dh was a child. Anyway mil wanted dh to do well. She managed to get him both an assisted place and a scholarship at a private school, eliminating all but about £50 per term of the costs and then he had a bursary from his university on top of the normal grant and he worked nights to fund the rest of it. he got a good job and can now just afford ds fees. He is most certainly not stuck up an ivory tower or whatever the phrase is. He is a great advert for a large amount of social mobility. Trouble is, nobody hated (disliked if you prefer) him and a struggling little poor boy, but now that he has worked his ass off and been socially mobile, certain people don't have a very nice attitude.

Ironic because people claim to want social mobility. Well here it is.

Jesus. Is that how you usually 'invite' people to do something? I'm guessing your dinner parties are interesting affairs. Do you find your guests are more enthusiastic about the main course than the starter? Only maybe they've got over being bludgeoned around the head for no reason by then.

Its all very interesting Elec but your dh could have done just as well at a state school. You do know that, don't you?

So if my dh had gone to a state school and done well been socially mobile etc would it then be acceptable for him to pay private school fees for ds?

The point was more regarding people not liking the results of social mobility as opposed to how it was achieved.

Surely the point is that if someone gives you information about themselves, in answer to a question, it is rude to respond with "I don't agree with that."

I don't agree with bottle feeding.
I don't agree with immunisation.
I don't agree with going to church.
I don't agree with naming your child after a relative.
I don't agree with living in x suburb.
I don't agree with having 5 children.

It is just a rude way to speak to a new aquaintance.

Of course it's unacceptable to say horrible things about a child. Of course it is. And saying- as some do- that private schools are for thick rich kids is is both inaccurate and ignorant. And childishly rude.

But I do think that many private school parents live in a "private school world". And because of that, because most of their friends are private school parents too- they genuinely don't realise that they are constantly, if rather more subtly, criticising state school children too.

Every time somebody says that the state option was perfectly fine, but their particular child was too sensititve, too bright, too talented, too quiet or too well behaved for the school, the implication is that the other children in the school are leaden -souled, thick, talentless and feral. Every time somebody says something like "I wouldn't throw my child to the wolves" or "I've seen what goes on in comprehensives " (both direct quotes from recent mumsnet discussions) the hackles of the parents of bright, sensitive, talented, quiet, well behaved state school children rise.

And that's just the parents who are committed to state education. How this must feel to parents who want to privately educate, but can't afford it, I can't begin to imagine.

The private school group constantly say that they would "never" criticise a state school child, and get very indignant when someone boorishly criticises a private school child. And they are right be indignant. But maybe a little introspection would not go amiss.

Seeker how do you suggest that parents who have DC at private schools explain their decision? I am genuinely interested to know what an acceptable answer would be.

A totally bitchy passive aggressive answer, I know, but in response to 'I don't agree with private schools' you could have just smiled sweetly and said:

'I'm not surprised - people who can't afford them rarely do.'

(Of course I would not have actually been rude enough to say that myself, but it's the sort of thing I wish I could say, when faced with such an unprovoked judgment on my choices, which are none of her business. Luckily my manners are better than hers.)

Saffron- I don't know. But failing to acknowledge the impact that this sort of comment has on other people is not the way forward.

Fellatio- yep, that's a good idea. Confirm all her worst prejudices about private school parents in one short sentence.......