How do you reply to this? Private school hatred.

[Elec]

Ds goes to swimming, in the class is another boy who he likes. I was chatting to this boy's mum, who I have not spoken to before. She asks me what school ds is at so I tell her. It's a private school and she replied - I don't agree with private schools.

What should I have said? I cannot believe how socially acceptable this sort of prejudice is, she just said it in earshot of plenty of other people so clearly she didn't mind who heard.

I imagine if this had been the other way round and I asked her what school her ds went to and then said, well I don't agree with state schools (not my view obv!) that she would have had a go at me and probably so would people overhearing!

You can't do it, can you? you can't bring yourself to say that those kind of remarks are wrong, such is your dislike of private schools.
I think that's very sad. To be so embittered can't be much fun.

I just thing it's a bit loopy to claim that people who go to private school are discriminated against in some way. In fact, I would go so far as to say it's hatstand.

"I don't agree with private schools."
"Regarding what issue?"

We have sadly had the same, being told we are indulgent, posh, that its not worth the money and loads more. Dd1 only started in sept, and is on bursary and has SN which means the small classes are what she needs.
Seriously people can say what they want, but if they cared for my dd at all they would see how it's what she needs.

Wallison,do you agree that it is ok to badmouth those people that choose to send their children to private school for whatever reason?

Ok, people are allowed to be against privat education. It is a social faux pas to say so quite so bluntly, and most of us would not. But to say that there is some sort of crippling hatred of private schools which is any real problem is a bit silly.

I didn't address the point about remarks aimed at your personal choice for your own child, because I hadn't made them so they were nothing to do with me and I was too busy boggling, as I have been throughout this discussion, at the thought that private school pupils are discriminated against. As for 'embittered', I'm not the one talking about the choices (such as I have) about my child's education making them bear the brunt of prejudicial opinions.

Not necessarily ok to Barmouth, if by that you mean be actually malevolent. Ok not to approve though.

I'd have just said "well, don't go to one then" and smiled at her. What a daft cow.

Bad mouth!

I was not talking about discrimination in the sense of discrimination against people applying for jobs (though the sort of prejudice you and others exhibit does influence those decisions sometimes). My point was about the fact that dislike of private schools cause people frequently to say some very nasty things about children, even when it is pointed out that some of those children have quite acute special needs. You persist in diverting the discussion onto other matters and you won't condemn this. Why?

Hang on a second, you people saying it's 'rude' for this woman to voice her opinion about private schools. You seems to be saying that you are entitled to make your choices about education (OK, fine), but that it's not OK for her to voice her opinions.
Why is that?
Why is it fine for you to exercise choice that (arguably) affects the education and life chances of thousands of chidlren other than your own, and yet it's not fine for this woman to criticise your choice, simply because that makes you feel uncomfortable for a moment.

She's probably well aware that she seems rude, but would rather that than censor herself so that someone who (in her opinion) is using their wealth in what she believes to be an unethical way, than stand around censoring herself so as not to cause a moment's awkwardness to someone who is clearly privileged.

It's possible that in seding your children to private schools you are causing many other people far more discomfort and distress. Is that 'rude' of you? And if so, do you care?

I condemn people saying unpleasant things about children with special needs, just as I condemn people for saying unpleasant things about children who attend state schools. I think both are bad.

Perhaps this woman considers that sending your children to private schools is a greater 'faux pas' than expressing opinions that you are entitled to hold. Perhaps she thought she was doing you a favour by gently pointing this out?

And believe me, anti-prvioate school bigotry is very far from the biggest problem my ds is going to face in life - i only wish it were otherwise. but I don't like to hear him called thick. he might not be able to cope with the 34 in a class local state primary, no. but that is not because he is thick and it grates whe i hear ignorant, stupd people make that assumption.
And he ain;t going to be prime minister i can assure you, so you can rest easy on that score.

And I suspect that the word thick has come up more often as applied to the sorts of children you find in a state school than otherwise.

Clarification: you are haranguing me to condemn things that other people have said which have nothing to do with me.

People really do hate private schools, don't they? Their irrational bigotry leads them to shun those private school children by electing to make sure their children don't have to mix with them, so they send them to state schools since it's an equal choice for most people. Oh the discrimination.

I can see that my persistence on the topic has caused you a certain amount of discomfort, Wallison, hence your unpleasant personal attack. Good.

Karlos, have you ever been anyone else on MN?

TOSN

I agree, SteamingNit. And just look at mumsnet with its irrational bigotry against private schools. There are people who will say that it doesn't much matter a bean that someone on the internet said a kid was "thick", but I know better. I know there's no real world out there.