How would you feel if your child was 'encouraged' to play with a child with learning difficulty?

[Nottigermum]

DS is 5 years old, in year 1, and he has a severe speech disorder. Most people can understand him now but it is difficult to understand him in a busy classroom. The school has proposed this year to keep on doing speech therapy with him every day, but the difference is that some of the therapy includes playing various communications games with another children from his class.

The games take about 15 minutes, usually taking place in the school library, and the teacher chooses a different child every day, encouraging them to play with my son (who really struggles to make friends because of his speech). its anything from snakes and ladders to snap.

One of my very good friend overheard a parent in the playground saying that she is not happy about this and she would complain to the teacher. She said they can't force her daughter to play with my son, it takes children away from the classroom, etc. of course it hurts but i am trying to go beyond that and find out about various opinions.

What do you think? how would you feel if that would happen in your child's classroom? Thanks for your honest opinions!

My dd is frequently paired in school with children who have SEN. On each occasion, she has been very proud of her ability to "help" another child, and this has significantly enhanced her self-esteem. She has also learnt a lot from the experience herself - particularly with regard to social skills and learning to communicate effectively with people who are different from herself.

I would be pleased if I heard about the arrangements in place for your DS, OP, as I'm sure that the activities are beneficial for all of the children in different ways. If there are some narrow-minded parents who cannot grasp this, that need not be any concern of yours. It's for the parent to take up with the class teacher and for the teacher to tell her to fuck off.

Can I just emphasise, in case I wasn't clear enough, that my dd loves helping the little boy in her class because he is her FRIEND. Just as she loves showing round the new kid, or helping the child with a broken leg... It's not an act of charity, it's something they both benefit from, and she really enjoys his company.

I hate the way some parents talk about this as though it's some kind of kiddy voluntary work. Our children are in a school community, and it's perfectly natural and appropriate for them to help each other out in all sorts of ways.

I'd be starting a runour (it could be true anyway) that your son is staggeringly intelligent. His speach difficulty is because he has so many thoughts whizzing about his head.

That means that only the bright children can possibly keep up with him, in fact he has to dumb down for these sessions.

Any child who is not invited is not clever enough. Oh hang on a minuite - there is only one child never invited.

I meant start a rumour

Well said, Devora.

Well said devora

Sashh - that would make you as bad/worse than the other parent. Another parent behaving like that doesn't excuse starting rumours about another child

In my DDs school, they arrange tables so there is one very able child, a couple of middling kids and one who is below average.

It's meant to be so that the middlers can help the lower range child and the able one can help the middlers...but is that fair? My DD is middling...she's never complained...I suppose it's good for them all except the able child!

But then they have the teacher to help them...

The upset woman sounds like a moron.

Slightly different, but last year dd was sat with a boy who had difficulty reading & writing. She (along with others) were sat with him to help him with words that he found problematic. Not instead of the teacher helping, but just so he had the access to help when the teacher was busy .. sort of a stop gap until the teacher was free to help him.

I was pleased that dd had been given this role & she loved helping in her own little way. It gave both her & the lad some confidence. I thought it was a fab idea!

Should say, dd was 7 at the time

The upset idiot of a parent is missing the fact that the children selected to play with the child who the intervention is set up, also gains a lot from the experience.

Let her go to the teacher. Let her child miss out. Bigot deserves it!

I think my child would gain a lot from interacting with your child. Such as patience, new ways to communicate, that we are all different, kindness, etc etc. and it's only for 15 mins!!

I would genuinely be very pleased for my DD to be involved in something like this. I don't see how 15 minutes of 1:2 attention and games with a Ta could be anything other than a good thing. I'm sure both children are learning a lot about turn taking, following rules/instructions, listening to others, etc.

To be honest, I think it's quite strange that the school felt the need to inform parents about this. In year 1 I'd expect the children to be working with the Ta for all sorts of things and in all sorts of groups, and unless it's the same child each week I don't see why it needs any discussion.

Oh and we've recently got to know a boy the same age as DD1 who has fairly severe speech and language difficulties. I was a bit disappointed to find out that he's not in DD's reception class. I couldn't give a suit about his speech, but he's an absolutely lovely boy.

Sorry, I just realized that sounds wrong. Of course I understand that it's a concern for his parents, and hope he gets the support he needs. But it doesn't make the slightest difference in terms of wanting/not wanting my daughter to interact with him.

To those parents who think they should have the right to pick and choose which children their kids cam be involved with while learning - if you want to do that, it's called homeschooling. If you do decide to send your kids to school, on the other hand, then appreciate the fact they will mix with a range of children and get over yourselves.

Some parents have rather "strange" ( to put it politely) views of children with additional needs. A mother called a girl in our school, who has learning difficulties which also affect her speech "the dumbo one " and wondered why the class teacher was rather annoyed!

wow, snowball, what did the teacher say?

op the other parent is an idiot, uneducated and ignorant.

I have ds1 now I year 6 and in his school all children from reception onwards mix, learn and play with children with various learning issues. He has dyslexia and has had many reading buddies from his classmates over the years. The children are so happy to help, it teaches patience and understanding, care and support and understanding, to all the children, a child with any such of special need, speech, dyslexia, autistic, whatever is a total no brainer and a non issue for them, unlike some parents who need a bloody education about it all!

What a moron.

OP, my DS has a severe language delay and some speech difficulties. I think the way the school are working with your DS sounds fantastic.

That other mum sounds like a right whinger with very little clue as to how schools and the communities that exist within them work. Or, indeed, of the very short shrift she'll get from the class teacher when she 'complains' about the situation. The other parents in my DS's class have only had supportive comments to make about his presence there - the extra staff and equipment that my big mouth and sharp elbows have brought to the classroom benefit all the pupils. That other mother should know better and keep her short sighted and ignorant views to herself.

I hope your DS continues to make such good progress.

I would presume that anything aimed at improving communication between year 1 children was intended as beneficial for both of the children involved. I don't think being out of the classroom for 15 minutes is a huge issue at that age either so none of it would bother me at all.

DS3 became best buddies with a boy with fairly obvious autism in his class last year (well I spotted it within 2 seconds of seeing him). He was heartbroken when his friend moved away over the summer.

DS3 didn't even notice his friend had autism (ds3 has a severely autistic brother, so either he didn't notice because it's his normality, or he didn't notice because his friend wasn't as severe so therefore wasn't autistic in his eyes iyswim - I don't think it matters really, the point is he just totally accepted him for who is).

So long winded way of saying I really wouldn't be bothered at all if ds2 or ds3 were 'used' for reverse inclusion and/or communication games (tbh I am more of a fan of reverse inclusion than inclusion in many cases). I would almost expect ds2 and ds3 to be involved tbh as they automatically adjust their language for ds1 so it really is second nature to them.

There's a little girl with quite significant needs in ds3's class and a group of girls has naturally evolved who tend to help her and look out for her (she has a TA etc as well of course, but she gets support from other girls which has just arisen out of friendships).

Obviously it's a good thing, goes without saying. There is prejudice, unfortunately.

Just to comment on the talk partner thing, pairing DC with different abilities is good for both DC, IMO. The benefits for the less able one are the help and role modelling provided. The more able child benefits socially of course, but also from having to think carefully about a shared task, why the method works or thinking more deeply about ideas. Explaining ideas or methods to others is a very good way of learning them.

Just to reinforce what has been said above, DD did exactly this last year, playing communication games with a boy in her class who had speech problems. But it so wasn't a one-way process, the games were also teaching the other children about speaking up, taking turns, etc etc.

So we had no problems with it at all, and I was actually quite pleased when DD told me later on in the year that she'd been playing with this boy quite a bit.

And thus this other woman is a complete idiot,. The only consolation being that you have at least discovered this and can now avoid her.

Most of the kids in DS2's Y2 class are quite bewildered by him - they simply don't have the maturity to really process his differences. He's autistic, non-verbal and very bouncy and screechy.

Some of the older kids adore him, though. They have a buddy system at the school and the Y5& 6 girls queue up to look after him. He's actually forming nice little friendships with some of them and chats with them (babble with odd words) and says hello in the street. And the benefits go both ways because some of the girls are at the age where they're beginning to feel a bit hormonal and self conscious and having a little buddy helps build up their self esteem.

Wouldn't bother me at all.