How would you feel if your child was 'encouraged' to play with a child with learning difficulty?

[Nottigermum]

DS is 5 years old, in year 1, and he has a severe speech disorder. Most people can understand him now but it is difficult to understand him in a busy classroom. The school has proposed this year to keep on doing speech therapy with him every day, but the difference is that some of the therapy includes playing various communications games with another children from his class.

The games take about 15 minutes, usually taking place in the school library, and the teacher chooses a different child every day, encouraging them to play with my son (who really struggles to make friends because of his speech). its anything from snakes and ladders to snap.

One of my very good friend overheard a parent in the playground saying that she is not happy about this and she would complain to the teacher. She said they can't force her daughter to play with my son, it takes children away from the classroom, etc. of course it hurts but i am trying to go beyond that and find out about various opinions.

What do you think? how would you feel if that would happen in your child's classroom? Thanks for your honest opinions!

Hand on heart, it would not be an issue at all, in fact I would hope my child would gain from some 1-1 time. What a lot of parents forget is that all children have different needs, some are just more obvious than others. There will be shy children, children with poor listening skills, anxious children, children that can't share etc etc and the staff will also be working on those skills with them albeit in a less obvious way. Unfortunately you have come across a nasty woman and you're just going to have to throw it over your shoulder and put it behind you and move on. Not easy I know.

DD did this in primary school.

Was a great benefit to both of them. In fact the girl she was buddied with has now got a part time job with DD and is very happy to have an old friend in her new workplace.

I would kick that woman's ass!

One of my sons is SN and he was allowed to pick people to help him ... and the chosen ones always felt special. Horrid woman ... it's good for your child and those who help. Good luck.

I could see it would be an issue if it was in the run up to important exams. But these kids are year 1! What does the mother think her daughter is missing!

I think it's a nice idea and my ds (y1) would probably really like doing it because he likes games and having a chat in a quiet environment! I'm sure the teacher will know which kids suit the activity and which don't and will choose accordingly.

She's being a cow, or ignorant at best. I'm sure it will benefit your DS and all the children who join him in these activities.

The school sounds great. I also hope she does complain and get an earful from the school!

I would wonder why I was even being told. This should be so 'common place' that it's not even a 'thing'.

That women is a dick. I hope she complains so more people find out what a nasty bigot she is.

I was you twelve years ago. I now have a happy healthy seventeen year old ds2 who has no speech difficulty. I am extremely grateful to all the children who worked with him and for the friendships he made. I think as a parent we worry more and the children see it as no big deal. One of my younger sons went onto buddy with a boy who had partial deafness and he worked with him. He was delighted to have been picked and I think he got a lot out of it as well. They remain good friends at secondary school. How shortsighted and rude of that parent. How sad for the child having a parent like that. None of us know whats ahead of us in life and lets hope her own child is never in need of any help

I don't think the school needs to communicate to other parents at all. Beneficial to all and part of life to mix with everyone. Part of developing into an accepting, open minded person... something this woman clearly isn't.

OP I am so sorry about this hurtful person complaining! Of course I want my DC to be encouraged to play with children with learning difficulties - actually no, they don't need to be encouraged, they happily play with EVERYONE without labelling them, I expect this and so does school, and rightly so.

Something similar is in place to support a child in DS's yr4 class. I'm fine with it, think it's beneficial for everyone's communication skills and it certainly hasn't ever come up for playground comment.

In general I think it is a good thing as long as it is not continually one other child who misses out on learning. Earlier in the school I did have a slight issue to be honest as DS2 kept getting picked by the SN boy to stay with him and it meant that he missed about 3/4 assemblies in a row which I didn't think was great but I didn't say anything.

Why oh why would your good friend repeat what she heard.

I would have no problem whatsoever. In fact it would make me glad that my dc went to such a caring school.

This woman is an ignorant twat op.

Does she know it's 15 minutes and once every 29 school days? (assuming 30 in a class)

I wouldn't mind my child playing with yours.

I thought so. I will ignore. Common sense will prevail.

It's really hard for children who have problems communicating. they can be very smart, very keen on interacting with others, advanced in many areas, have beautiful qualities, but some other eedjuts only see the speech problems.

I wouldn't have a problem at all. Ignore the pig ignorant ratbag; people like that don't actually matter.

I reckon the school could get round this (horrible) attitude by setting a learning objective for the other child as well. There will be loads of speaking and listening or PSHCE objectives that would fit. Then it could be made explicitly clear that the other child is also learning, which they most definitely would be.

I would be pleased that I had remembered to drop my dc off at the right school. Their school is great. They ALL learn Makaton and get rewards if they sign a lot. Most classes have 2 or 3 children with physical disabilities so they learn all about wheelchairs, being blind etc. It is getting a bit harder in junior as they are playing more complicated games, but usually the whole class see it as their responsibility to make sure those with learning disabilities always have someone to play with. Also they get the loudest cheers at sports day.

Suggest to your school about getting the whole school signing, it is great for communication, also gets them all learning another 'language' (think technically makaton is classed as communication compared with BSL which is a language). They took part in sign to sing, think it is in feb time, would be a good introduction for the school. And it might filter through to the t* of a mother or she might take her predjudices elsewhere

So sorry to read OP had to learn that was said :(.
In truth, to answer your question, it depends on my DC.
Well specially DS2, because he's impulsive and highly competitive & I'd be very afraid he'd do or say something unkind to the child with LD. I wouldn't expect other DC to ever be horrid, but I think DS2 would just blurt something very insensitive out. Or deliberately wind the child up (he does that to his siblings all the time, attention seeking).

And then I'd be afraid all this happened & other mums would be tut-tutting about DS2's behaviour, but I would never know it had happened except as some kind of back-handed gossip thrown at me many months later.

Apparently there's a child at school who doesn't like to be touched; whole school assembly telling everyone to understand that Henry doesn't like to be touched (I know how MNers like to go off on tangents, I presume assembly done with approval of Henry's parents). Sure enough, DS2 went out of his way to touch that child. It was like red rag to a bull, telling him he could easily get a big reaction with so small a gesture (sigh).

3/4 of DC had mild speech delay, btw, but that didn't make DS2 tolerant of it in others.

All my dc would have been pleased and proud to do this. I would have been very happy for them to do this, even regularly.

Not meaning to rock the boat here OP, my only concern from the other parent's point of view might be, would my dc start to copy other child's speech. Dc has a very good friend with a slight lisp, you would always know when they had been playing together as ds would copy this lisp when speaking for weeks after. Infact it got to a point he just didnt know how to pronounce a particular letter anymore as he got so used to this lisp.

Its taken lmost a yr for him to drop the fake lisp and return to his normal speech. I also seem to 'mimic' any slightly odd speech pattern i hear on a regular basis , apart from this, i'd be more than happy for my dc to be a part of helping another friend.

They are not forcing children to do anything, and PSHCE, tolerance and inclusion are part of the curriculum. The chosen children get to feel special and useful, it can make a very ordinary child's day to help or to be the expert in a game.
The mother, sadly, is a nasty, selfish baggage. I hope the school is robust enough to take a stand. How would she feel if they excluded her child from that opportunity, and how would her child feel, I wonder?

Gunz, this is 15 minutes, once a day with a different child each time, so unlikely to impact in any negative sense.