How would you feel if your child was 'encouraged' to play with a child with learning difficulty?

[Nottigermum]

DS is 5 years old, in year 1, and he has a severe speech disorder. Most people can understand him now but it is difficult to understand him in a busy classroom. The school has proposed this year to keep on doing speech therapy with him every day, but the difference is that some of the therapy includes playing various communications games with another children from his class.

The games take about 15 minutes, usually taking place in the school library, and the teacher chooses a different child every day, encouraging them to play with my son (who really struggles to make friends because of his speech). its anything from snakes and ladders to snap.

One of my very good friend overheard a parent in the playground saying that she is not happy about this and she would complain to the teacher. She said they can't force her daughter to play with my son, it takes children away from the classroom, etc. of course it hurts but i am trying to go beyond that and find out about various opinions.

What do you think? how would you feel if that would happen in your child's classroom? Thanks for your honest opinions!

my ds2 has sn hes five, i think its fab for sn child to play with other kids my son is non verbal too the womans an idiot .

I would be pleased that it was a caring school.

Thanks custard!

I'd be the first to encourage it.

I would be pleased that your DS was helping my DD with her social skills. Getting along with diverse people is one of the most important outcomes I want from my DD's education, because I think it's such a vital life skill.
I am however, not sure I would get on with that mother.

I certainly would not think too badly of the other mother. As others have said, perhaps she really doesn't know the arrangements. Perhaps she is worried about her own child, who is perhaps struggling at school, and is therefore, rightly, concerned that they will be helping your child and not staying in class where she thinks they should be cos they need to keep up too.

Also, there are a ton of parents our there who are lucky to have perfectly normal children. Their understanding of any probs that are normal/everyday for other parents is zero. And why/how should they understand? It is a world they know nothing about so their empathy will be low. Be pleased for her that she doesn't have the same difficulties as you to deal with.

I'd be glad to have my child at a school like this.

Oher mother sounds like a total ass.

It sounds like this arrangement would be very good in aiding the socialisation of this girl. Hopefully she will learn to be less self-centred than her mother appears to be.

i would be delighted as i would know that both children involved would be learning. but then again im the mum of several asd kids so i may be biased.

I'd think my child would be getting as much out of it, if not more, than the child he was "helping"
There are a couple of lads in my ds's class with different learning and emotional difficulties, and it's actually amazing and heartwarming to see how the kids ar edefensive and protective of them. It gives me hope that the generation we're raising may be slightly less bigoted than the parent the OP mentions

DD just went into year 1. She got to know the children in her school's dedicated SEN unit (for children with severe to moderate learning difficulties) pretty well last year as they spent quite a bit of time with Reception and there was also an opportunity for Reception children to spend time in the SEN unit. DD also had the chance of spending time in a class dedicated to children with social and communication difficulties at her preschool. I'm happy that she actively chooses to play at break time with a couple of the children from the special unit at school who she particularly likes. I think it will probably do her nothing but good. DD is only just six and is quite interested in the fact that the little girls she likes (a little older than her, but probably not by much) are completely non-verbal and also don't seem to understand much of what she says. DD knows a little Makaton and can use this to talk to them in a very very basic way.

I seriously cannot see what the problem would be with playing a game for fifteen minutes. Games are enormously educational in any case at this age (if anyone was worried about their child missing out for a few minutes). Most games are all about maths of one kind or another.

'And why/how should they understand? It is a world they know nothing about so their empathy will be low. Be pleased for her that she doesn't have the same difficulties as you to deal with.'

Really Hoops? We should take others marginalising our children, regarding them as a liability in a MS classroom, excluding them from social events and treating them as entertainment or something to sneer at whilst cosseting their golden children?
If you have a child with additional needs and you can do that, I am impressed at your path on the way to sainthood. However, don't expect the majority of the rest of us to be that magnanimous. Mostly I wish that their empathy may be increased by direct personal experience.

"why/how should they understand? It is a world they know nothing about so their empathy will be low"

the second part of this quote answers the first part actually

you can learn things from people who are different to you!

So the OP should be pleased for the other woman who has a normal child?

Snakes and Ladders and Snap are good games for any young children to play. It would be good for both halves of the arrangement, I would have thought.

Be pleased for her that she doesn't have the same difficulties as you to deal with.

What?!?!?!?

I've not read anyone elses reply.

I would be very happy for my child to do this as he would be a) helping another person and B) thinking outside of his usual friendship group and C) be learning about people with disabilities C) leaning lots of skills about overcoming language barriers

Cos only special children are given to special people who have the compassion and strength to deal with them and the world? To smile benignly whilst educating the deeply unempathic?

Oohh Twinkle twinkle twinkle.

Now this is where I am grateful to MN for creating the SN boards where we wash away that sort of sanctimonious crap with large amounts of gin and chocolate amongst the company of our peers.

OK just read everyone elses comments. You really must see this womans comments as a reflection on the sort of person she is and the hang ups she has. She does not represent any other parent in your childs class. She sounds awful!

Sounds to me as if she is scared her own child is under par, to be honest. I don't think it's anything to do with your DS, altho it might come out like that.

No one balanced would feel it was anything but a good idea - teaches kids how to engage with others, empathy, analytical skills, all that.

Having said that, you do get disability discrimination, and there's no point pretending otherwise. My SIL broke off playdates with a severely autistic girl who was 8, as my DN was only 4, a bit smaller and couldn't handle the unpredictability. She felt awful. But a lot of people made congratulatory remarks.

I haven't read the entire thread but just to say that my dd does have a child in her class with quite significant learning difficulties (is statemented and has a FT TA). The other children do get involved with him in various ways - for example, every day he gets to pick the child who will take him to lunch. They see this as a huge honour. In addition, he is of course another friend who they play with, invite to parties etc. He's a sweet kid - they're all sweet kids - and I would be furious if another parent started spoiling the nice dynamics going on in that class.

I know it happens, though. I met a woman recently who has a child with autism at a nearby prep school. One of the mothers has been complaining about having her child in the class, saying: "I can see what her child gets out of being in a class with my child; but I don't see what my child gets out of having to be in class with hers". Really nasty

What the actual FUCK, Hoops?!

I can't even think of a sensible, non ranty response to your post.

As the mother to two DC's with SN's, and two without, one who has just volunteered at school to do playground duties helping the younger DC's with SN's (first I knew was when I got a permission letter to sign), all I can think of is

Pass the gin and chocolate, Woffling. I fear I may be in need of it, after some posts on this thread...

It sounds lovely. The only time I might worry is if I didn't understand that it was only small amounts of time . But if it has all been properly explained the other mother just sounds nasty.

Also, regardless of their strong friendships, it is good for children to socialise with other children. Who knows who will be in their class next year/next school or when they will fall out with their current friends. A wide range of friends is good for any child, so her child is benefiting too.