What to do if local "mafia mummies" start 'helping out' at primary school

[aambrose100]

I'm sure most of us are aware that some Mums can be a little prone to nasty gossiping and bullying behaviour towards other Mums....most of the time we can just ignore it, but does anyone have any advice as to what to do if these Mums then start getting positions in the local school 'helping out'. I've had a meeting with one of the teachers this afternoon and although I didn't go into detail, made it clear that I didn't want a helper to have any access to either of my children, either reading to them, helping out or especially having any access to their records. If necessary, I'll put my concerns in writing to the school. Obviously they can CRB check helpers but this doesn't police against women who just get together and spread nasty rumours. Anyone had any experience of this? How did you handle it? Any schools out there that have policies where they don't offer positions to local Mums to help out? If someone is that passionate about helping out at schools there are plenty in other villages to chose from, particularly ones from more deprived areas.

I wouldn't have thought a volunteer in a school would have access to child's records.

How did the teacher react when you said you didn't want your child helped?

did they think you were a lunatic?

You don't want mum helpers assisting your children because you don't like them? I'm sure that went down well. I take it you are volunteering so the school has a wide pool of people to call on?

ok, is this happening at the moment to you op?
it does happen but as in all walks of life, most of the voluntary helpers are lovely parents who wantto be invovled in childrens lives

Surely labelling them as 'mafia mummies' and refusing to let them near your children because you've taken a dislike to them makes you just as bad?

All helpers in my DCs school have to abide by a policy of not revealing any information that they come across while helping. I've helped regularly for several years and never seen any record other than a list

of who has read with who that week. I don't want to help in another school, why on earth would I drop my DCs at one school then trzvel to another to help when I could just stay?

I am a governor in my children's school and have helped out regularly over the 10 years that I have been involved with the school. I have NEVER seen any confidential information relating to an individual child. Schools take data protection very seriously IME.

I wouldn't give a monkeys tbh. I think you need to get some real problems to deal with, instead of getting het up over (the horror) parent volunteers.

That said, if a parent volunteer actually started releasing confidential information about a pupil, I would be in to see the ht. (and usually the volunteer in question is then reminded of policy, thanked, and not invited back). Parent volunteers are all reminded frequently about their responsibilities towards confidentiality, and usually have to sign an agreement as well as CRB etc. They aren't usually allowed access to records as such, so it would just be day to day activity they would witness.

Mountain out of a molehill, much?

I'm not in favour of 'give a dog a bad name and hang him', so I would need actual proof of a helper being indiscreet with information gleaned from volunteering before I marched in and told the school which helpers could have access to my kids.

The tone of your post is gossipy in itself. If you have real concerns about confidentiality, then quit the juvenile 'mafia mummies' bollocks and make a formal complaint, not all this 'not my kids' pisstakery. A genuine concern needs appropriate action, otherwise you sound like you are perpetuating the ridiculousness (which, really, is bound to help in a playground stand-off.)

Why would you leave other people's children in that sort of position? Either you have a valid concern, or you are just as bad as the women you are bitching about. Not my kids, indeed.

Sounds like you are exactly the type of person you are judging. Take a look in the mirror cause you do come across as the gossipy judgmental type.

Are you paranoid that perhaps a group of nice mums have got sick of your gossiping and and left you out of their group and now you feel slighted you are on the attack against them?

Another helper here, and a governor too. I have also never been given any confidential info about a pupil. If you have specific concerns about a specific indecent, then raise them, but I would imagine that it is nearly impossible for the school to juggle around your suggestion.

My advice would be to say nothing unless you know with absolute certainty that the helpers are gossiping about the kids. If you do, then speak to the head. And then leave it in their hands.

Banning parent helpers from your own dc on the basis of speculation is extreme.

And why should a school look to more deprived areas to seek parental help? What has wealth or otherwise got to do with it?

I'm a parent helper & have been for 8 years now. I have never seen pupils records or anything remotely sensitive. All parent helpers are expected to adhere to the same code of conduct as the staff.

Your op is gossipy.

I think OP is being given an unnecessarily hard time.

OP, you sound concerned that your children's privacy might be compromised by people other than teachers having access to listen to them read etc, is that right? I guess you have your good reasons and, I would think, the school should respect your wishes.

It is possible that helpers gossip about the children in the school - plenty of parents do - and I don't think you're unreasonable from wanting to protect your family from this.

I can understand what the OP means. Last year, my DS started a community preschool, where it is very normal for parents to volunteer. A good friend's DS was also in the same session, but he refused to settle in. So my friend attended sessions for almost the whole term to help her DS settle in (friend's DS has now been diagnosed with Aspergers).

Pretty soon, she launched a vile attack on my son, esp. in the company of other mums. She would talk about how clumsy my DS was, how he struggled to make friends, how he was unable to feed himself etc.

I was heartbroken but everytime I talked to the teachers they said he was doing absolutely fine. Finally, during a bbq party when my friend again started talking about my DS, I snapped and told her in no uncertain terms to leave my DS alone and not talk in such a derogatory manner about him.

I barely speak to my erstwhile friend now and am really dreading the new term!

But none of that has actually happened to the op.

Given that the gossiping and other behaviours that you are concerned about are not the norm, wouldn't it be sensible to assume all will be fine and deal with any problems. You are assuming there will be problems and taking action that may be completely unnecessary.

Why assume the worst?

I sympathise OP. I would tell the Head Teacher of my concerns. You've already told the teacher. Just say you don't want any unqualified helper having access to your child. Those type of gossipy meddlesome people should find something else to do with their time.

Having said that, I've not had a problem with this. I knew a few Mums who helped at school and they never ever mentioned anything ever about any child there. So that was fine. But if they had people would not have approved and would have complained.

Halfling, you should take this up with the head. And your erstwhile friend should be removed from her position as she has shown that she can't be trusted not to gossip.
Unless I have got the op wrong, the concerns were supposition, not fact.

I think the OP is being given a really hard time and has been scared off the thread as a result.

Yes she may be overreacting, yes she may be being judgemental, but let's not pretend that the type of bullying, cliquey mums she's referring to do not exist. Of course they do - they are in my school and they are probably in yours. I have read many a MN thread about this very thing.

Where the OP is being unreasonable is in prejudging the volunteers at her school. Schools take breaches of confidentiality very seriously - they regularly remind volunteers of their duties in this respect.

Also if she doesn't want her child to read with volunteers then she should be prepared for her child to read with an adult in school very, very infrequently, if at all!

OP reads like a jour no ( that's an iPad sic) fishing for ANOTHER crap non story tbh.

Anyhow no one really cares past year 4 about reading bands yaddah yah so if OP is really genuine I'd go back to work and let the childminder deal with it.

aambrose100 you need to be clearer about what these women have done.

FWIW, paid TA's have access to children's records but parent helpers do not. Most helpers only supervise school trips or occasionally help out with slower readers. Most mums would help out with decorating classrooms or fundraising.

Yes you can ask that your child only be assisted by a paid member of staff if you like, after all there are many mums who hate each others guts and wouldn't let each other anywhere near their kids. Schools kinda understand this but don't forget that any helpers in school are obliged under the same confidentiality clause that other staff members are not to disclose anything about any child they help. If they do reveal information they shouldn't then action can be taken against them regardless of whether they are volunteers or not.

"I'm sure most of us are aware" = patronising twatism btw.

thefirstmrsrochester, I plan to take this up with the head when the term starts. It has been most heart breaking to witness someone being so utterly vile to my little 3 yo.

But such people exist and the OP has a valid concern wherein she does not wish non-teachers to have access to her DC at school. Her fear may be unfounded but it is not unreasonable to worry.