What to do if local "mafia mummies" start 'helping out' at primary school

[aambrose100]

I'm sure most of us are aware that some Mums can be a little prone to nasty gossiping and bullying behaviour towards other Mums....most of the time we can just ignore it, but does anyone have any advice as to what to do if these Mums then start getting positions in the local school 'helping out'. I've had a meeting with one of the teachers this afternoon and although I didn't go into detail, made it clear that I didn't want a helper to have any access to either of my children, either reading to them, helping out or especially having any access to their records. If necessary, I'll put my concerns in writing to the school. Obviously they can CRB check helpers but this doesn't police against women who just get together and spread nasty rumours. Anyone had any experience of this? How did you handle it? Any schools out there that have policies where they don't offer positions to local Mums to help out? If someone is that passionate about helping out at schools there are plenty in other villages to chose from, particularly ones from more deprived areas.

I have to laugh at the idea that a school can't function without parent volunteers.

Over her there's no such thing, the dcs are in a room of 30 spread across 3 classes with on teacher. Children manage to get their own paintbrush and so far none have randomly 'wandered off'

I wouldn't want another parent in the room and I can safely say most parents here would agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment.

On second thoughts, the OP does sound like a journo and why hasn't she been back on her own thread?

You are very right to be worried. At my school several children disappeared and they didn't discover the helper was an alien until it was too late. The government denied it but there is a planet out there with a large contingent of small children and their Biff and Chip books.

Think on.

Those cliquey Mums do exist. But they are usually to busy going to the gym, shopping or double parking their 4 x 4's or trowelling on the slap to bother helping in school. Not that I approve of stereotyping people.

Halfling . sorry you have had such a rotten experience with a former good friend.

I agree with Pag. By being so aggressively suspicious before any breach of confidentiality, you aren't going to get anywhere with school, just appear unreasonable. I have only ever heard of schools where parents don't help out with classes their own child is in, not any blanket ban on local parents as helpers.

I am still chortling at did they think you were a lunatic.

I've helped out in DC's school for years - craft activities, school trips, reading etc - and had no idea that this was being viewed with suspicion by some.

I certainly don't help out to be 'meddlesome', nosy or cliquey.

I do it because I have the time, and it seems to be appreciated by the school, and I enjoy it.

I've met a few mum friends through doing this, which I guess aambrose100 would consider to be 'a clique'?

Er....speaking as a journo - awaits the pitchforks - no, the OP doesn't read like a journo. Just saying.

I slightly long to meet these mythical Horror Mums with nothing better to do than gossip. Sadly, the school gate round my way is packed with charming people

Oh ffs, OP, get a grip. Anyone who regularly volunteers in a school has to be CRB checked and to adhere to a confidentiality clause - if it was found that rumours were spreading then that helper would be out on their arse before they could say Oxford Reading Tree!!

What exactly are you worried about re: "no access to my child"? What do you think is going to happen? Thumbscrews applied until little Johnny reveals what book band he is on or phonics group he is in? Seriously you need to get a life and be grateful for the dedicated men and women who make a teachers life that little bit easier each week.

yy same here MI

boo to Nice People

Hully

OP - the most you can do is to check there is a Confidentiality Agreement - there almost certainly will be. I do know of a case where a parent was take off volunteering duties because of the disparaging way she spoke about her reading group, so I know it can happen.

But I think you are going a bit OTT. Parents will not have access to notes.

BTW - I volunteered myself for a couple of years.

I haven't met any of these "mafia mums" at the school gate which makes me think I must be the token "mafia mum".

Labootin is right, it smells of journo. There's no other posts and no other threads from this OP. Don't say you weren't warned.

Had visions of Carmela Soprano pitching up to read Biff, Chip and Kipper when I read the thread title. Seriously though, why pre-judge? Talk to the school if there is a problem.

Maybe it links in with the that new programme about School Gates on Living etc

[aah yes outed myself as a Living viewer, but BINTM is great]

I think that you've been unfairly jumped on because I recognise the description.

Is there a specific mum you're wary of or does your child have a sensitive problem area?

As a volunteer I might know a child's reading band, if they had a toilet accident, warning on the board or had been crying but I wouldn't know everything about everyone. The children with sen are generally with the TA/teacher.

A lot of stuff I did was on the lines of putting letters in book bags, sorting out the reading books, taking down displays which is pretty mundane.

Unfortunately, confidentiality clauses are not always adhered to.

As a nurse, I have heard a significant amount of staff gossiping, 'discussing' patients, relatives or each other. Five years ago, Some quite senior nurses from a former ward I was attached to as a CPN would 'amuse' themselves during slow bank holiday shifts (on psych units/rehab units it can be pretty deserted and quiet) by accessing the records of acquaintances, former school friends, the family of new partners etc both via the online system and actually going down to the records dept which wasn't manned on Sundays......

There are some (more than you probably think) people working with sensitive information or working with other people who do not have a problem with discussing patients/relatives/staff members with spouses etc when they return home. Withholding a name is seen as adequate in the 'protection of confidentiality' or they might change some details about the person or incident in question. It is not.

So not unrealistic of the OP to want to protect her privacy if there is a parent working in school with objectional personality traits or simply a person whom you wish to be excluded from private information about your child or family circumstances. There are parent helpers who will not be able to resist disclosing, say, the fact that you have told the school teacher that your marriage is rocky and to please be aware of this regarding the child's behaviour in school.

People do gossip. Some cannot help themselves and in attacking the OP, stating that she is projecting her 'horrid' traits onto all these innocent helpers shows an astonishingly naive, defensive and blinkered knowledge of human nature by some MNers.

Yes mignonette, I was a nurse and know exactly what you are talking about.

I think the op has been scared off by the vitriol here.

Because horrible people don't exist and the OP must be paranoid

Thank you rubberglove. I was expecting posts along the lines of 'Your experience is totally atypical' so although it is sad that you too have observed this, at least it illustrates the point.

OP you are not paranoid. Can MNers really say they have never met a parent helper that they'd prefer not to have access to details of private family life?

Can they truly say that the gossipy playground clusters have never contained or 'spawned' some parent helpers?

Schools functioned for a long time before meddlesome busybodies parent helpers were on the scene.

Viviennemary - .....

I don't doubt that thy exist - that gossipy negative people exist. I just struggle slightly with the idea that they are so usual that one must assume that all volunteers are cut from that cloth and avoid them.

I spend my life experiencing people who are total tossers about my sons SN. I don't go into the world assuming people will treat him badly. That would make me a bitter, negative and judgemental person

1stly the PTA busybodies will slate your post,they never hear a word against PTA wags

if you feel you child confidentiality is compromised meet school,be specific about your concerns. concrete examples if applicable

is this based on an actual event or perceived breach of confidentiality

"I'm sure most of us are aware that some Mums can be a little prone to nasty gossiping and bullying behaviour towards other Mums...."

I'm afraid you lost me there, op.