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how the heck do you get your LO to school on time.....

187 replies

babymutha · 15/08/2012 20:51

dd will enter reception on Sept 12th. We were late for pre-school virtually every day, whether I got up at 6, 7 or 8am. DD v strong willed, won't dress herself unless she feels like it, won't let me brush her hair, takes 30-45 mins to eat a bowl of cornflakes, sits of toilet without weeing or pooing for AGES and then walks at the speed she feels like (although I have managed to enlist tree fu tom big world magic and a scooter to speed her along, so that is the least stressful bit of our journey). I don't want to spend every day YELLING at my child. Please give me your wisdom......

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Gumby · 15/09/2012 10:47

Until DS was about 6, I dressed him, spoon fed him

Literally???!!!! Shock

CockyPants · 15/09/2012 10:57

What is so wrong about being a shouty mum, for gawds sake? It doesn't mean you hate your kids. All this being Naice to the kiddies and being best fwends forever makes me want to barf.
You're the parent so act like it. And yup it does involve shouting and the naughty spot. It's called discipline.

bluebird68 · 15/09/2012 13:55

there's nothing wrong with being a shouty mum, and mums who don't shout are not necessarily lacking in discipline skills. I have shouted at my kids over the years but am generally a quiet soul who couldn't face shouting at them every school day morning, all morning, it doesn't work for me. Love poster earlier who said her child called it 'mum being serious'.

WilfSell · 15/09/2012 14:03

I have driven DS2 to school in pjs before. He got changed in the car pretty sharpish when we got there though.

Wot everyone else says. Clear timetable, agreed beforehand when everything is calm. Better here when everyone is dressed before breakfast but i understand the thing about messy eaters. TBH I just tell DS2 the messiest, to leave his jumper off and if he spills, jumper just goes over the top Blush

Like others, no playing until everything else is done. I want them all with shoes on, teethbrushed, fully dressed, bags packed before I allow anything else. I'm a morning nazi, though, with three wild boys, i have to be.

Still doesn't always go to plan, but mostly when DH and i have lost it. If we don't get enough done the night before, things go awry. Currently battling with teenage DS who insists on showering for 45 mins every morning, then sitting in his room listening to the radio rather than doing useful things like, er, remembering the three Urgent and Important things he needs that he inevitably remembers 5 mins before he leaves Hmm. Last Friday we all had to leave at 8.30; at 8.25 while I was rushing to do last of packed lunches he announced he needed a 60 quid cheque for a sports club, a music contract signing today, oh and could I just move so he could boil water to soften his new gum shield for rugby. It went off big style in our kitchen as I'm sure you can imagine.

WilfSell · 15/09/2012 14:06

I also have 5 sets of uniform for the younger two, and if I'm organised I put them all on a hanger for each day, with a pair of socks/pants stuffed in the neck, hung up in their room where they can see them and ideally get dressed when straight out of bed.

That's why I will be ironing and hanging all this Sat afternoon. Whoopee. It does save aggro later though.

WilfSell · 15/09/2012 14:16

Oh bloody hell and grrrrr at the poster who said 'this all sounds like boot camp and not a loving family home'. Get over yerself missus. If you have compliant, docile children who do whatever you ask, well bloody done. I imagine you will find they change somewhat as they age and find it just as challenging as the rest of us, and having a firm routine is absolutely NO comment on how loving a home is.

Most of us parent the way we do because we have no choice because our children's personalities and experiences make em that way. You gain no moral medals for not being a shouter; equally, being firm and disciplined in order to get 3 high spirited children out of the door is not a moral fail either.

happynappies · 15/09/2012 15:37

Here here Wilfsell, think my house is more boot camp atm, but needs must with three under six and another on he way very soon, organisation is key, but I still love my children Grin

racingheart · 15/09/2012 16:25

I agree with Wilf that our children's personalities go a long way to dictating the kind of parents we are or have to become. One biddable little DD is a far cry from half a bus load of all ages, or even just two very strong-willed DSs, IMO.

picturesinthefirelight · 15/09/2012 16:47

I skim read the last half of the posts but some good ideas

We had this problem with ds when he started school but bring Kate was not an option because I refused to let his older sister be Kate because of him

One day when he refused to get dressed I picked him up and carried him to the car in his pj's. He sobbed all the way to school about how he would be laughed at ( he didn't know I had his clothes in a bag). Never did that again

Then the problem became he messed about during breakfast so didn't have time to dress. So I made a rule that no one comes down for breakfast until they are dressed to shoes (is the poster who uses the timer a flyladyer)

If they run out of time to eat - tough- I did warn his teacher about this once do she could make sure he had his break snack. I think it's important to carry through threats & get you child's teacher on side if you are having problems.

picturesinthefirelight · 15/09/2012 16:49

The messy eater problem is solved by them popping a dressing gown on over their uniform.

CrunchyFrog · 15/09/2012 16:57

I have 3, we are never late. We get up 45 minutes before leaving the house.

We also walk, 15 mins to school then a further 15 mins to nursery.

I don't yell very often

It's taken a couple of years though - DC1 is 9, 2 is 7 and the youngest is 3.8.

It's all very prosaic. Uniforms are laid out ready, down to pants and socks. Bags packed. Breakfast ready on table (they have to fetch the milk out) so they have breakfast while I'm in the shower. No telly, or anything else. If they haven't had breakfast/ teeth/ hair/ whatever done by 8.30, then it doesn't get done.

In practice we often have time to walk the long way round by the beach, if it's a nice day.

DS1 (who has ASD) has a visual schedule for the morning, which has worked beautifully for him (before it, he would get dressed without taking PJs off etc, sequencing problems.) I think they work well for most kids, if you adapt them. I believe giving them a bit of independence and responsibility goes a long way!

Or maybe the kids have just realised that it's not a good idea to piss mummy off in the mornings. Grin

ReallyTired · 15/09/2012 17:09

I have a friend with nine kids and she manages to get them ALL on time to their various schools, nurseries and college.

I have two and we find that routine and keeping an eye on the clock works for us.

8.00am get up
8.05 breakfast
8.25 get washed and dressed
8.45 leave for school.

We find it helps to get book bags and clothes ready the night before. The children have their main bath at night and washing in the morning is a matter of cleaning teeth and washing their faces, hands and doing hair.

As children get older they under stand that they need to leave the house by a particular time. Admitally there are very few children below year 2 who can tell the time. I found that cooker timers were great.

babymutha, if your daughter mucks about with dressing or hair brushing then I think you need to punish her. I make my daughter sit on the naughty step if she messes about and she is three year old. It may well be that you have to get up earlier to factor in time on the naughty step. Rewards of videos can be good as well if your child is ready quickly.

racingheart · 15/09/2012 18:09

Pictures - I got the timer idea from flylady. It works. For everything. They tidy their rooms in 5 mins. They'll hoover, even, for 5 mins. We do every and anything for 5 mins. They love it. Flylady was a sanity saver in our house.

picturesinthefirelight · 15/09/2012 18:25

Have you downloaded the students(school kids) control journal. I did and unamericanised it and it's works great. They are 8&10 now

ImaginateMum · 15/09/2012 19:02

Night before - do NOT go to bed until all uniforms are out, book bags ready and by door, drink bottles filled, washing machine on, dishwasher on

6:00 am I get up and shower, get dressed
6:30 Wake kids and go to prepare breakfast, hang out washing, put away dishes etc
6:45 Make sure kids are down and eating
7:15 Send kids up for teeth, hair, etc
7:25 Put shoes, coats, etc on
7:30 Leave

I then have 50 minutes to do a journey which is a 35 minute walk or 15 minute bus ride. This gives us time to go slowly and enjoy ourselves.

Kids handed to childminder at 8:20 am for finally walk to school and I go to work.

kate2mum · 15/09/2012 19:16

I had a eureka moment at the beginning of this term, with DD starting reception and DS at 11 still a nightmare in the morning.

Clothes are at bottom of bed, no one leaves their room until dressed, then teeth. Then downstairs for breakfast. No one goes back up.

DS was always a messy eater so I let him eat in PJs for 6 years. What a mistake! Going back upstairs adds at least another 20 minutes to routine.

Twice this term he has come down with toothpaste on his shirt and then split hot chocolate on same. Oddly,having to wear these clothes all day he is a far more careful eater now.

I wish I had done this five years ago!

ImaginateMum · 15/09/2012 23:11

Should add, you can put the uniform together as it comes from the wash. I hang uniform sets all on one hanger, so actually (Saturday night) the uniform is prepared until Wednesday...

ChazsGoldAttitude · 16/09/2012 00:14

My children get dressed after bfast because they wake up hungry and it stops uniform disasters. Packed lunches get made the night before, bags are packed as well. I lay out all the clothes inc my own the night before too with the socks and underwear on top as they go on first. I aim to leave 5 mins earlier than needed to catch the train that gets us there a bit early, the next train gets us there on time and the one after that after going in time but before they would be marked late.

Our morning goes like this
6.30 - I get up shower, dress, pack the lunches in their bags
7.00 - put breakfast on the table and turn the lights on the children's rooms
7.05 - children asked to get up
7.10 - children told to get up if not already up Wink
7.10 - breakfast (10 min sandtimer started)
7.20 - finish breakfast children go and wash etc
7.25 - children dress with DH's help (10 min timer again)
7.35 - last minute faffing (5 min timer)
7.40 - leave

mathanxiety · 16/09/2012 00:38

Don't cry if your small child tells you you're a bad mother. They don't mean it. They love you to bits. It's something to smile at, not cry.

I have worn out a multitude of kitchen timers over the years. They are a mother's best friend for getting DCs out in the morning, getting homework and studying done, getting bedrooms tidied, getting showers over with in a reasonable time. You name it, a timer can help you get it accomplished.

I made the messy eaters wear bibs.

If you make dressing part of the 'leaving your room looking neat' routine then dressing isn't all there is to the business and the temptation to dawdle there can be diminished a little. Dressing can be merely the first part of a longer process. The rest could involve pulling up the bedclothes and putting the jammies under the pillow, with bidding adieu to any lovies or stuffed animals the last part of it. Everyone knows favourite animals like their room to be neat while they wait there.

Or you could alternate tasks -- DC puts on undies and shirt, you put on pinafore or trousers, DC puts on socks, you help with shoes. If front/back, left/right are issues, mark the front and the left. I put a dot of nail polish on one DD's left big toenail to match the big dot in her left shoe. The reason to mark the front (maybe sew a coloured button or bit of tape inside a shirt) is because they can see the front if they are doing it right.

You also have to break down the tasks into manageable components for the very young.
'Get dressed' may be daunting. 'Put on your shirt', 'Button the buttons, starting at the bottom', 'Now put on your pinafore' may be easier to approach.

Be clear exactly what you mean. Give one instruction at a time. Don't remind or plead - use the timer and give attention to actions that move you in the right direction.

Don't give the dawdling any attention. When you see her doing what she should be doing remark on her co-operation and any other good things you see about what she is doing. 'I like the way you got the right buttons in their buttonholes'/ 'I like the way you got your shoes on so quickly, and on the right feet too'/ 'I like the way you were so quick and neat on the loo this morning'.

You have to get into a very strict and invariable routine to combat dawdling. You have to be ready yourself to leave as soon as she is ready.

I have a specific spot where all the bags, shoes, boots and gear go last thing at night.

You should have her live with the consequences of not co-operating. But make sure it is her fault and not yours that she is late, unbrushed, dressed in PJs, arriving without breakfast etc.

(I would actually prefer to have someone eat a banana or oatmeal biscuit on the way than go without breakfast.)

totallypearshaped · 16/09/2012 00:53

Get ready totally before you wake them - leave them 40 mins from wake up to walking out the door.
Have everything packed the night before. lunches made and in the fridge etc
Give a choice of two outfits, the night before and lay out the one she chooses / or uniform.

Never shout - whisper. Scares the life out of them, and they really do start to listen.

Have alarms go off every 10 minutes.
10 for dressing, and loo
10 for breakfast - choice of X or Y
10 for checking bag, packing lunch, and having hair done / chat / cuddle
10 for shoes and coat.
And leave.

No shouting and be polite, have the alarms go off and then just go and if they haven't finished breakfast, tough, and if they're not dressed, tough.
They'll learn.

Viviennemary · 16/09/2012 09:20

I think the only way to do it is in sections. Up by a certain time. Breakfast by a certain time washed teeth cleaned by a certain time and so on. My DD was painfully slow and dressing herself. Shoes took ten minutes. One day I lost it and said right out the door we're going shoes on or not. She was yelling but I insisted. Not recommended but I think it was a bit better from then on. Was I cruel?

MarysBeard · 16/09/2012 11:18

Yeah, that's what I do Viviennemary. DD1's alarm goes off at 7.20am to allow her time to come to, faff around a bit etc. DD2 is usually up first anyway. Must be dressed and sitting down to brekkie preferably by 8, but 8.15 at the latest. Get all the bits ready & near the door. Aim to leave by 8.30 am, which means 8.35 as it allows for faffing getting out of the door, 8.40 at the outside which means we would still be just on time.

Sidebar · 16/09/2012 12:15

Those of you who advocate getting completely ready yourselves before waking the children up - does that mean you've eaten breakfast too?

I can get my 2 out the door on time, just, but 9/10 I've had nothing but a cup of coffee!

DC1 is 7 and a complete dawdler. Without shouting a regimented routine she would be still be in the bathroom half an hour after school started, toothbrush in hand, making up a song and dance routine about the eqyptians.

Sidebar · 16/09/2012 12:16

And my big tip is being dressed before breakfast. Saves a LOT of time.

TapselteerieO · 16/09/2012 14:19

Always get children dressed as soon as they get up and absolutely get dressed before them & have your breakfast as early as you can face it (I don't usually sit down, but have a cup of tea/slice of toast when I am in the kitchen). If you wait to get them dressed then they dawdle over breakfast it is just a recipe for shouting. We never have any distractions, i.e no t.v in the morning, I give them five minute warnings - so I wake them and say in 5 mins it is time to get dressed & go to the toilet. Breakfast started and when it is time I give them a five minute warning to say it is time to go and get your teeth cleaned/faces washed, they get a 5 min warning for when they need to get ready to leave for school too i.e shoes/coats/bags.

It works, they are never late though it has been close. Make sure they go to bed at a reasonable time & actually get them to sleep too (dd reads until late sometimes and that sets her back in the morning).

Sometimes I shout, it works but isn't pleasant for any of us.