how the heck do you get your LO to school on time.....

[babymutha]

dd will enter reception on Sept 12th. We were late for pre-school virtually every day, whether I got up at 6, 7 or 8am. DD v strong willed, won't dress herself unless she feels like it, won't let me brush her hair, takes 30-45 mins to eat a bowl of cornflakes, sits of toilet without weeing or pooing for AGES and then walks at the speed she feels like (although I have managed to enlist tree fu tom big world magic and a scooter to speed her along, so that is the least stressful bit of our journey). I don't want to spend every day YELLING at my child. Please give me your wisdom......

If you get up at 6.00 am it should be plenty of time. DW had to start DS in Reception having just had DD - it made it difficult but she was never late (and still to this day the DCs only have one 'late' on their records and that's when I took them ;-(.....). What she has always done is factor in at least five if not ten minutes of dangling around time to the actual school run (which is a 30 minute walk) which has often been used up by DD stopping in her tracks because her brother has upset her!!!!

Really it is possible and start with the attitude that it can be done and you will soon get into the swing of it....but you do need to ensure that you get all the 'must do' things done the night before to give yourself extra flexibility and time to concentrate on chivvying....

I know that I will likely be a lone voice here.. But it isn't a choice for me if they will get dressed. Nor will I have a game or a reward system for them.

It is pretty simple we leave at x time if your not ready then you get to go to school in your pjs/. Yes I have taken them and Yes I would carry a screaming kid into the school in their pjs if they needed to have this done. In reality they have all hurriedly got dressed in the car park and we haven't needed to deal with it again. It is about them realising you will carry out your stated consequences if they are not following your rules.

I am their parent not their cheerleader. I put up clear expectations. I speak through with them. This list has to be done before x time. If you all/both (I have 4 but 2 are now in 2ndary) have this done before that time you get to do something you feel like before we go (usually computer or tv) I accept that can be argued a reward system I do not view it this way as I do not allow them to accumulate this up to make a big thing.

I am all for rewarding good behaviour but I see a difference between good behaviour and expected behaviour. For me expected behaviour is things like getting dressed, brushing their teeth, eating breakfast. If she cant manage to do this set a timer. Once that timer goes off take breakfast away she will not go hungry the next day she will have learnt mummy is in charge and means business. Praise her on the way to school if she has done it all but no I would not give rewards for getting ready on time she HAS to do so. Just like they HAVE to have their seatbelts on in the car.

I know it sounds harsh but be her parent here not her friend. Make a list talk her through it. If you wish then make one of those charts where she has to move "uniform" tooth brush , breakfast and hair brushing. You can have that as her goal to get done. I would not however give anything further than a well done you managed I feel really happy you have done so. As if you start giving treats for these every day things then what you do is you bargain with her. You teach her she has power to decide if she wishes to go to school. It is a non negotiable She has to go to school and the only way to ensure it happens is to ensure you give her clear guidelines and then stick with that.

I dont think any parent wishes to yell at their children.In this case I would talk her through what will happen every morning and then take a hard line for the first month. Once that has happened things will run much smoother. But in this one I really will say take charge and dont allow her to feel she can be in charge.

Night before - pack pram with anything I will need for the following day. Make older 3 DC's check their bags and pack whatever they need. Including PE kits/footy kit/swimming stuff/homework/tennis kit etc.

Get DC's to make a neat pile of their uniform for the next day on top of the sofa.

6.45 get up with DS3 (toddler). Slap his breakfast ib front of him. Sit and collect my thoughts and have a red bull till 7am. Get older 3 DC's up. They get their breakfast, MUST be finished by 7.30, if they're not done, they go hungry.

7.30, I brush DS2's teeth and clean his face (muscle probs not capable of doing it himself properly yet). Meanwhile DD getting ready in upstairs bathroom and DS1 getting ready in downstairs bathroom.

'Ready' means teeth brushed, washed face and pits, deodorant on, and fully dressed including clean undies and socks.

All 3 older DC's HAVE to be 'ready' by 7.45. Screen privileges are dependant on them meeting this time each day. Not ready on time means no screen time for the day.

If they forgot anything the previous night, they are NOT allowed to go and get it after 8am, and have to suffer the consequences at school. If that is a detention for no kit or not handing homework in on time, so be it.

7.45-8am I get ready. I can sort waist length hair, fully washed, deodoranted, perfumed, full face of make-up and be fully dressed in 15 mins now.

8am DD leaves for Secondary school. 8am-8.10 I get DS3 cleaned, dressed and ready to leave.

8.10 out of the door to get to bus stop for 8.15. I CANNOT miss the bus. And I DO get shouty on occasions.

Oh, and we have a no kids TV before school rule. Kids TV time can only be earnt, not assumed as a given. At least that is the case once they are in pre-school.

Only late 3 times a year on average - ALL because the bus was late, despite me being at the bus stop on time.

By the way, when I taught in reception there were always one or two children who would turn up without knickers or pants (I only knew on PE days). I just assumed they dressed themselves and forgot. It was never a problem! There were far worse things to worry about!!

Frika I don't think what you've said sounds harsh, its similar to what I said.

I don't reward her for doing things she is capable of doing especially when she is given a great big time slot to do it in. I tend to punish if she doesn't do these things, (which has only happened twice in 2 years) and that works for us.

I do take the attitude if you haven't eaten your breakfast in the allotted time, fine no skin off my nose, you will eat faster tomorrow. There is no tv in the morning before school and fine if you want to play with toys but you better be fully ready, with does on and bag in hand. Also we do not drag our feet and faff around or I will drag you.

I don't know if the harder attitude comes from having to get multiple children out the door and get to work straight after so really not having time for delays or if I've always had it but at 4 years old you are capable of getting ready in under 30 mins so there are no excuses for not doing that, well not in our house anyway.

Yes, I totally agree. Rewarding good behaviour is one thing, but I expect a school age child to understand if you don't finish your breakfast by x time you don't eat etc.

I have taken dd to nursery once in her pjs and ds1 with no socks on. After that they understood I was leaving at 8:15 and there was no exception to that rule.

Also, getting yourself up half an hour or do earlier than DCs was the key for me, by the time they got up I was showered and dressed for work so one less person to get ready. Plus I'd already had coffee so in a much better mood

And just when you've mastered the art, don't do what I did and have another baby, who WILL poo in giant, satisfying, technicolour splendour just as you triumphantly close the front door...

@ lancelottie why do they do that?
don't know how i'll get 2 dcs to school, dd to a CM and me to work when i go back! At th moment me and baby get our coffee,breakfast etc after the school run. think we'll be using breakfast club a lot more!

I get up earlier and make sure all 'bits' are assembled and breakfast ready.

Then I use the kitchen timer.
'Ding' come down for breakfast (dressed/hair brushed)
'Ding' breakfast over (taken off the table mid bite if necessary)
'Ding' come down NOW - Nobody needs 10 minutes to brush their teeth for heavens sake!!!!!!
'Ding' you've earned 10 minutes of TV because we've the time for it or 'Ding' get out the door you've faffed too much for TV.

Frika i am with you.
I will not reward for getting dressed etc.
Lancelotte oh how true it is about babies filling nappies as everyone is about to get in the car

I'm another with Frika. Getting dressed, fed and ready for school is not fun, nor is it clever. It's not worth any reward other than mum being happy and thus being nice to know on the way to school. A game might be OK for the first couple of days, as an ease in from the holidays, but after that, it's just what's expected.

We went down the 'routine with timings' route - 5 minute warning followed by final instruction for all the key things (1. down to breakfast, 2. fully dressed, 3. shoes and coat on). Sceen time has always been strictly limited, definitely none in the morning before school.

A couple of things that might help:

• Get yourself absolutely ready before getting children up. If all you have to do is put your coat on, then you can focus on moving the children forward while they are getting ready. Same for having everything ready to go by the door.

• Have fixed times for doing things - e.g. breakfast is available from 7.45 - 8 am, 8 am is for cleaning teeth etc and support those with reminders and an alarm clock.

• Give 5 minute warnings of changes of activity, rather than expecting a child to do something immediately with no warning.

• Do EVERYTHING in a communal area, as 'boring for children' as possible. So have uniform set out in the kitchen or near the breakfast table or whatever, in the same room as you. Do teeth at the kitchen sink. Eat breakfast all together, at the table. Don't have a TV or games or toys or books in the same room - nothing to distract them from the main task!

• Model the behaviour you want, and initially prrovide help and support rather than expecting your child to do something on their own immediately. Eat your own breakfast promtply, at the table, without distraction, as you are asking them to. Put your shoes on when they put theirs on. Alternate the child putting on one item of clothing, with you helping them with the next.

• Tell, don't ask. You are the adult. If your child don't want you to brush their hair, they get a choice of order 'do you want to do your teeth first, or me to do your hair first?' but no choice for you not to brush their hair. I do get the impression from the OP that the child is more in charge than the adult. Be calm, but make it absolutely clear who is in charge - if you have to hold her to brush her hair and she shouts and screams, just say calmly that she has chosen that because she would not let you brush her hair properly. If she refuses to finish her breakfast quickly enough, take it away and wash up the bowl, calmly saying that it is a shame that she has chosen not to eat her breakfast properly, as she will be hungry at break time. If she doesn't get herself dressed, dress her, and explain that it is less comfortable because she chose not to dress herself. If she chooses not to wee, take her off the toilet and take her to school. If she needs to wee on the way, hurry her to school rush her into school and say it's a shame that she chose not to wee at home etc etc.

• Leave the house at the set time regardless of how ready the child is (having given suitable warnings), taking with you anything they have not yet put on or eaten (e.g. an extra snack if not enough breakfast, their shoes or coat if they haven't put them on yet). Allow a moment shortly after leaving the house to e.g. get dressed, put shoes on etc. If there is continued refusal, just take them to school like that.

-Enlist the support of the school. If the reception teacher is primed to tell your child how silly they are to have not eaten their breakfast, or how important it is to get dressed quickly, then you may be able to solve the problem by working together. You may even be able to get the scary 'signing in late' lady to do a 'pre-emptive strike' - ie to talk to your child about how bad it is to be late rather than wait until you ARE late.

I leave the house at 7.15 with 2 children. They are well-trained, and we are never late. We had the fights about it many years ago, when they were 2.5 or less and going out to playgroup or pre-school, so we don't have the fihts now....

Give plenty of count down warnings, then take them out the house as they are. Works every time ime.
dd can get ready in under 5 mins when she see's me gathering uniform together in a carrier bag.
Mind you, dd has got dressed in the school car park when she decides to call my bluff!

Also, can you arrange to meet a friend along the way? Or have a friend call for you at a certain time?

oh, just realised I could have written

ditto teacherwith2kids.

Will read thread properly in future. Sorry!

I'm also with the hard arse crew.

Get yourself ready first.

I would treat her like a toddler until she started getting better.
Get her physically dressed YOURSELF, brush her teeth and hair etc.
Breakfast -allow 15 minutes. End of. She will soon learn to eat quicker. Plus they have fruit for break anyway.
No tv until coat on, bags ready etc.
If she dawdles I would put her on the scooter or threaten her to go back in the buggy. Do you have any mates you could walk with? We walk in with the children and parents from around us most days and it makes them go real quick.

In your case I would get your DD dressed for the first week. She needs to be able to do this for herself and will need to un/dress herself for PE. I would also have a a contingency breakfast that she could eat on the way if necessary.

I think it is right to have an expectation of behaviour but don't think the first week of Reception is the time to turn into a badass. Could you start with a night time routine where she gets into PJs herself? You could then start a morning routine before she starts school.

I get everything ready the night before and keep to the same routine.

• Prepare lunch - I do this at teatime the night before. I wash bag and re-pack it whilst DS is having a snack at the kitchen table
• Bookbags - put by the door as soon as homework has been done
• Set out clothes - living room works for us

In the morning - bathroom, breakfast then get dressed, 10 mins of TV if time. DS liked to play at school before the doors opened. I gave him warnings; if he had to go straight in due to shenanigans = (shrug).

I get up first and used to get completely ready before DS woke up; we both get ready at the same time now. At first I got him out of bed 45 mins earlier than he does now and was like a marine sergeant. It takes 40 mins from waking up to getting out of the door and we time everything around that.

I would rather he got dressed upstairs before breakfast but he would mess up his uniform. I see how we go after the first few weeks in Y1.

Or put her to bed in her uniform...ds2 fell asleep in his one night, the next morning was super easy

Reading back, I think Frika's method is harsh. I really do.

I wouldn't dream of using a timer for their breakfast. they are people who might eat a bit slowly sometimes, or even all the time - that's Ok. I am teaching them that they are ok as they are, and there is room for them to grow into adult expectations.

They are trying their best and their intentions are good. I do not set it up to be a conflict - we are in it together.

Yes I get stroppy sometimes, I'm not perfect. But generally they want to go to school, I want them to, and we work together to achieve this.

I also give them the choice and the responsibility. If there is a conflict I say, well, if you want to go to school we need to get your shoes on. Do you want to go to school? The answer is almost invariably yes, so I help with the shoes and we have a little talk about it, as in, come on, I'll get you a snack for break time if you hurry up.

I don't think you need to have very fixed and hard rules. I think you need cooperation and that's often best achieved if you work with their needs as well as expecting them to understand yours.

I can't believe that anyone would actually take their dc to school in clothes they have slept in

Well dropdeadfred don't you thnk that it's better for them to learn through a short sharp shock and a bit of humiliation...than to allow them to be lazy and feckless?

Fivemmonths If many of us ask our DC if they "want to go to school" then they'll invariably say NO!

ncfornow -I doubt really believed in eitherof those. Just get yourself completely ready then assist a child to get ready us my method. We have never been late

That is the method that works with your children, Fred.

It worked with DS1.
It did not work with DS2 or DD.

However, we have never been late and they have never actually turned up at school in their PJs. Yet.

Hi babymutha, your DD sounds a lot like mine, who is also starting Reception in September. Getting her to pre-school on time was often a struggle involving lots of yelling, a banana on the way and me sprinting the last bit with her on my hip.

It was her refusing to get dressed that usually did for us. Two games that worked for us were having a silly race with daddy to get dressed first with him tripping over his socks etc so she could win. Or, if he'd gone too early, then several rounds of "there's no way DD can get her on in the time it takes me to , absolutely no chance", "nooooo I don't believe it, someone must have helped you" check under bed etc.

I've found that getting dressed first helps as it marks the day out as a school day right from the start (DD rarely eats more than a few spoonfuls of cereal for breakfast isn't a messy eater thankfully) so no lounging around in pyjamas. Plus it means you don't waste time over breakfast that you subsequently wish you hadn't when they're still naked and you needed to leave for school five minutes ago.

Ages ago I stumbled across an Australian blog where a mum had got her child to take photos of the clock and the required task (eg bowl of cereal) and they'd made a chart for her child to follow by himself and I'm thinking of trying that if we have trouble again in September.

Fingers crossed for our stubborn DDs!