Cop-out or Sensible decision to send a 7+ DC to board at RAAS this September?

[notavoicelikeShirleyBasseys]

Apologies if you have come across this in another section, I thought it out afterwards that his section might suit this topic best.
Just to add that after visiting the school, DC loved it and looking forward to it. Have days left to make up my mind and take the plunge. Alternative is struggle through and leave DC in day school with always-changing childcare arrangements(-;

The school is state-boarding Royal Alexandra and Albert in Gatton Park, Reigate.

7+DC? What do you mean - 7 children, or child/children older than 7?

Sorry, I think you are nuts to do it, either way.

DD is 7+ joining Year3. It will be weekly boarding if we do it - coming home every weekend. Surely, boarding can and does work out (?) and I would really like to hear from anyone with experience of this school or boarding at this or any school at this sort of age?.???????

I personally couldn't have done it and I'm not particularly soft.

I boarded from 8 and it was OK, but I always say that it is only acceptable if there are rock solid reasons that the child understands and agrees with. Without more details I'm pretty unconvinced in this case.

DH boarded from 7.

He is reasonably well-adjusted as an adult BUT remains very distant from his parents - he simply grew away from them through being in a different environment for so much of the time.

No way could i do it .

Why are child-care arrangements always changing? I think the consensus on boarding for under 13s at least is that it's generally not a good idea, and that's from the experts, child development people. Of course children survive but emotionally they lose out. So no, I wouldn't do it.

I think there may be a few other things to consider here.

Are there younger siblings who will remain in "normal" schooling whilst your dc is boarding ? Or is dc an only child?

I think you'd be mad tbh. My 8 yr old DS is just coming to the end of yr3 and is a very stoical, emotionally mature chap and he would in no way cope with boarding! He's just a little boy! And your DD is just a little girl! She might reasonably still have bad dreams in the night, cry when she falls out with a friend, want cuddles at bedtime! I would only do it out of necessity, not out of convenience. There has to be a strong possibility that boarding at 7 could be emotionally damaging permanently.

Of course the other thIng to consider is ..... I await an mn beating for this .... IF honelife would be less isolating or less emotionally supportive ...., just a thought. I have no idea as to OPs reasoning for thibkong of this

IphOne again! Sigh!

You want to send your young child to boarding school because you can't organise your work and childcare balance?

Do I think that's a good idea? No I do not.

It could be a good thing. stable, unchanging childcare,no more rushing hither an thither failing to fit in homework, great education. RASS has as good a cross section of society as you will find in a boarding school , better than many.

Do you live close enough to be able to get there for "specials" like sports day?
Will it be weekly boarding mon 9am - friday 3.30 , whats travel time to n from like?

I know farm kids who have boarded from that age as the commute to school was long and tricky and very hard to fit in with the needs of the farm stock. TBH if I'd remained in my pre kids career I'd have considered it too. Its kinda like summer camp but in term time.

I think boarding in year 3 is very young unless there is a real need to. How does your dd feel about it? Has she done a taster day/night? Ds is going to start doing ad hoc boarding in year 4 and will be full weekly boarding at some stage in year 5. He is going to be a chorister so has to weekly board once he's passed his probation (which seems to last 4 or 5 terms so no compulsory boarding before second term in year 5).

I'm looking forward to not having such complicated childcare arrangements, at least in term time, but for me it is an added benefit rather than a primary reason. I also wouldn't be doing it unless ds was as keen as he is to be a chorister. He can't wait to go and can't wait to board. He loved his taster day/night but of course it will be interesting to see what he thinks when he is doing it several times a week.

We live very close to the school so he knows that if he doesn't like it we are only a short drive away to come and see him.

I also think in terms of maturity ds is quite a different child now than he was at the start of year 3. Now I can see that he is ready to do some boarding but at the start of year 3 I wasn't at all sure.

If you choose boarding what happens if it doesn't work out? Ds knows his first year is very much a trial to see whether he likes it and there is always the choice to go back to his old school if he really doesn't like it.

The other thing I'd want to know is that there are a number of similar aged dcs who do weekly boarding. If all her friends go home at the end of the day then that will be difficult. I know with ds that he will be with a close knit group that will be there all the time he is, even though there will be day dcs in his class that go home.

I boarded at 11 and I did grow away from my family and, in particular, my sisters. I missed out on family life and never feel as close to two of them as they do to each other (although they are twins) but it got me away from a terrible home situation and was essential because we lived I'm Saudi Arabia. But, I would not send my own as, however wonderful the school, you will lose a part of them and they will grow away from you.

I boarded at 16 and that was too early for me .

Hell would have to freeze before I would consider sending my Y3 dd to live elsewhere. Dh boarded from 11 and has a distant relationship. Never lived at home again. My dm did it from 11 and never forgave or forget and she's now mid 70s.

Home life would have to be really chaotic (think ss) for this to be a good idea. And I speak as someone who has sent a primary school child away, and will be sending another, older dc away this September.
What about an au-pair, or different day school with wrap around care?

I have two 7 year olds and there is no way on this earth that I would break our bond by sending them away five nights a week. How would I know if someone is being mean to them? Who could possibly protect them from the bad things that inevitably happen out there, however tiny, better than me and DH? I would never trust a professional who hasn't loved and cared for my child since he or she was little to provide the vast majority of their care from such a young age.

Even considering sending a child aged 7 to board says a lot about your priorities and attitude to/knowledge of children's emotional attachment. Don't mean to be harsh, but I find the idea shocking.

To try and answer some of the questions raised here in one post.

1. DD is an only child.
2. Boarding is out of necessity not convenience - single now and been so practically all DD's life and managed the same career all the way - the pressure has racked up and last year I fell ill and still not quite off the hook, I think. Called paramedics via 999 in the middle of the night, they wanted to take me away on stretcher, feared heart condition borne out of sustained fatigue and stress, I refused to go to hospital as not to leave DD with alone the middle of the night. Paramedics stayed three hours to stabilise me (thank you Andy and team from Epsom General) before leaving since I refused to leave my DD or have her taken to hospital with me - let's face it, that decision might well have not been mine to make! Still working to give DD reasonable chance in life, just don't see her enough in the week as I drop her off at 7.30 am for breakfast club and collect her nigh on 6.30 pm most nights from the after-school club and sometimes even later! Well, child care varies on those occasions when I can't pick DD up at 6.30pm when the school club closes - that can be a real bummer as it depends on which local childminder, friend or other parent can help me out - see? Yes - there is a way out, I could simply leave work. Oh, I forgot, or she could board Monday-Friday and come home at weekend when I DON'T have to work and we can have oodles of QT. Now to my next point.
3. I live near-ish the school, and I can always attend if DD has a school production or event - I do it now, so that's old ground. Added pressure on one pair of shoulders, yes, but it gets done. Boarding DD should create a more balanced pattern for us both, ironically.
4. DD has not had a taster day but spent some time with current Y3 and Y5 boarders and is begging to go. I'm the one who's flaking - she thinks it will be great with all the activities on offer - great food choices, school space and grounds, horse-riding, pastoral care; she can take a phone, soft toys, dolls and see me during the week and definitely at weekends - there she is clamouring at the front door. Which is one hurdle down I suppose. Sure it will be different if doing it every night, but there is the weekend to look forward to, and visits during the week are also allowed. Happy (ish) middle ground. Still not sure though, that's why I posted!

I couldn't do it. Yr 3 is still so young ...

Why won't flexi boarding suit you?
Taken from their website:

... some of our pupils are 'Flexi Boarders' who stay for an extended day, often from before breakfast until after the evening meal. They spend their non-school time in the same houses as the boarding pupils so there is no 'them and us' between the two groups of children. They are at all times an integral part of the boarding school community, eating together, doing prep and taking part in intra and inter-house competitions, all of which are an essential components of Boarding School life. They sleep at School for between seven and ten nights each year and further nights may be available, according to demand and subject to availability

Flexi Boarding replaced 'day boarding' for new pupils from September 2011.

Even that's a pretty long day for a 7 yr old. (My yr 3 DS wouldn't have coped with those hours.) However, surely that would suit even the most unsocial working hours?

x posted!

Option to visit mid-week sounds good. Might help put your mind at rest.

If you went for it but felt it wasn't working, would you be able to change to flexi-boarding?

So DD wants to go for it. why not try it and see.
If your at Epsom your not very far away at all, but equally home is not in sight of RAAS.
If DD hates it you can reassess the boarding part, are you in one of their mini bus pick up areas? RAAS isn't prison, you don't sign your kid over to them for life. As far as I understand from kids at other boarding schools with day pupils, flexi boarding is a very attractive option to the day pupils who feel they miss out on the fun.

I'm not a celebrity and UniS flexi-boarding does sund like a good idea- I suppose I had only really considered the option that I though would work best for me.....will give the school a call tomorrow. So far they have been really attentive and patient. I know that if you want to switch fro boarding to day, the school emphasises that you would have to go on a long waiting list or leave altogether.