Cop-out or Sensible decision to send a 7+ DC to board at RAAS this September?

[notavoicelikeShirleyBasseys]

Apologies if you have come across this in another section, I thought it out afterwards that his section might suit this topic best.
Just to add that after visiting the school, DC loved it and looking forward to it. Have days left to make up my mind and take the plunge. Alternative is struggle through and leave DC in day school with always-changing childcare arrangements(-;

The school is state-boarding Royal Alexandra and Albert in Gatton Park, Reigate.

DH and his siblings all boarded from this age. DH is very pro-boarding from 13+ but would not countenance ours boarding so young.

He has little relationship with his parents, and no relationship with his siblings.

I boarded from 14, and loved it. I wanted to go. I have an excellent relationship with my parents and sister. (who didn't board). A friend of mine and her brother boarded from 7, and loved it. They both have brilliant relationships with their parents also.

I do think 7 is young, however I would be all for a trial board first. Your DD may say she wants to go - but does she know what is really involved? It's not always Enid Blyton :)

You won't know until you try - DD may love it or hate it and I think you should be led by that xx

The school has about 6-8 boarders DD's age, four of them joining this September. DD usually spends holidays and half term partly at home but usually with childcarers or family who step into this role. We are VERY VERY close nevertheless, and understand each other quite well really. DD is quite vocal and mature and if she was not even going to remotely like being away, you would never be reading my OP. She's a great child and great company and we are together all the time when I'm not working.

I have a professional career going back 20years - no, I probably couldn't fit so well into a career change now. My job is hectic because I work freelance, I work freelance because I'm a single mum, I'm a single mum because it happened that way, and I'm a mum because my DD CHOSE me-;)

School Wraparound care, childminders (loads) and au-pairs are all examples of the erratic childcare set-up that I'm trying to avoid, some of which I've experienced before like the au pair whose father was taken ill in Hungary suddenly, and she never returned or gave notice ........

FleetofHope Why bother having a child? I suppose you are a stay-at-home mum whose partner/husband brings you his pay packet, or you use the state benefits system and you're comfortable with that?? Nothing wring with that as there is nothing wrong with a mum who chooses to work? Variety is the spice of life, you will meet people in life whose journey is different to yours - - good luck when that enlightenment comes.

My DD will be fine in my opinion. The more I think about it and hear well-balanced views on here, the surer I become. Got to decide by today, though.

No way could I ever do it with a child so young. My dad and his two sisters went to boarding school at a similar age and it affected them all negatively, even now as they are all approaching old age.

Always keep in mind that if she doesn't like the reality of boarding you can always think again..

at 20 year professional career...
It doesn't matter, your daughter's well being does. You sounded open in your 2nd post, but tbh careers, problems around au-pairs and freelance, life on benefits etc. are secondary by a very long way to your relationship to her and her welfare. And if you think you're reading well balanced responses that support you decision to send her away, we're not reading the same thread.

Good luck with your decision. Will the school let her do a trial boarding? I think that may be the best option for her (and you). May well throw up some issues that show you she's too young for it. For any child I would have concerns about their emotional welfare boarding at this age.

She is 7 - she is NOT mature

Happygardening's sons have been to boarding in prep, hopefully she will come along with a view from someone who's done it. If you look up her thread she talks about her experience, which overall was a positive one.

I have a DD1 who is 7 and very mature, always been a lot older than her years, I have left her for up to 3 weeks with my mum and dad before in the holidays abroad....frankly though I think boarding full time would be a step too far, flexiboarding say 1 or 2 nights a week maybe - can you flex up if you need to?

If not, how about a nanny? It would be a lot cheaper albeit I understand that finding and managing the right person can be hard work sometimes......
Good luck with your decision...............

OP don't make assumptions about me because you don't like me saying a 7 year old should be at home with their mum! I have been a single mum, I know how hard it is. As it happens I am a highly trained professional with a big job which you might describe as "freelance" - that aspect of my job I use to maximise the time I spend with my children. If you want to pack your DD to board at 7 that's your look out, but don't pretend you want people's opinion on it if you don't.

Unfortunately I doubt the flexi boarding opportunity is an option - those places are hugely oversubscribed and will be based on distance from school. At your distance, boarding is the only option, just to get a space. Certainly the school is highly sought after, though obviously there are fewer boarders at that stage. Whether it is the best option for your child really depends on your child, and what the other options are.

Obviously the vast majority of children are from military families, so it will be easiest if you are pro military. They also do have children from a variety of difficult backgrounds, but as such are possibly better set up for boarding life than any other boarding schools. You will be able to tell if your child is not thriving, and can presumably move her if so.

The headmaster is like marmite - you either love him or hate him. I think another mumsnetter, mumoverseas has a dd boarding in the senior school, so it might be worth looking at posts from her. The flexi option does mean that lots of local children are around after school, so she definitely won't be lonely.

That said, I thought that they did do a relatively thorough boarding assessment before offering a place?

what are you going to do about the important things? reducing work and your health?

who will dd live with if you don't succeed in getting your lifestyle under control?

I think you have made your decision and are looking for validation but the reality is you are receiving little. I boarded from 11 as did my brothers. We are an incredibly close family. 7 is IMO far too young. How mature can a seven year old be seriously! My middle daughter is 8 and I couldn't imagine it. She is a bright independent little thing but still wants her mummy when things go wrong, is sometimes scared of the dark and sobs her little heart out when something really worries her. I would hate the thought of her bottling up her emotions. Life is about sacrafices whatever path you find yourself in. In your case it appears you aren't prepared to sacrafice anything it's your poor daughter. My husband and I both work full time. Childcare and holidays (shudder) are a nightmare. I constantly seek better solutions. Would I ever consider boarding at such a young age a solution, not in a million years.

particularly when she will be worrying about you and your health. maybe even as the solution is to send her away, blaming herself for your health issues.

not a healthy start to boarding.

i know many families who board their children from 7, however (forces families), and in circumstances where the parents have to work overseas, i understand the continuity of education decision.

i strongly believe it would be a mistake in your case.

as blue said, i suspect you are just seeking validation, however.

i hope it all works out for you. you will still need to think seriously about how your work and health can be sorted so that you are available for holidays. i'm just sad that you have decided that the priority in this situation is your work, not your child.

I am entirely sympathetic to you OP - you are doing what you can under the circumstances. However, at 7 a child is not, imo, mature enough to drive this decision. The other factor is that you are a single parent. Your dd has experienced loss in her life. Ask yourself deep down whether your daughter feels she is a burden to you (with the constant juggling of child care/health stress on you ) and wants to relieve you of this burden by saying she would like to board. Several other things to say but have to rush out!
Good luck with yoru decision

I think it is a shame that your dd hasn't had the opportunity for a trial. If it were me I'd be asking for this and I'm very surprised the school haven't suggested it. I'd br on the phone asking to arrange it this week. At least that way you'd k ow whether your opinion of dd liking it bears any relation to reality. Good luck.

If you are freelance then I'd also be looking at seeing if you could increase your term time hours to free up more time together in the holidays.

bisjo and Tgger she will get a taster day next week, but strangely, only after a commitment to the offer and payment of a deposit. I believe the school are trying to avoid prospective parents having the taster day "just to see" if it might work out. I understand from the school that taste days (and nights) take a lot of planning and can be disruptive to current orders, hence they are only prepared to offer it if a family commits, since the uninitiated will get to meet the current boarders and it will not have been in vain. I thought this was a very long-sighted view on the school's part, and very considerate - depends how you see it. On other hand, pity we can't just turn up and try it out..

Ladymuck (waves hello) - the school assessed DD and offered a her a place on the spot. She apparently told the Head that she'd had too many childminders and was looking forward to being in one place with the same people all the time, that is other than being at home. As you know, ive also considered day schools. Ive stressed to DD she can come BACK HOME ANYTIME. I'd be the first off the block to get her out of there if it didn't work, that is.

blue maybe seeking validation maybe not. I expected to be lambasted on here for this post, and I have been. But like oliverreed & previous posters suggested, maybe this is my best foot forward at this time. Likened to a committed goalkeeper, I am prepared to change position if I get a chance of a better shot, but I'm keeping my eye on the ball ALL the time, I mean ALL the time, and that ball is my DD's welfare. Boarding her short of her 8th birthday, and she is looking forward to going, mind you, (allowing for culture shock when she gets there, of course) does NOT mean I give up caring. Far from it, actually.

For example sometimes people may say single parent families don't work out well for children, but there are two-parent families that are sheer dens of evil (very general observation) - times have changed from the safe, nuclear family set-up in the good old days to the racy, manic, consummate present day - IMO there is no longer a typical family nor a typical situation that can be called workable from the get-go. So boarding v staying at home has got to be subjective planning, not objective, can we agree on this? I am adapting to what I view as my currently unworkable, unsustainable multiple-childminder situation to a more unitary arrangement which could work for an outgoing, confident and talkative 7-year old. I can just see her holding court within the dorm....well, let's lighten the mood a bit, it's not easy for me either. Btw, she just came over and kissed me on the forehead because I'm staring intently at my Ipad typing this post, and she probably thinks I'm working so she's trying to cheer me up! My lovely, lovely daughter-;)

Sorry for typos - 'taster days' and current 'boarders', and 'I've' !

An 'Apple' a day ruins it for me.......

I would almost always say no to boarding for such a young child but in your case I think it may be worth a try provided you are willing to take her out if she hates it.She is very very young to be away from home.

thegreylady Thank you.

I know I posted once - but I've been thinking about this.

I think you are out of your mind to put a 7 year old in boarding school because of work - priorities, wrong, muchly.

I just asked dh who went at 9, and professes to have enjoyed boarding school, if he would send ours ands it a resounding no from him.

I mean really, it must be horrendously expensive, can you no cut down on work?? Work after she is asleep, something, other than send her away.

She may well enjoy it after a time - but even so, as age gets older her time with you will get less as her weekends fill with her own social life.

I can well understand how they only allow a trial after try have a deposit - it's a nice little earner for them.

TheSecondComing I may sue the other parent but like any good plan, it could take some time to come to fruition..

EdithWeston Thank you.

I knew a guy who boarded from aged 7; he cried nightly for a whole term! I asked if he told his mum and he said no even though he loved her lots. That is just one example of course but personally I'd spend the money on a great nanny.

You still have the nightmare that is lengthy school holidays without childcare whilst you work. The money that it costs to send her away to boarding school would surely employ an excellent nanny? Either full time or an after school nanny. Completely different to adhoc childminders and unreliable au pairs. That would also provide some consistency throughout holiday periods. We have an excellent nanny 3 days a week which costs us £10 per hour. The children adore her, she prepares meals, helps them with homework with the bonus of us having to avoid wrap around care. I would have thought the 2 costs were comparable. It seems a massive leap to go from haphazard childcare to boarding school without exploring all other options. There are some excellent nanny agencies out there. For what it's worth I completely understand why you would want to continue working, I would also hate to give up my career.

Ignoring the for or against boarding arguements, you do realise there is Saturday morning school? I live locally so know families with day pupils there and even they feel the weekends are short. To make up for this there are longer holidays which presumably would cause some problems in your situation.