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Primary education

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Original poster

How serious is hitting in reception?

115 replies

maydaychild · 23/01/2012 17:28

DC is in reception with a boy who is nasty. He was nasty at pre school too. He isn't special needs.

Last week he hit a girl and pinched a boy.
Today he hit my DC and another boy.
I saw the boy and his parent being led into the classroom by teacher on Friday. I though 'oh good, it's being dealt with'.

But it clearly hasn't been. Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt but I am worried.

At what point should I and fellow parents kick up a stink?

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 23/01/2012 17:41
  1. School are dealing with it as best their can.
  1. You can't possibly know whether he has SN or not - he may well have it, yet it's not been diagnosed yet.
  1. You can only talk to school if your child is hurt.
  1. Getting together with other parents to 'kick up a stink' is downright awful. How would you feel if that was your boy?
  1. I would only talk to school if my child was hurt and concerned - and I would only talk about my child.
  1. What would you like to happen to this kid?
festi · 23/01/2012 17:55

so your ds got hit at school today. the rest is none of your buisness, did the school inform you? you are surmissing what they parents went into class for. and again its none of your buisness.

as for your question is it serious? I would say, if my dc was hit once no. if it was becoming a persistant problem for my dc then, possibly it could be serious if a) the injuries were serious and b) the school where not attempting to manage this. however you said your ds was ok so I would say no not serious.

festi · 23/01/2012 17:56

oh should say at no point should you and fellow parents kick up a stink

Dee03 · 23/01/2012 18:08

I agree, you can only go in and discuss your issues with regard to your child

DeWe · 23/01/2012 18:22

How would you know if he was special needs? He won't have it stamped on his forehead you know. Even if you've spoken to his parents they may be not telling for the fear of an outbreak of "I don't want my darling in a form with a boy that has THAT". Or he may not be diagnosed yet.
I was at school with a little boy whose mother was slowly dying from the after effects of meningitis. His behaviour was terrible and we didn't understand why he got away with what he did. It was only after she died it became obvious to us.

It is not your business to decide whether it is "serious". Agree with festi.

Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 18:26

Kick up a stick being a turn of phrase.
How many children need to be hit before its serious?
I think it's quite serious that my child has been hit twice since sept, others daily.

His mother says he doesn't have special needs.
Any other useful knowledge to impart, bearing in mind I am a first time school parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 18:28

My child told me about being hit.
So did a friends child in front of me.
Last week two children told their parent in front of me.
There is a nasty pattern developing.
What should school be doing?

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 23/01/2012 18:34

The school should be working with the child, and his parents. Which it sounds like they are doing.

School will not be able to tell you what they're doing.

daiawnti · 23/01/2012 18:41

Your child has been hit twice since September? TBH That's not loads. The school I can assure you will be trying their best, but behaviour takes time to change. Also his Mum may say he has SN but that does not mean that he doesn't have them. If you are that worried talk to the class teacher but only about your child!

If the child does have some behavioural issues then the school will be observing the child, and will have strategies in place for how to deal with the childs behaviour.

daiawnti · 23/01/2012 18:42

Also school will not be able to tell you the ins and outs of the child and what they are doing.

sittinginthesun · 23/01/2012 18:50

I know it's hard not to label a child, but you have to try.

When DS1 was in Reception, one boy was constantly being discussed as the naughty one, by my DS, by other children, by the mums. I didn't even know what he looked like, but heard loads about him kicking, hitting, pushing other children over, including DS.

The school and his mum worked with him, and he is now a smashing 7 year old. No behaviour problems at all.

Currently hearing similar stories about a child in this year's Reception group, from DS2. No doubt time will tell, but I'm certainly not worried about it at all, and neither should you be about the child in your son's class.

Moomoomie · 23/01/2012 18:57

You do not know he does not have any SEN. His mum may just be saying he doesn't .... Is it something you have discussed with her?
My 4 year old dd is in Reception and is " the naughty one" she does have SEN but all the other mums do not know this... It is not something I broadcast.
Just have a bit of patience and sympathy, you do not know what he has been through or is going through at home. These children are still only young and need a lot of support.
I would be very upset if people were talking about my dd like this, when we are working with the school and others to help.

BendyBob · 23/01/2012 18:59

You cannot be involved in other people's dc and the problems they may or may not be having with this child.

Your (understandable) concern is your own dc and highlighting any problems he alone is experiencing. The school do have a responsibility to do all they can to make sure none of the children are hurting each other and supervision should be adequate to meet that expectation.

The school should be (and probably are) aware of this child and his situation. They don't have to give you the details.

I can't see how you can know whether he has sn or not.

I wouldn't overly discuss this negatively all over the playground with fellow parents. It's not the way to go and will not reflect well on you. Deal directly with the school.

BackforGood · 23/01/2012 19:00

Excellent posts by IndigoBell.
maydaychild I suggest you put your self in the other parent's position for a few minutes, and try to look at this from a different angle. It's very hard being the parent of a hitter / biter / kicker.

Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:02

If I hadn't thought to mention special needs (or his apparent lack of), what would consensus be then?
I thought I should have been informed about DC being hit (I wasn't) and would I not been told what action had been taken with regards to the hitting of my child?

OP posts:
Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:03

Bendybob - hence I am on here discussing it!

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Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:08

Indigo you asked what I would like to happen to this kid?
Supervised at all times, punished to not have playtime if he hits etc
Ultimately expelled!
I haven't done this before! Of course I don't want him anywhere near my child.
Then there is being realistic. What can I expect? I have no idea how these situations progress. What if he really hurts someone next time?

OP posts:
mrz · 23/01/2012 19:13

Exactly the same

sittinginthesun · 23/01/2012 19:17

Mayday - the child you are talking about is in Reception! 4 or just turned 5 years old. You have absolutely no idea what is going on with this child, whether their are home problems, SNs...

The school are clearly dealing with it. I would not expect a blow by blow account of every incident that concerned my dc, unless it upset him or injured him or was repeated.

Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:17

I don't follow mrz?

OP posts:
mrz · 23/01/2012 19:17

maydaychild Mon 23-Jan-12 19:08:32

Indigo you asked what I would like to happen to this kid?
Supervised at all times, not likely to happen schools don't have the man power
punished to not have playtime if he hits etc time out more likely
Ultimately expelled! Very unlikely

Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt
which is why the school probably didn't mention it

Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:26

Sun, it has been repeated!
I get the feeling I do nothing, talk to no-one ?!
Shouldn't I make it official to school I am unhappy DC has been hit? Should they have told me?
You all are talking to me as if I am a seasoned school pro!
I know nothing!
So far I have gleaned from you all the school won't tell me about actions over other child (which is fine, I don't need to know what, just reassurance it is being dealt with)
I am grateful for the suggestions. But I feel I know nothing more now than when I first posted.
I've managed to offend half of you, get tied up in special needs etc.

So bottom line, hitting in reception isn't serious then?
I don't need to discuss that I am concerned and upset about my DC because there isn't any point?

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Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:30

Mrz, it seems he spends some of most days in time out!
I guess I want to see/hear school dealing with it better. .
Parent went in Friday.
Boy still hitting Monday.

OP posts:
PastSellByDate · 23/01/2012 19:35

maydaychild

I think what IndigoBell and others posting have said is fair - although I can understand that right now you're worried for your little boy and upset that there is a child in his Reception class that hits and pinches.

First of all - as my DH says when I freak out over our bruised and battered DDs - 'They very rarely kill each other.'

I know it's hard to be understanding - but this kind of behaviour usually means there is an underlying problem. It's a spectrum - it could be something innocent like a 4 year old who doesn't have the social skills to ask to play with people, so hits or pinches to get attention. It could be that he is witnessing hitting at home constantly - so doesn't realise it isn't appropriate behaviour. It could be that he does have some underlying behavioural problem.

He is just 4 - he could be an angry, confused little boy who's finding school an ordeal and working out how to fit in a nightmare. I know it's hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt when they've hurt your little boy - but he is only 4, he sincerely may not know better. He does deserve the chance to learn there is a better way of dealing with people.

I know it's really hard - but be gracious. Try and show support to the Mum concerned - she's probably dying inside waiting for her little boy to go into class and wondering what trouble he'll get into today. Wondering how many people can't stand her child? Wondering what she can do? She probably also had dreams that her little boy would enjoy school and make lots of friends - and is devastated it hasn't turned out that way.

Original poster
maydaychild · 23/01/2012 19:37

Thank you pastby
You're right.

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