How serious is hitting in reception?

[maydaychild]

DC is in reception with a boy who is nasty. He was nasty at pre school too. He isn't special needs.

Last week he hit a girl and pinched a boy.
Today he hit my DC and another boy.
I saw the boy and his parent being led into the classroom by teacher on Friday. I though 'oh good, it's being dealt with'.

But it clearly hasn't been. Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt but I am worried.

At what point should I and fellow parents kick up a stink?

'Parent went in Friday.
Boy still hitting Monday.'

He's 4 and obviously has some problem, who knows if it's SN or anger issues or just 'naughtiness'. Do you really think he will just stop doing it because his parents had a meeting with the teacher? It'll be ongoing.

You weren't told about your DS being hit because, as you said yourself, he wasn't bothered so it probably wasn't that serious.

You have years of this yet, choose your battles wisely.

I'm reading the replies to this with interest as my DD was frequently hit in reception by a boy in her class. She wasn't the only one either and at the end of the school year he broke another child's nose. Seemingly though this type of behaviour is 'accepted' due to whatever special circumstances are affecting this boy.
Now DD is in Yr 1 and been diagnosed with severe school anxiety. Last week the boy pushed DD over in the playground and repeatedly kicked her in the back until an adult intervened. The following day he 'strangled' her in the classroom. DS who is 4 and shares the same playground at lunchtimes has also been hit by this boy and is petrified by the sight of him. The school are 'working with the boy and his parents' but I'm seriously wondering how much more should DD (and DS/ the other children) have to put up with while they try to sort the problem!

I think there is a huge difference between being continually hit by the same child to being hit once and not being really bothered or hurt by it.

maydaychild, sometimes the hitters aren't as bad as the constantly-putting-others-downers. My ds has 2 boys like this in his class. He is now 6, and it has really hurt him. I'd almost rather he'd been hit, as this is a lot more obvious, and more often dealt with. It's parents who don't teach their kids that putting other people down is NOT acceptable who bother me. No-one ever gets expelled for that, but it's just as damaging, a lot meaner and a lot more difficult to pin down.

You are very naive if you think speaking to the parents on Friday will mean it stops by Monday!!! He obviously has an issue with this, and it's going to take some teaching/ training/ growing up. In the meantime the kids are probably not overly bothered as they know it's done in spite, or bullying behaviour, maybe just a reaction to someone taking something he wants or hitting out in frustration for some reason. If it's nasty, that's when you need to worry.

OP have you ever been and spend time in a classroom? If you have then you should realise that continual, constant watching of the child is not going to be possible. Also our school would not merkin that their child has been hit by another if the child was not overly bothered.

Ds was a "hitter" for a short while (about a month) in reception, and not just with his hands - on a couple of occasions he picked a (hard) toy up and clocked a child over the head with it

I was mortified - would far rather DS was hit himself (he has been) than the hitter.

It took about 3/4 weeks of concerted effort by both me and the staff at school to get his behaviour to settle down which it did and he hasn't had a problem since.

Now in year one there is a new boy who is the class hitter and I do feel for his mother as all the playground talk at one point was of this boy and how "bad" he was.

If your child isn't worried then don't stress about it. There will be bigger battles ahead - no doubt when its your DC that has the issue.

I think op you need firstly understand that your child will inevitably be hit by other children and probably more so in the first year of school. It is not very serious, at 4 children are learning how to settle in at school and manage their own behaviour, the teacher maybe did not tell you as they may not have known or may have delt with it and seen your ds was ok.

I would tell the class teacher that ds came home and said x child had hit him and you are aware same child has hit him on another occassion. and leave it at that.

You also need to learn not to get involved with other children at the schools issues. If find it astounding that you have noticed all these children reporting to their parents and noticing the othe other parents going into class room on friday, seriously I drop dd off and collcet her and chat to others but I mostly dont even notice what else is going on in the background or amongst the parents and children im even stood with.

It is difficult but it is best to have confidence in the teachers and school to be doing their job or you will be creating alot of stress for your self and if you are unhappy talk to the teacher, nothing has to be put officially unless absolutly necessary, I feel in doing so the teachers will become suspicious of your confidence in them. most teachers are happy to talk about concerns.

OP, the first thing I advise you to do is close your ears to all the other tales from other parents and children and focus on your own child. As others have pointed out, you can only really expect to go in and discuss issues effecting your own child.

The problem is, once a child gets a reputation for being badly behaved the other children really pick up on it and will tell loudly about every single little thing - even things other children are also doing. The other parents will pretty much do similar, every transgression will be further proof that this kid is 'the naughty one'. You need to ignore a lot of the school yard gossip - his behaviour may not be as bad as it appears. In my experience a lot of kids who are a bit wild in reception calm down a heck of a lot by Yr 1 once they get into the swing of things.

Make a mental note of when your child is being hit and if it's upsetting him or a regular thing then go in and discuss it.

maydaychild your school should have a Behaviour Policy. Ask at the office if you could have a copy of it. It will set out the expected standards of behaviour, the rewards and sanctions.

If your child tells you they have been hit, the first thing you should check is did they tell the member of staff on duty at the time. If not, remind your child to do this.

The school will be working with the child to try and change his behaviour but this won't happen overnight. It may well continue into next year and beyond. There is no 'cure' as such for certain behaviours, they can only be managed and a child of this age is not going to be expelled.

You can certainly ask the teacher to let you know if it happens again and what the circumstances were.

OP - I think that it is very understandable that you are concerned. I don't think that you can say, 'Oh your child has only been hit twice this year so that is not too bad'. As far as I am concerned it is wholly unacceptable behaviour. The fact that a child is only four does not make it acceptable. Unfortunately, in British state schools it seems to be pretty much accepted (not so in many of the international schools or private schools BTW). I hope that your dc is not being put off school by these experiences.

dik that may because in many other countries children do not start school untill much later than 4 and most private schools have far smaller class sizes, not sure anyone said it is acceptable but more that this is not unusual behaviour for a 4/5 year old, and i would say that nation wide, international it is not unusual for hitting in such a young child. people have adviced the op of diplomatic and sensitive ways of dealing with this and maybe putting herself in the other parents shoes.

I just hope that what happened to fiodyl doesn't occur at DC school. The hitting is escalating, especially since Christmas.
If it were a broken nose today, this would be a totally different conversation.
It's not, but as a newbie, I find it most unacceptable.
I maybe self righteous but only in concern for my DC.
there seem to be a lot of excuses made for the hitters. Why this is tolerated in schools is beyond me too.

just because it happens does not mean it is tollerated , you dont know how it was delt with because you have not spoken to the school.

I am feeling sorry for the child who has been "hitting" other kids. He's what 4/5 at most. How the hell do you know what is happening for this child and to want him constantly watched, lose playtime etc? Have you considered inviting child and mother over? Befriending the child so that he doesn't feel so completely rejected to the point of lashing out??

My ds isn't a hitter or aggressive at all but he finds social situations harder than his peers and been referred to SALT. This could be my little boy if he's constantly rejected by peers etc.

OP I hope your children never becomes the one with th additional need or the one who hits because how will you cope.

I find these responses shocking. It is almost as it is the OP's fault .... she should be doing more for that poor little boy which goes round hitting other children. I disagree, the OP's and other children should be able to go to school knowing that it is a safe environment. It is all good and well to be concerned about the hitter, but it should not become so topsy turvy that the welfare of other children becomes less important than the welfare of the disruptive child/aggressive child. OP make an appointment with the teacher and head teacher, tell them about your concerns and ask how they will ensure that your child can feel safe at school. If you are not satisfied with the answers you may want to consider other schools (although this is a very common problem in state schools in the UK).

Would you honestly want a 4 year old expelled?

Have you no compassion? :(

no that is wrong dik. no one is suggesting its ops fault, but people are pointing out the flawes in her attitude towards the whole situation and her perceptions of how to manage this. read her original OP and see your self she is more concerned about what other children say about this child and is prepared to be going in mob handed kicking up a stink about a very young child who hit her boy twice and her son is not affected by this situation, she should be praising her boy for managing this well, continuing to encourage his relsiliance, talking to the teacher and not getting caught up in the play ground politics because the fact she has not maskes her appear to be a very unpleasant person, more so than the 4 year old who is still learning how to handle situations he does not like.

dikkertjedap, you're right but don't forget that OP said:

Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt but I am worried.

This gives OP the chance to be the "relatively dispassionate Mum" in talking to the school.

was just about to post the same smallwhitecat, looks like bad feeling all round surrounding this child, who is to say he is not being bullied by these children as an upshot of the parents playgound attitdes.

Thanks for the character assassination.
Festi you haven't read he op particularly well as you assume throughout I have a son.
Perhaps I don't.
It feels to me all of you trying to make a villain of me are standing up for the child who of his mothers own opinion has no special needs, is perfectly well behaved at home and can't see what is under her nose. I've known this boy for two years now.
There is no way my child would have the audacity to continue hitting if called in to see the teacher. I have faith in my parenting.