How serious is hitting in reception?

[maydaychild]

DC is in reception with a boy who is nasty. He was nasty at pre school too. He isn't special needs.

Last week he hit a girl and pinched a boy.
Today he hit my DC and another boy.
I saw the boy and his parent being led into the classroom by teacher on Friday. I though 'oh good, it's being dealt with'.

But it clearly hasn't been. Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt but I am worried.

At what point should I and fellow parents kick up a stink?

dikkertjedap - don't let the door hit you on the arse. You are really full of shite.

TSC - poor little thing - there must be something going on that needs sorting out :( I feel for his Mum. Of course it has to be stopped and the fall out minimised, but he's 3 and they are doing their best.

if kids are well behaved there is something wrong with them

At least I don't need to resort to that language to put my point across. That is another gripe I have with this society: bad language, poor spelling, bad grammar, total lack of interest with respect to your own language and your own culture and your own history.

Aww thesecondcoming that's sad. You are right, IMO, ostriscizing him at 3/4 is fucking awful and that is a problem with society. And, yes my kids have been on recovering end of kids hitting at school and it's horrible but never once have I glared at the parents, tried to round up other parents etc. I've spoken to teacher and helped my dc develop strategies to cope.

Oh fuck off dik

How's your scrummy baby second? Mines had 2nd round of imm so she's not happy. Finally asleep tho (I should be too, damn smart phone).

that makes me very sad tsc to think that their are vile parents out there who would traet a 3 year old and another parent in such a way. is this proof of such a divided society where people are inept of empathy.

I work in Year 1 and have worked in Reception and I see every side of the coin, There are plenty of children who do not regularly hit and kick other children, especially aged 4 and over. However, I have seen a dramatic incease over the last ten years of the number of children in a class with behaviour difficulties, and it is not confined to boys.

More and more children are starting school with very poor social skills. For whatever reason, violence amongst very young children is on the increase.

This is the first year that I have a child in my class who will actually hit and kick me too . From what I have seen, this trend is only going to get worse. Teachers are spending more time managing behaviour and this does eat into the teaching time. This does affect the learning of everyone in the class.

However, children need to learn how to behave appropriately before they can learn anything else and if they do not learn this before they start school, then this has to be taught by the teachers.

18 months old already, Christ where has time flown? Tho I think that was around the time of my non noticed flounce

Like what you said to other mum (esp disclaimer and hug) bet you made her feel a whole lot better.

Fairenuff - what do you think his the underlying cause of the increase?

I can see both sides of the story. My DD in reception has been bullied at lunchtime. Thumped in the face on several occassion by a group of boys. Things seem to have settled down and I trusted the school to resolve it rather than me involving the parents.

My DS is in the school nursery. He walloped a boy twice in a week. The school told me (that it was 50:50) and also spoke to the other mum. My son has stopped his behaviour. He comes out proudly now saying he hasn't hit anyone. The other boy is still going around hitting other boys. I'm the one being glared at in the playground and my son is the one not being invited to parties.

It looks like the school handled it correctly in both cases but the difference in the 2 scenarios has been how the parents have dealt with it - and thus there have been different outcomes.

TSC 18 months - how the hell did that happen???? It only seems like 5 minutes since he popped out! That poor girl - it sounds like she is doing her best, swimming against the tide of her life.

Poor little four year olds at school. Some four year olds should nor be in school. My friend, the most committed and hardworking mother I know, had a ds who was a hitter at four. So she held him back from preschool for a year. She didn't want him labelled as a naughty boy at four. He started preschool at five and had no problems at all.

If its learned behavior that is sad but im afraid having as I said a child who's been on the receiving end Im now of the opinion they need 1 to 1 support until its unlearnt and if the funding isn't available then they stay away until they can be trusted in a social setting.
My experience is that the schools hands are completely tied unless they have a few of these cases then they get support but frankly more than one in a school and I'd be off.

There are so many social factors which are the likely reason for behaviour difficulties. Looking at the children I have worked with, the one thing they do have in common is parents who do not consistently set boundaries and enforce them. They often say, x is not like this at home and that's probably because x is allowed to do whatever x likes at home.

Children are so loved and so precious, quite rightly. Parents want to give them the world. They have play dates and swimming lessons and birthday parties and all the wonderful fun filled days that children deserve. But they do not have routines and rules and consequences.

By the time they start school, many parents can't discipline their children because the child won't do as they're asked. They won't sit out for 5 minutes, they run away, or call names, or hit. They also tend to have low self esteem and be unable or unwilling to share or wait their turn. Parents give up because they are so hard to discipline. They also get very defensive when others complain about their child. They feel sorry for the child and don't want to punish them. I do worry how they will cope when they are teenagers.

When the child's mother collected him today she had brought chocolate. Even though the parent knew he had hit me, she still gave him the chocolate. It's that sort of thing that sends mixed messages to the children. Personally, I think it's disrespectful of the parent. And the child learns from the parent.

Have not read the whole thread so am just responding to the OP.

There was a boy in my sons reception class last year who seemed to be involved in some sort of incident every other day. My DS was injured by him and on another occasion a child ended up with a black eye.

I spoke to the TA about it as I was worried and they assured me that this child was just having trouble settling in and was not a bully. She said that they were working with the boy's parents to sort out the problems. The mother was apparently mortified about it all.

After a term it all settled down and I've not heard of any incidents since and the boy is now settled and not at all disruptive so I think it was a good idea to trust the teachers to deal with the situation in the way they are trained to.

some of your post other than the previous paragraph is very presumptious farenuff. I get that does sometimezs happen but not always.

in my dds class there is a child and i know for fact he did behave like this at school and not at home, there for the problem for him was at school and it was delt with by both parents and teachers. to just hold your hands up and blame parents in all situations is just wrong, its important to get to the bottom of it wether that be at school or at home.

I started school 30 years ago and there where more hitters and kickers in my class than is currently in dds class just now. at least 2 boys in my first yaer at school hit and kicked the teacher and one girl routinly stole from the classroom.

last paragraph i mean

"I don't know any 4/5 yr olds that hit except thee one in question on the thread." and you forgot to mention miy child OP. You know as it seems I didn;t teach him that hitting was wrong.

Silly me - never thought of that.

Just to warn you - my child hadn't hit anyone before (at least not since he was about 18 months) and saved it up until about February/March of reception year... so there's still time for your child to surprise you with some behaviour or other you haven't come across before.

Though of course you will stop it by telling them its wrong and that will be the end of the matter

Festi, mamamaisaura asked fairenuff for some thoughts on why there is a perceived increase in violence in younger children, she was just offering her thoughts.