How serious is hitting in reception?

[maydaychild]

DC is in reception with a boy who is nasty. He was nasty at pre school too. He isn't special needs.

Last week he hit a girl and pinched a boy.
Today he hit my DC and another boy.
I saw the boy and his parent being led into the classroom by teacher on Friday. I though 'oh good, it's being dealt with'.

But it clearly hasn't been. Today it was the turn of my DC, who is ok, not overly bothered or hurt but I am worried.

At what point should I and fellow parents kick up a stink?

To blame the parents for a child hitting in class is just incredible, naive and ignorant.

But it's convenient for you if your child happens not to hit. Must be because you're such a fabulous parent.

Shame your child has to go to school with the likes of mine.

Pity you didn't follow Xenias advice and earn enough money to go private.

Morning All. See this thread is still rumbling on.

TBH, so far as the shcool is involved, I am not too concerned about what happens in the early terms of Reception. If they have sorted the children out by Year 1, then the school are doing just fine. In dcs' school, as I said up thread, there are always one or two more aggressive/unsettled children in Reception, but I have only ever heard of one isolated incident further up the school, and that was dealt with swiftly, and effectively.

As for Private Schools, don't kid yourself. I invited several chidlren to play on ds1's 7th Birthday, some from school, some ante natal friends. Guess which child was the most appalingly behaved, rude and aggressive? I actually had to physically pull him off another child, who he was kicking on the floor, and threaten to call his mother! Not an isolated incident, either.

festi there will always be children in class who hurt other children because of other factors. As you rightly say, there may be other things going on at school or home. The child may have delayed development or a condition (possibly as yet undiagnosed) which makes it much harder for them to understand. Of course, there are also children with incredibly difficult home lives, who witness violence or are even the subject of it. Those are not the children I am talking about.

I am talking about an increase in the number of children starting school with difficult behaviour and continuing on more or less the same into Key Stage 2. There is only so much teachers can do. You would be surprised at the number of parents who do not follow through with consequences. This is such an important thing for children to learn for their own benefit as much as anyone else's.

Incidentally, I do not 'blame' the parents because I do think it's a society issue. What I do see, though, is parents who do not accept responsibility for their child's behaviour and children who are really struggling to take responsibility for their own behaviour.

And, of course, I am talking about a few children. The majority at that age have already learned to control those impulses and get along with each other, resolve their differences in an appropriate way.

Finally, sorry for the long post btw, whatever the reasons for the child's behaviour all the children need support, help and kindness to help them learn how to follow the rules and feel happy and safe at school.

sorry havent read the whole post as it is too distressing to hear how common it is to be judgemental and lacking in compassion here. My DS was hitting in reception and yr 1 and totally ostracized though no one was ever hurt enough to have an injury.

I have other DCs who have never hit or misbehaved and set very firm boundaries for all. My DS was ostracized in the way being promoted here and I believe parents felt he should be expelled at age 5!

He was eventually found to have a medical condition that meant he was in extreme pain that he had had for so long he didnt realize it wasnt normal and was actually being teased too. When the condition was treated he was no longer in pain and he stopped all hitting and school report he is a delight. However all the other parents still totally ostracize him and even drag their children out of the room at school bazaars etc to ensure there is no contact -they have long memories and in my opinion are evil.

Even if a child was hitting due to being hit at home the child still needs compassion. It will take time for school to resolve and wont be sorted in a few days. Anyone could have a child with a problem that causes them to hit it does not mean they are from a bad family. Why cant people think how lucky they are if they dont have a child with issues rather than judging??

Howcruelcanoeoplebe. Have u name changed? Sorry for your ds :( poor boy. Glad he's not in pain now but at other parents. Has he got any friends? Can teachers help?

howcruelcanpeoplebe. It's great to have people like you come to threads like this. Your poor ds...but fantastic his pain is resolved and that school report is encouraging. If I were you, I'd move him from that school. It sounds like the parents are not very nice.

Yes have name changed as fear being recognized in real life. I would move school if I thought it was just these parents but reading threads on MN I think it is just how many people are. Hence why I try to surround myself with people who are non judgemental and actively seek out mums who have children with issues as I know they need support and friends.

I do often wonder though if I had just had my other DCs who are so good if I would have been a bit judgemental, I hope not, but of course I will never know now. Please dont assume parents dont care that their child is behaving inappropriately or are not doing something about it just because they havent told you as it is not something you generally make public especially if you are seeking assessments for SN or getting psychiatric help.

Before having children I certainly thought I would never have a child who hit and might well have blamed the parents but I do think that once you have children you quickly realize that it is not all about nurture and should thank
your luck if you dont have a certain issue to face.

Thanks for your concerns. Yes my DS had his first play date away from our house in November and has had 2 more since with the same boy. He is also well enough to join clubs so am hoping that will help form friendships. School dont really see any issue as he socializes fine in school. Children appear to me to be very forgiving, certainly the boys are as I have less experience of girls. The issue is now the parents preventing any interaction ie declining invites to his party or playdates as they dont forgive. Hard to accept that actions at 4 or 5 cannot be forgiven.

howcruelcanpeoplebe - that is a perfect example of why it is just totally wrong to judge. I am pleased to hear that your child is no longer in pain. Is it possible to change schools? In your position, I would be shouting from the rooftops about how proud you are of your child.

sittinginthesun - I have not found any of the judgey parents attitude to be any different when they learnt how much pain my DS had been in. I presume that their view is there is no excuse for hitting regardless of pain levels even at age 4 or 5.

If your son isn't bothered I'd let it go.

Our school told me that my son had been hit and on more than one occasion, I asked him what happened and it did not tally with the school's understanding of events. In one instance, he said that the other boy crashed into him accidentally and another time, he'd been hit in retaliation to something mean that my son had done meaning that ds wasn't so innocent. I don't know if is linked to the fact that ds is a quiet August born with siblings who are well-liked and perfectly behaved at school..

I have been to the school when my children have been scared by another child and they took it very seriously. One boy told my son that he was going to bring in a knife to school and hack him into bits and it was dealt with quickly despite the fact that the boy's mum insisted that it was obviously a joke and my son needed to lighten up.

In my experience all kids go through anti-social phases. My children have between them gone through hitting, spitting, biting, swearing and other nasty phases and it's taken time to eradicate the behaviour.

Some excellent messages and comments here from the last few posters. I would just like to add a comment about private schools, and what people seem to believe is the perfect behaviour there. I taught reception in a private school for three years, and the children, whilst from a more middle class background, were no nicer than in the state school I then moved on to.

One little girl, C, had a bad reputation for hitting and pushing - partially deserved but made much worse by the behaviour of other children and parents. This four year old, after a month in school was being left out and ignored by the other girls on their parents' instructions. Given that she wanted to join in, C would then try and push her way in, at which point someone else would start crying. Lots of supervision ensured that she was not always left out, but if the supervision was not there, everything went back to normal. Anything that happened, they blamed her.

It did calm down towards Christmas though, when another girl was showing her mum her grazed knee at the end of school. Her mum asked who had pushed her over abd the girl answered 'C'. Cue the mother storming over to me to demand that something was done about C, she had hurt someone else the previous day etc. I explained that C had been away that week with chickenpox....

This and the following holidays did help, then when a new child joined the class C made a friend of her own and the behaviour stopped. She was from a lovely family and her mother was mortified, but a lot of her behaviour was from the way the other children treated her. They were only following their parents lead, and I shudder to think how other children who hit may react if those around them follow the lead of some parents on here.

Great post MrsMagnolia and good point about the changing friendships amongst children. Children will forgive and move on long before their parents do. Often the two children concerned will be playing together happily the next day.

Magnolia, totally agree with the difference between bullying and hitting.